


Watch it Burn Down

by weheartscorose



Series: Deeper than Sweet Water River [2]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-12-11 07:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 55,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weheartscorose/pseuds/weheartscorose
Summary: Archie was supposed to be more than this. He was supposed to be a Football star, he tried his hardest to become something with his music, but he couldn't while shackled in Riverdale. But Veronica left, his scholarship failed, he came home to Riverdale and now, all his days consist of is trying to be the best friend possible to Jughead. But Archie can't let go of everything that could have been and he'll stop at nothing to try and right his wrongs, even if he fails. He's just trying to fix his life even if it means he has to watch it burn down.





	1. Misty Blacks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my loves. This is a Varchie fic, Pre-Vanilla Lips and Cigarette tips and compliant with that story. Enjoy it, hate it, either way, you're here so read it.

_**Chapter One** _

* * *

 

Sometimes I struggle to listen to the advice of Jughead Jones because it’s a little draining. _“Don’t look at the calendar,”_ he’d said. _“I don’t.”_

I know this isn’t true, I see him looking up at the calendar all the time and he’s making mental _X’s_ on each day, he’s counting down, he even told me last week that it had been thirteen months since he’d seen Betty. He’s counting down but I don’t know what for. He’s always telling me there’s nothing to look forward to, nothing waiting for him. I don’t comment though because I know how much it hurts him when I comment on his count down. But maybe he doesn’t know how much it hurts me when he comments on _mine_.

Every day I come up with a plan. I could go over to Veronica’s with a bunch of flowers, Juggie always tells me this is cliché but he doesn’t know how much she loves flowers. He compares my buying Ronnie flowers to him buying _Betty_ flowers but he shouldn’t do that, because after he talks about Betts, he turns into a different guy and one I can’t really stand to be around, but one I can’t leave alone either. I’ve known Jug my entire life, I _know_ him. He knows me better than I think anyone else does; maybe even my dad. I know him and I know a silent Jughead means he’s thinking. And when Jughead Jones thinks too much, it turns bad. _Real bad_.

We’d been lying on my bed almost all day. Dad came in to tell us we looked like a married couple. It didn’t go down good with either of us. Jug gave a longing look outside towards Betty’s room, the curtains were still up but they always are unless the twins Ellie and Jace are staying at their grandparents house, it might have been thirteen months since Juggie had seen Betty but it had been thirteen months since I’d seen my best friend and laughed with her through our bedroom windows. I wonder what sort of advice she’d give me if she was here or if she’d knock me down a notch.

She’d beat me to a pulp, I know that. She’d be disgusted by me.

Shit, I think she might even _hate_ me a little.

What I would give to be standing at my window with Betts standing at hers, having a text message battle. Looking down at my phone then looking up to her, laughing, slamming windows shut because I’d won the text message war. Shit, things were fun back then. Jughead would be standing over her, looking at my messages over her shoulder and Ronnie would be lying on my bed, the same one Juggie’s lying on right now. She’d be telling me to get to bed. What I would give to do that right now too. Seventeen was something I missed. I know Juggie misses it too. I think we all do.

We’ve been lying in bed all day and as much as dad might say we look like a married couple, we weren’t in the same zone. We weren’t even in the same _world_. Jug had been plastered to the PS4 all day and I was just lying here, staring at my phone. I sometimes feel like if I put it down, I might miss something. A message. A phone call. I don’t miss anything and I haven’t in three months.

Sometimes I think Jug likes to compare his thirteen months to my three. He likes to give me advice and I always listen to Juggie’s advice; he has to be the smartest person I know, apart from Betty of course. I always listen to him because somewhere amongst all the words he uses that I don’t get, there’s good stuff. Stuff in there that could probably change someone’s life, I know sometimes what he says changes mine. I know that if Betts was here, I’d listen to her too. She’d give me the kind of advice that would make me figure all of this out, but I don’t ring her. Because I don’t want to risk losing my friend.

I know this is all stupid, my whole life now is trying not to hurt people by talking to _other_ people. I cringe just thinking about what might happen if I call Betts. Veronica’s probably already told her about how I’m the worst fucking person on the earth. If I ring Betts, she’ll probably tell me exactly that. It’s better to just lie here in ignorance and assume Betts is still my best friend. It’s better to think she doesn’t have this tainted, realistic vision of me. It’s better not to hurt Juggie like that anyways.

I know for a fact that Juggie has seen Veronica on more than one occasion. I feel kind of creepy for it, but I could smell her perfume on him. I felt sort of sick by it, but I didn’t ask him and he didn’t tell me and I think the more I play ignorant for that as well, the better. Because I know that my best friend wouldn’t do me like that and I don’t think _she’d_ do that to Betts either.

I’m staring at the ceiling. I think it could be around 2 P.M, I’m not sure. I know I should have gone out for a run like eight hours ago but Jug somehow talked me out of it, it was easy, I don’t have the energy anyways.

Jughead says I have an obsessive nature and I don’t think I truly got that until now. All day I’ve been lying here on the bed obsessing over what to do. It’s coming up four months since I’ve come home and that feeling dad said would go away, it fucking didn’t. Dad pretends to shrug this all off, he says I’m young; young people fuck up, we make mistakes. I think he’s only saying it to make me feel better, that’s my dad though, that’s his thing. He makes me feel better. But I know in the inside, he might think I’ve fucked up. And there’s no coming back from it.

And what’s worse?

The fact I’m injured so badly, I can’t play Football again?

Or the fact that I don’t think I’ll ever get Veronica back?

I’ve been back four months and even though Jug makes me feel like I’ve never left, things aren’t the same as they were the last time we were all home.

Betts isn’t here, Veronica hasn’t spoken to me and Jug and I are both too much for this room. We’re too old, we’re not sixteen anymore. We can’t top and tail, one of us still has to crash on the floor these days. How did we end up like this?

I’ve been thinking about what to say all day. My speech changes all the time because I don’t want Juggie to give me that look that tells me he doesn’t believe me. I’ve thought out the speech heaps of times, changing the plan heaps and heaps of times. I just change my mind. Sometimes I don’t feel like going at all. Maybe seeing her would just cause me pain after all.

I don’t know what I think is going to happen. Do I think she’s going to run back into my arms?

Yeah, sometimes I do.

Mostly I think she’ll hate me more for trying to see her. I think she’s going to tell me to get lost.

To go and get fucked.

She’ll hate me, but deep down inside, I’m a little selfish and I only want to see her to satisfy my own needs.

I just need to see her or I’ll lose my fucking mind.

“Hey Jug…” I start cautiously. He doesn’t even bother to look up from the controller.

“No,” he says simply.

I groan and rub my face, I dig my elbow into his side and he flinches away. “Jug,” I start. “I’m fucking bored, dude, there’s nothing left in this town…”

Jug sniggers and looks at me quickly before he directs his attention to the TV, he’d upgraded it when I left, I don’t think he thought I was coming back. I remember him saying that no one comes back to him and when I called him again, four months ago and told him I was coming back to my dad’s place where he’d been living, he was surprised but happy for it. The TV was his, he made sure I knew that.

“That’s the way I like it, Archie, low activity levels equals low expectations, look at me, the epitome of low expectations!”

I laugh because I know he’s being funny but at the same time, his humour worries me sometimes. “Bro,” I try again. I know I was fighting a losing battle but every battle is lost when it’s against Juggie. “Can we go out?” I beg. “Please?”

“Why?” he moans again.

“Because I’m bored.”

“This isn’t going to end well, you know that right?”

I drop my head back on the pillow and rub my face again. “I know you love Riverdale and I know you love being here in the bubble but we’re nineteen and still living in this shit hole, the least we can do is go and grab a drink! With the boys!”

This was my great, thought out plan. Try and tempt Jughead with drinks at the bar but it was stupid because Juggie needed to be talked into having a drink at least a month in advance.

He drops the controller, he eyes me from the side and I can already hear the lecture coming on. “Drinks with the boys? As in plural? Or drinks with the boy, as in _me_?”

I hold down a laugh and I try not to smile at him. “Drinks with my best boy?”

Jughead doesn’t seem sold, he never is. Jughead is always the cynical one and I’m left trying to prod him along, especially since Betts isn’t around -

“Fine,” he says sighing, he rubs his temples before shoving his sock covered foot into my leg, rolling his eyes. That was his _thing_ , he rolls his eyes at everything. “Where are we going?”

I pretend to think this out, he doesn’t know that I’ve already thought out every detail. I pretend like I’ve got a few places in mind. “We could go to the Rabbits Hole?”

“Don’t particularly feel like listening to old country music…”

“Stellas?”

“I don’t particularly feel like being drowned in glitter either,” he says looking over at me.

I pull a pillow up higher to my face, almost covering myself. “How about Misty Blacks?”

“Misty Blacks?” he says flatly. He raises his eyes brows at me. “You want to go to Misty Blacks?”

“It’s just a suggestion, geez…”

“It’s not a suggestion,” he say quickly. “That’s where you _want_ to go.”

“I just want to go out,” I counter.

“Fine,” he says with a shrug. “Misty Blacks it is.”

I can sense he’s reading straight through me, nothing gets past him. But I appreciate that he isn’t saying anything to me.

My bro loves me enough to not embarrass me, even though I feel my heart racing at the thought of seeing her tonight.

* * *

I did a single shot, Juggie did a couple. He was always the sort of guy where it was all or nothing. If he was going out tonight, he was going down in vodka. I tried not to think too much about Misty Blacks, the more I think about it, the more I think about just staying home and watching Rocky for the third day in a row. I know it would be easier, but the pain in me would still be around and I honestly believe that even just seeing Veronica is gonna make the hurt disappear a little.

All I can think about as Juggie laughs loudly with dad. is the girl at the bar with the purple lipstick and the dark eyes. She has this ongoing joke, you see, where she says her speciality drink is a warm beer with ice cubes in it. Jug is usually the only one who’s not offended by it and he always orders. Tonight I could drink thirty of them if it meant she’d even give me a chance.

“You want me to drive?” dad asks and Jug slings his arm over my shoulders, pulling me towards the door.

“Nah, nah, it’s ok,” I tell him. “I’ll be alright, it’s this guy we have to watch out for,” I say pointing at Jug.

Jug just laughs. “Rebel…?’

“Get out of here,” dad says waving to us. “Call me if you boys need a ride home.”

We start up off down the road and my head starts feeling like it has a pulse of it’s own. Juggie lights a cigarette, he smokes more now than he ever did. I remember when we were sixteen and he started stealing them from his dad.  I had never seen anything so bad ass. His addiction grew bigger over the years and right now, I think it’s the only thing that calms him enough to not get all wound up about Betts. Just another thing I don’t comment on though. “She’s not gonna be happy when she sees you, you know that right?” Jughead asks.

I cling on to the steering wheel of Jug’s car. I don’t know what it is that people like about honest people but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I kept my mouth shut sometimes and so did others. “She’s not working tonight,” I lie. I knew she was, Cheryl told me when I saw her at the gas station. I knew she was knocking off at ten tonight. Jughead knows that I know as well.

I don’t remember seeing someone cry the way she did, not since my mom left for Chicago. But even then, I don’t think even mom cried the way Veronica did. I hadn’t felt that feeling in my chest before, either. The one that made my heart feel tight and like it was enveloping me at the same time. But I really thought we got over that day, we started talking again, I tried to make her laugh and sometimes she did, I just wanted to show her how much I cared. But in the end, it didn’t matter how much effort I put in, it didn’t seem to be returned on her end and she left.

I don’t really know why we’re going to Misty Blacks tonight, I didn’t have a game plan once I get there. I lied point blank to Jug but I don’t feel guilty for it. I know Jug’s figured out that I’ve lied and she will be there and I know Jug will get over it. He always does.

“You’re kidding yourself, bro,” Jughead starts again. “She’s not going to be happy when she sees you, she’s going to be pissed.”

“Oh yeah?” I say flatly, humouring my best friend because it’s too late to be talked out of anything. “And how do you know?”

“Probably because she told me she wouldn’t care if she never saw you again…” Jughead replies with a shrug.

I grit my teeth and my nostrils flare but I can’t feel this way, I try and ease up. “Best friends now or something?”

“Friends,” Juggie answers lightly. “That’s it.”

I try my hardest to not feel anything but I’m struggling a little bit. I hate it when I feel bitter towards Jug, he’s working through his own shit and he doesn’t need to be working through mine as well. I try to hum out images of Ronnie and Juggie laughing together from my mind but that’s a little hard too. Juggie needs her; he needs the support. Shit, he needs all the people he can get.

I reach across the car to grab Jug’s shoulder, I give him a squeeze. “Just gonna enjoy a couple of beers, then we’ll go home. It’ll be fun I reckon.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt Arch.”

I don’t reply because I don’t know what to say. I keep driving and my thoughts cut in and out. I think about how relaxing a cold beer might be, what it might be like to have a dirty habit like smoking – just like Jug. I wonder if Juggie might have a blunt or two stashed somewhere, who has the whiskey? Who’s got the loud, drowning music? Who’s got the long hair and long legs that go on for days? Who’s got the silky thighs and the fat, bitten lips?

Who’s going to take away the hurt this time?

* * *

She’s beautiful, but I already know that. And she can’t have changed that much in three months. Just looking at her makes me wish I could rush up to her, pull her into my arms, kiss her on the lips and behind the ear in that way that makes her giggle and look up at me with love in her eyes. I know I haven’t seen it in a while, but I still remember what it’s like. Three months doesn’t change that, I love her just the same. Maybe she loves me just like that too.

She’s got her hair tied up high on her head which means I can see more of her neck. She’s wearing that purple lipstick, that one she bought the week that she began to hate me. I feel sick. I feel sick all over again. I watch her purple lips as she talks to Juggie, leaning over the bar with her tits spilling a little, my own lips feel a little dry, I lick them wet.

Veronica slides a handle of beer across the bar to Juggie, he clinks it against the first one she poured only a few seconds ago and she says; “Ronnie’s speciality on the rocks.”

Jughead laughs but I can tell he’s holding back a little bit. I feel stupid standing here with my hands in my pockets and looking from Jug to Veronica as if I just interrupted something. “Where’s mine?” I ask.

“Share with your friend,” she tells Jughead, “Maybe he can have the warm part filled with spit at the bottom, he’d be used to it,” she says, shooting me a look.

Jughead gulps loudly and grimaces, sipping froth from the top of a glass before handing it to me. “I’m not going to give you the saliva-filled residue,” Jughead explains. “But you would have probably sensed the hostility…”

Again I don’t reply, this was a stupid idea. I should never have talked myself into this, I was stupid. She doesn’t want to see me, she doesn’t even look at me as I stare at her from across the bar. There’s so many things I could say.

But most of them start with sorry, and I said sorry so many times it didn’t even seem like a real word anymore.

But I guess it didn’t matter when she couldn’t even look at me.

I down the beer with ice cubes in an instant and I give Juggie’s handle a longing look. “Do you think about date rape statistics?” he asks me.

I’ve known this guy my entire life and he still shocks me all the time. I guess that’s a thing I love about Juggie, you don’t know what you’re gonna get with him. “No…” I answer.

He sneers at his drink and takes a sip anyways, “Are people likely to drug a beer? Or is it more of a mixed drink kind of affair?”

“I don’t know Jug,” I whine but another drink slides across the bar top, even if the bartender doesn’t make eye contact with me. The drink feels like gold in my hand knowing that she’s touched this handle. “Not really the kind of thing I think about.”

“It’s not really the kind of drink you’d drug, I think. Because the only people who drink beer in an Indie Bar are guys with long beards and Wayfarers…”

“You’re thinking way too much into this, dude, seriously,” I tell him lowly. “Not the sorta thing you’d want to get caught talking about.”

Jughead acknowledges that I’m right and knocks his drink to mine. “I think too much when I’ve got nothing else to think about,” He takes a sip of his beer and he waves to Veronica. “Shots, Ronnie.”

She bites her lower lip and keeps her eyes low, she always does this when she’s worried about something and this tells me that maybe, she’s just as worried as I am.

I can’t keep my eyes off her, she offers four shots to Juggie, she knows he won’t do them all and I feel one is for me. She moves like she’s silk. She always has, she keeps her shoulders square but the look in her eye tells me she’s not as confident as she used to be.

I guess it’s because of me.

I fucking _know_ it’s because of me.

Her nails are purple too, dark and muted. Well, that’s how Jug described it anyways. She’s moving quickly up and down the bar, serving more and more shots and even in the dim light, I can see her so clearly. I wonder if it’s because I know her body so well, it could be pitch black in here and I’d still recognise her. I don’t ever want to forget her.

I kept a weight on my shoulders for the last three months but even now, sitting in the Misty Blacks and just knowing she’s here, it doesn’t seem so heavy any more. But she still doesn’t make eye contact with me, but being only a few metres away is enough. Especially since I’ve been without her for so long.

“Did you hear that?” Juggie asks me. “She asked me about Betty…”

I didn’t hear her but I don’t say anything or he’d know I wasn’t listening. All I could focus on was Veronica being here in front of me, she could have said a million things but I could barely see let alone hear. “What did she say?”

“Funny thing, really,” Jug says, ignoring me. “Because Betts was the one who used to bring up all the statistics, she was the one who told me about rape statistics. She knows so much.”

“You guys used to talk about some weird things,” I reply.

Jug slams a shot glass on the table. “That’s when we used to talk.”

We don’t talk about Betty’s leaving. But we don’t talk about a lot of things. We don’t talk about how Jug left Betty and decided that was the best thing to do, but we don’t talk about Ronnie leaving me, either.

He looks down, he tilts his head and he looks down the bar, she’s wearing shorts. It’s cold out. She’s got a long sleeved crop on, it’s one I helped her choose out, she insisted I help her. She used to value my opinion. “Jug,” I say, I know I’m the last person that should be giving advice but he needs me. He needs to hear something, anything. He needs me here. “Maybe you should call her?”

He shakes his head so much, I think it’s gonna fall off. “I can’t call her, Arch. I let her go. She needs this, she needs to move on. I’m no good for her.”

“You’re the best person in the world!” I argue.

“Easy for you to say,” he jeers. “You’re my best friend.”

“But you’re a good guy!”

“You were too, Arch. But that changed.” It feels like he’s punched me. “Shit!” he says, trying to grab my shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” I say sighing, rubbing my eyes. “You say things you don’t mean when you’re wound up.”

Jughead can sense that I’m cut about it. But he was right, I was the nice guy. The one who moved mountains for anyone, the one who was always there, always reliable. When everything turned to crap around me, at least I knew I was a good person.

That was until I wasn’t anymore.

We sit in silence, sipping away. The lucky thing about Jug was that his doom didn’t stare him in the face but then again, I searched for mine. I came all the way here to stare doom in the face and it was working, because it did feel shit and relieving both at the same time.

“You both look super desperate,” someone says behind us. I don’t need to turn to see who it is, there’s only one person who would say something like that.

Jughead turns first and his cheeks are flushed, he’s had one too many shots already I think, his dad always did call him a cheap drunk. “Cheryl,” he says sourly. “I wish I could say I’m pleasantly surprised… It’s not pleasant, but I am surprised.”

“I work here, Jack Sparrow, get a grip,” she snaps back, rolling her eyes.

“I see you’ve run out of Johnny Depp characters, nice one,” he answers.

She flicks her eyes to me. “Hey Cheryl,” I say through a shot. “You heading home?”

“No,” she says, checking out her nails before giving the two of us a smug smile. “I’m going to Pops first for a shake and then I’m heading home, like the two of you should!”

Jug doesn’t even hesitate, “I’m cool with that plan,” he says looking at his watch. “I need a burger…”

I shake my head and I try to give him a look that begs him to stay but he either doesn’t get it or he can’t see past a burger at Pops. “I want to stay a little longer…”

“Oh Archiekins,” Cheryl says which makes me shudder. “You shouldn’t sit around here waiting for her, seriously, she’s murderous at the moment and I’m almost positive it’s because she hates you.”

She shrugs it off, because Cheryl doesn’t care. But I do and it makes me feel like shit. “Thanks, Cheryl,” I mumble.

Jughead looks from me to Cheryl and back. “I’m down for a burger, I really am.”

“Fine,” I say, “You go.”

“You don’t look so great yourself, Donnie Darko,” Cheryl says, eyeing Jug. “I guess that’s what happens when Betty Cooper is your life source, come on, let’s go. I’ll take you to get your precious burgers.”

Jug shakes his head and puts his hands in his pockets, following her anyways. “I’m only coming because I want a burger.”

Cheryl licks her lips and spins on her heels. “Come on then,” she says quickly. “Before I change my mind and make you walk.”

They leave and I wish I left with them. I sit here at the bar with my hand in a sticky puddle of sweet drinks but I don’t move, I don’t want to.

I don’t care how weird I look sitting here watching Veronica. I don’t know how much time passes when it seems to move so slowly. More drinks come and go and I still sit here.

She keeps sliding me drinks without making eye contact. I enjoy it though because I feel like maybe we’re making a little progress.

She wipes down and she grabs her handbag, she waves out to another girl who’s working the bar with her and I almost fall off the stool trying to get up, flinging my old Letterman over my shoulders and she walks towards the door, she doesn’t slow. But then she never did, Ronnie always had a mission and she didn’t care who she left behind.

The night air is cool against my lips and the door swings, almost knocking me over. I feel like I might have lost my voice as my feet stumble a little down the stairs. “Wait!” I call out before I have the chance to think straight. “Ronnie!”

She finally slows down, her heels are sinking into the grass but she stops. She doesn’t turn around.

I reach her, I don’t reach out for her but I sure as hell fucking want to. I want to touch her shoulder, I want to pull her arm and bring her closer to me. I stand in front of her, putting my hands up like I’m surrendering. I would surrender twenty times over if she’d just look at me.

I forgot how short she was next to me. She finally looks up and I can see the dark brown of her eyes and right now, they seem a little darker than usual. I have a million and one words stuck in my head and I don’t know which ones to use. I wish Jug was here, he’d come up with something good to say because he’s good with words but I’m not. “Ronnie,” I just say again.

She bites her lip but she puts her hands on her hips, she’s tapping her foot on the grass. “What, Archie?” she says in a huff. “You figured out where I work, that’s clever of you.”

I shake my head and put my hands up again. “Your mom told my dad.”

“She shouldn’t have.”

“But she did!” I sound like a whining kid. “You look good!”

She sniggers and looks down at her heels again. “Thanks, nice to know that my face doesn’t match how I actually feel, which is more important.”

I feel defeated and deflated. “I’m sorry -”

“You’ve said that before -”

“I miss you,” I tell her.

It’s too quiet out here.

We pause. I want to let her say something so I don’t look like an idiot but I always do and I have for the past five months since this all started. “I miss you too,” she says, “Truly, I do.”

“Then give me a chance!”

I can see tears in her eyes but she looks up to the sky, I think she’s trying to stop tears from falling but she sniffs and wipes a corner with her thumb. “I want to, Archie, I do…”

“Please,” I beg. “I’ll fall on my hands and knees, Ronnie. I’m not too proud to beg.”

She sniffs again but tears keep falling. “Why did you come here? Why did you wait here for me?”

“Because!”  I say, throwing my hands in the air. “Because I can’t be without you, Jughead and I lie in the room all day and he’s cool but I can’t keep doing this. I’ve lost everything, my scholarship, you!”

“Don’t bring Jug into this, Archie. He’s doing ok, he’s finally got a job and he’s moving on and I think you should too, find a job, move on.”

“I can’t!” I beg again, this time I fall to my knees, but my hands together like I’m about to pray. “I miss you, I don’t want to move on, I want you.”

Ronnie shakes her head before inhaling deeply and standing straight again, looking down at me on the ground. “You moved on when you decided that maybe I wasn’t enough for you -”

“Ronnie!” I cut her off.

“See ya, Archie. Hopefully I won’t though.”

“Please, Ronnie, I’ll do anything…”

“Famous last words, Archie. Famous last words.”

And just like that she was gone. And my heart broke a little. I think it fucking broke all over again.

And I’m still begging here in the grass.


	2. Searching for Jughead Jones the Third

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friendly reminder, this is Vanilla Lips compliant.

_**Chapter Two** _

* * *

 

Straight to answer phone: _“Hey, you’ve got Veronica, leave me a message…”_

“Fuck!” I say out loud, I feel like launching the phone into the wall but I can’t, if anything, he’d message me and tell me he’s still alive. But he hasn’t. Not yet.

I scroll through my phone, all the way to _C_ and pick Cheryl’s number. It rings, Jug would tell me that this is a good omen but I don’t see how it is when she’s not answering.

No answer. _“Hey, Bitches! Leave me a message, or you know, don’t, I don’t have time to listen to them anyways…”_

“Cheryl,” I say into the dead end phone. “If you’ve got Jug held hostage, let him know I’m at home waiting for him please.” I pause. “Ah, it’s Archie. Andrew.” shit. “ _Andrews_. Archie _Andrews_. Bye.”

Fuck, I’m a dork.

I sit down on the bed and look at the time. It’s just after 1 P.M. Nah I’m not worried about an adult man who’s not come home last night.

I’m fucking _sick_ over it.

I keep looking at my watch like something might change. I’m gonna beat that idiot until the cows come home once he does. He could be anywhere here. He could be anywhere _anywhere_. He would have told me if he was going to Toledo, right? Jughead wouldn’t have gone to Toledo though, he would have dragged my ass with him. I wouldn’t have wanted to but I would have gone anyways, there’s a lot of crap that kid talks me into. Where the hell was he?

I’d texted him so many times, I don’t even remember what the first text was but I’m shit scared right now and dad’s out of town. I could go next door and try and talk Alice into helping me find him but I’d rather not have her ask me questions about my failure of a scholarship.

Just thinking about it makes my knee ache. Useless fucking knee.

I snap back to reality when I think about ringing Veronica again. I know why she’s not answering, it’s because I’m the one calling. But maybe she’s seen Juggie, maybe he was at Misty Blacks last night? Who knows, I won’t unless I try calling her again. Cheryl probably worked the late shift, that’s why she’s not answering. I know too much about Cheryl and not enough about Ronnie, it’s annoying but sometimes asking Cheryl is the only way I find out anything about Ronnie. Jug tells me it’s a bit obsessive, but he’s the one who always tells me I have an obsessive nature.

_Juggie_.

I call Ronnie’s number. I’m surprised it’s ringing, so she hasn’t changed her number after all. But it cuts to answer phone. Shit. “Hey, Ronnie, it’s me,” I say, “Archie. Give me a call, it’s pretty urgent.”

I hang up.

I don’t even remember the last time I had to tell Ronnie it was me on the phone. I don’t really remember the last time I rang her for anything specific. One of the things I loved was that her and I were kind of just… I don’t even know, we just _fit_. I remember when I first saw her walking into Pop’s. I was stunned. Jug described it as _enamoured_. I love it when he tells me little bits and pieces like this because it gives me a whole new outlook on things, I was enamoured. I still am.

We always just fit; I could give Ronnie just a look and she knew exactly what I was thinking, I could start a sentence and she’d already finished it in her mind. We just _were_. We had just _been_ for three years, I think the worst part for everyone else is that they all think she put her life on hold to move with me interstate so I could pursue my scholarship. The one that failed. Just like my relationship.

Dad always has this sort of _knowing_ look on his face. Him and mom were High School Sweethearts and look how that played out. Sure, Ronnie and I met at High School but we loved each other; she loved me so much she followed me. And then she came all the way home. And so did I.

We used to talk about so much shit, it wasn’t funny. And that’s exactly what it was, most of it was _shit_. Most of it was shit at three in the morning or three in the afternoon while we were still in bed. She’d wake up and ask me so many questions and I would come up with weird theories and we’d laugh. We laughed a lot.

We used to laugh a lot.

But now she doesn’t even answer my phone calls and the panic is building up in me because not only can I not get the one person I love to answer my calls, I have no idea where my best friend is and I haven’t seen him in almost two days.

My phone rings.

I fall off the bed onto my knees when I realise that somehow my phone made it’s way to the ground. I scramble to pick it up, swiping it open, I don’t even look at the name. I hope it’s Jug. “Jug?” I say, gasping for breath.

“What’s so urgent?”

I can tell she’s pissed, but she’s also a little worried because her words are quick out of her mouth. I can hear her so clearly even though she’s a little muffled over the phone. Her words are bitter but I take a sigh of relief just hearing her. “Have you seen Jug?” I ask.

She pauses, I think she might be a little taken aback. “No?”

“ _No_?”

“No.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and try and think of what Jug said before he left yesterday morning. “Have you seen him at all in the last twenty hour hours?”

“No?”

“Fuck!” I groan. “Ah, ok, thanks for calling me back…”

There’s more silence over the phone but I kind of like just knowing she’s on the other end. It’s like she’s here with me. I miss it. “Is everything ok, Archie?”

Archie. Not Arch, not Archiekins. Just plain Archie. “Yeah, everything’s cool,” I lie.

“Where’s Jughead then?”

I wonder if I should lie. Because I know that if Jug finds out I’ve called half of Riverdale, he’s gonna be pissed. But I can’t lie, not again. “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “That’s why I’m calling you, I haven’t seen him since he went to work yesterday morning to the station. I heard him on the Air but today’s his day off so I don’t know where he is…”

She sighs out loud and it makes the phone crackle. “Why are you worried?”

“Because he lives here and he hasn’t been home.”

“He’s a big boy.”

“I’m worried because he’s not _ok_ , Veronica, god!”

She waits for me to cool down but I don’t think I’m cooling down, I just feel a little more sick. “Archie…”

“Ronnie,” I say sternly. “Jughead’s not coping. With Betts gone.”

“It’s been a year since she’s left, he could have gone to College with her, he could have still been with her if he had just sucked up his pride -”

“Well he didn’t and we’re all he has.”

“He lives with your dad, Archie. He’s never even left Riverdale, does that seem normal to you?”

“Jughead’s not normal, Veronica, you _know_ that -”

“I feel like you’re getting a little twitchy so let’s leave it.”

I snigger and roll my eyes to myself, this is going nowhere. “Leave it,” I mumble. “Easy for you to say, you always do.”

I sound like Jug just spoke from inside my body and I scramble to get rid of him from my mind. I spend too much time with him, I swear.

“Not easy for me to say, actually. Considering the circumstances.”

I slap my hand to my face. “I’m sorry.”

She ignores me. “Come and get me, we’ll go looking for him…”

“Where?”

“Have you tried Pops?”

I ran there this morning, good excuse for exercise but also not good for my knee. “I went there, he wasn’t there then though…”

“His dad’s trailer?”

I shake my head, yeah, great way to make me feel better. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“Because you don’t think.”

Another stab at me, a low blow. “Ok, I’ll come and get you.”

* * *

She looks around my truck as though this was her first time in it. We were sixteen when I had sex with her in the back tray. I made it as romantic as possible, Betty leant me fairy lights and I strung them up. Veronica glimmered in the moonlight that night.

She tucks her hands under her thighs and keeps herself from touching anything. I wonder if she thinks she might pick up some sort of disease while she’s sitting in here, because the way she’s glaring at everything makes me feel like she hates it in here.

“Why is he struggling all of a sudden?” she asks me.

“He’s not struggling all of a sudden,” I say through my teeth. “He’s been struggling for a while…”

“Why?”

I look over to her but she keeps looking straight ahead, out the window. “Because I told him Betty has a new boyfriend.”

“Right,” she replies.

“Don’t you talk to him about Betty when you see him?”

I hadn’t really spoken about Jug and Ronnie’s new friendship before, but right now, I felt like I wanted to know all about it. I wonder if she tells Jughead everything about me, all about the life that we had made interstate. If she did, he didn’t let on.

“We don’t really talk about it.”

“Then why do you guys hang out so much?”

She smiles weakly and pulls down the sunshade before pushing her glasses further up her nose. They were her favourite pair, at our old place, she had a drawer filled to the top with just sunglasses, usually, she wouldn’t even wear the same pair two days in a row. “Because he missed you and I missed Betty. But now he has you back, but I don’t have Betty.”

“He should have just gone with her, you’re right.”

Ronnie sniggers and shifts a little in her chair. “It doesn’t matter how much you want to be with someone or how much it hurts. When you’re in love, you got to do the right thing. And he thinks that’s the right thing, letting her go and live her life.”

“You seem to know a lot about it.”

“It’s because I know what the right thing is, even if it hurts me.”

She’s so straight faced and her lips don’t even twitch even a little when she speaks. She’s deadpan. But she’s making my heart beat faster and it’s painful being so close to her even though I can’t touch her. I can smell her, I can feel her in my space but that’s it. Usually, I would be smiling at her, brushing hair out of her eyes, leaning over and kissing her. But not now. Not today.

“It hurts me too,” I mumble.

“It hurt me even more.”

“I know,” is all I can say.

We keep driving and I can see her shoulders dropping a little. It means she’s relaxing, I know, I used to see this happen every day when she’d come home from her old job at the coffee shop. She’d bring home so many free coffees that I’d drink like four in a row and I would joke and say I didn’t know what to do with all the extra energy and she’d joke back and tell me exactly what to do with all the extra energy.

I swallow even though my mouth is dry.

We pull up into the trailer park, I can see Juggie’s car by his dad’s trailer and I take a deep sigh of relief. “I thought he might’ve been with Cheryl,” I tell Ronnie. “But I’m glad he’s not, she’s all sorts of bad for him.”

“Maybe he could have been all sorts of good for her though? The best kind of good.”

“She doesn’t do good, well,” I laugh.

She light-laughs back. “Not even the good people can consistently be good. That would be too easy, complications are a necessary evil in life.”

I wish she would say that what I did was just a complication in life, but I think it’s way more than that.

I fucked life up.

I turn off the ignition and wait for Ronnie to get out of the truck before sighing in relief and closing my eyes. I don’t think I even breathed properly during that entire ride here and I just need one, good breath.

That’s until she starts banging on my window. “You coming in?” she asks me, throwing her thumb over her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I say opening the door.

I walk ahead of her towards Jug’s dad’s door and I reach up to knock but before I do, my hand is pulled back and she’s holding it. I look back at her and turn around to face her, my fingers cling on a little tighter to hers but she let’s go. “I just want to say that this is really nice.”

“What?” I ask, a little lost for words. “Driving to the trailer park?”

“No,” she says, rolling her eyes. “What you’re doing for Jug.”

I just shrug and knock on the door. “I know if this was me, he’d come looking for me too.”

The door isn’t answered but I’ve been here a million times and I find the stashed keys. I open the door and sure enough, I can tell he’s here somewhere. Ronnie steps through and eyes Jug’s car keys on the table. “Why does he come here when it’s like no one lives here?”

“His dad’s around,” I explain. “But maybe he’s in Toledo visiting JB?”

“Maybe,” she answers.

“JUG!” I call out. “Tell me you’re in here so I can beat your ass!”

Like he’s rising from the ashes, he springs up off the sofa, his hat falling off and his blanket laying on the ground. “Shit!” he shouts. “You freaked me out, dude!”

I inhale deeply and throw a cushion at his head, he manages to dodge it but he doesn’t dodge the second one but I rush over to the sofa and grab his head, shaking it a bit. “Where the fuck have you been?!” I almost shout. “I was freaking out!”

“I’ve been here,” he replies, pushing my hands away.

“Why?” Ronnie chimes in, “Archie’s been worried sick – he thought you might’ve been dead!”

“I have been a little dead,” he says, straightening his beanie. “I might as well have been.”

“Don’t talk like that Jug,” I say, whining a little. “It’s fucking morbid.”

He laughs a little and stands up, stretching out. “I thought you might like having the room to yourself, watch a little TV, hit the porn collection.”

I laugh too and shake my head, pulling his shoulders under my arms. “Come on bro, let’s go home.”

“I wanna ciggie first,” he says. “Need to have a little relax.”

We follow Juggie outside as he sits on the porch steps. I take a seat on one side of him and Ronnie, the other. She doesn’t hesitate in asking the first question. “Why didn’t you go home, Jughead? A little brooding of you, don’t you think?”

Jug smiles to himself as he lights his cigarette. “Just had a moment. Sometimes I don’t like being alone, sometimes I do. Sometimes I’m a burden on the Great Andrews Clan so I give them a break,” he says giving me a wink.

I shake my head and slap his thigh. “You’re never a burden on me. Only when you don’t tell me where the hell you are!”

“Your wife was worried sick!” Ronnie says laughing, she looks over at me and gives me a small smile. “We both were in the end.”

Jughead inhales loudly and nods. “I know, I should have told you… I just…” he doesn’t finish his sentence.

I hated seeing Jug like this. I know that with all his alone time last night, he would have been thinking too much about Betts. Sometimes it could be late at night and he’ll start telling me all the things they used to do when they were together. Sometimes it makes me feel like I didn’t know Betty at all but I guess he just knew her on another level. “Don’t worry bro,” I try. “We’re here for you.”

“I think the alone time does me good.”

“I don’t think it does, Jug,” I tell him honestly. “When you think too much, you know you get a little funny…”

He nods. He knows I’m right. “I don’t like to be alone, but I don’t like doing this to you.”

“You’re not doing anything to us, Jughead,” Ronnie says matter-of-factly. “What are friends for if not at least for company?”

Jughead takes a drag of his cigarette and offers it to Ronnie, she declines but I can tell she’s interested. Ronnie’s the kind of girl who indulges after a couple of glasses of wine or when she’s stressed. I watched her smoke a packet, that was only five months ago. I couldn’t even speak out against it. I was the one who drove her to it, I would have let her indulge in every bad habit of hers if it meant she’d come back…

“Is it so easy to just move on?” he asks. He gives me a sardonic look. “Probably the wrong crowd to ask huh?” Ronnie and I just look at each other. “She moved on, it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted her to taste the world, get lost in all this knowledge the earth is supposed to hold. I wanted her to do it, become more than me. And now she’s doing it and I feel like I’m going nowhere….”

Yeah, bro. I know what you mean.

* * *

The good and bad thing about Jug is that he’s amazing at pretending like he’s all good. We picked him up, he had a few more cigarettes and then he bounced right back. Ronnie said that she didn’t have anything to do today she wanted in on the pizza too. Juggie didn’t complain and I felt my heart rise up a bit higher in my chest because finally, she’s not sickened by the sight of me.

She doesn’t really talk to me, but sometimes she’ll at least look at me or laugh at some of the things I’ve said. She keeps her gaze mostly on Jug and it feels like she’s waiting for him to do something or say something. Something that’s worth watching or listening to.

Jug and Ronnie dig into the pizza we bought. They both go crazy but I just pick at Jug’s half eaten crusts and down a whole bottle of pepsi. I don’t usually drink that much sugar and now I feel like I’m on a sugar high.

We keep things pretty even at the table. We don’t talk about much and Ronnie keeps flicking me glances every time she thinks Jug’s getting a little down. We go back to my room. It feels like we’re sixteen all over again with my best mate and my girlfriend in my room.

But she’s not my girlfriend, is she? Not really. Not for a while now. But she falls on the bed, kicking of her Nikes onto the ground and laying back on my pillow like it’s completely normal. Jug does the same. It doesn’t feel normal to me at all.

He flicks on his TV, he chucks on a headset and I see him glance over to the window. One day he’ll learn that it doesn’t matter how many times a day he looks over to Betty’s window, she won’t appear. One day he will learn, but I’m not going to be the one to teach him. Not today.

Ronnie picks up a photo album that’s been sitting on my bedside table for over a year, one that Betts gave me before she left. “I love this album,” she says. “it’s super cute and has Betty’s name all over it. She’s going to be one of those old women who do scrapbooking, I can see it.”

None of us press on about Betty but Ronnie looks through the album, flicking page to page. “Look at you, Juggie, you were brooding even when you were a little baby!” she says, pointing at a pic of us when we were five.

I walk over and flick to the next page before she does and I point at a photo, Betts, Jug and I, all arm in arm and eight years old. “This was when Juggie used to duct tape his shoes together and look at Betts, she’s got pigtails!”

“Yeah, but look at how red your hair was, even more so when you were a kid. It’s cute.”

She used to say that after we got married, we’d have kids. She used to pick out names she liked as well, Chanel was one of them which she thought was tacky but also a little funny and beautiful for a girl so I liked whatever she liked. Her mom used to get mad about it because we’re only nineteen and we shouldn’t be thinking about things like that but I didn’t care. I felt like I was happy enough to talk about forever.

“Cute?” Jug laughs. “More like embarrassing.”

“You don’t like redheads?” Ronnie teases.

“More of a blonde guy, myself,” he says with a wink. We’re all silent again.

She keeps flicking through photos, one of Jug and I when we were twelve at the skate park, one of us at thirteen with Betty in between us for the Junior School disco. Fifteen year old Betts and I, she’s up in my arms with her arms wrapped around my neck, Ronnie and me with my dad in hospital, us two sitting on Jug’s car, us two sitting on the roof of my car. So many photos.

There’s one of us two, standing outside the Riverdale sign the day we left town to move interstate, she’s looking up at me and she’s wrapped up in my old Letterman. She loves me. I love her. It’s in this photo, I have proof. She shuts the album quickly. “I better go,” she says. She rolls off the bed and rubs Juggie’s head.

“You going already?” he asks.

“I’ve been here for ages, it’s Friday which means it’s maintenance night…”

“She’ll need a few solid hours,” I joke.

“What’s maintenance night?” Jug asks.

I go to answer but Ronnie reaches for the door. “See you guys later.”

“How are you getting home?” I ask her.

“Taxi?” she says, looking at me, shrugging. “How else?”

“I’ll take you!” I say a little too quickly. “Don’t waste your money.”

“It’s ok, I’m a big girl.”

“Ronnie,” I beg, I didn’t have it in me to fight. “Come on, I’ll take you.”

“Ever the gentleman, Archiekins.”

Just listening to that felt like progress.

* * *

She invites me in to her mom’s apartment. It hasn’t changed since the last time I was here. Which wasn’t long ago, really. We spent last Christmas here and that was when I bought her the necklace she’s wearing now. It cost me so much money, I think I’m still paying mom back the loan she gave me to pay for it but I know my girl likes the finer things and it was the price I had to pay. She likes the finer things but Jesus, she can be down to earth when she wants to be. Where it counts. Dad says maybe I take things for granted sometimes. It was something I learnt from my dad when I was only sixteen. I almost lost him and it was then where I realised how much he sacrificed not only for me, but for Jug as well. He homed him when he had nowhere to go, dad looked after me when he didn’t have much to give. I overlook things like that all the time, I don’t do it on purpose. It just happens. Jug says it’s just a part of me. It’s the bad part of me. Just like I took Ronnie for granted.

I feel a little sick when I think about all the guilt that’s in me. I remember the look on her face when she found out the truth. I can’t even put it into words, the look on her face. Or the amount of tears that she cried, I don’t know what stung the most?

The tears?

Or the look of hatred on her face?

I shake the thoughts out of my mind as she comes back into her loungeroom with a glass of orange juice in her hand. “I know you don’t like sweet drinks this late at night but I figured it’s better than a shake from Pop’s so…”

I take the juice from her and take a sip, I smile at her because I’m grateful she’s even let me in. “Thanks, Ronnie.”

“It’s ok.”

We both just sit there and I can sort of feel her thigh touching mine. My leg cramps up a little bit because I don’t let it fall on to her any more than it is. Trying to hold my leg up and sit up straight on the sofa is a difficult task when I’m so used to throwing myself by her and resting my legs in her lap. But we sit here anyways and sip on the juice she gave me.

“Your mom hasn’t changed the house much,” I laugh.

“Not since the last time you came? A few months ago.”

I don’t tell her it’s been seven months. “Yeah, I guess so.”

She sighs and leans her head back on the sofa. “I love being here,” she tells me. “it’s so relaxing being here at mom’s. I guess I finally enjoy being treated like a little girl, I used to hate it.”

I laugh and nod, drumming my fingers against my glass. “Yeah, you did. Remember when you always used to rebel against your mom? You were so hot headed.”

She laughs too. “I used to hate her being so controlling but now I understand her a bit better, I think,” she says, finally looking at me. She looks down at my glass before looking me in the eye. “I think maybe she just didn’t want me to get hurt.”

I feel a lump in my throat and this time, I look down at my glass of juice. “I don’t blame her,” I mutter against the glass.

“Hey,” she starts quietly. “I just want to tell you that what you do for Jughead, it’s really nice.”

“I would do anything for him. I really would. Jug’s been my best mate since we were kids, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”

She puts her glass down on the coffee table and puts her arm around my shoulder. “It just reminded me so much of all the good in you. Reminded me of why I loved you.”

She’s so close, I can feel her breath on my lips, already I can taste her on my tongue and I can feel her chest pressed against my arm. I want to rewind time, go back all those months and _that day_ , I want to relive _that day_. I want to have never gone out. I don’t want to screw up, I want to go back so it can just be me and Ronnie laying in our old unit, just us two. I want to go back to the time where I loved her so much, it made me happy. Not ruin me.

I want to be able to taste her whenever I want, to touch her whenever I want. I want to be able to laugh with her, joke with her. Talk all serious future plans with her. I want to be with her again. But I can’t and the guilt eats me alive. Jughead always said I was too honest for my own good but the one time I wasn’t, it ruined everything.

She’s so close to me and I’m looking at her. I’m really, _really_ looking at her. Her eyes are so hurt, her lip is stuck between her teeth and she’s sort of shivering, I don’t think it’s from the cold. I think it’s from me.

I can see her edging closer, she licks her lips and she’s so close, I hear her do it. But I lick mine too.

Her lips press against mine, and I haven’t felt so fucking good.

Her hands are creeping up my neck, her hands are still so smooth and I feel her nails scraping on my skin, her tongue edges in slowly, overlapping with mine and she sighs into my mouth. My hands move slowly up her skirt, her thighs are cold but my hands are warm and I feel goosebumps under my finger tips. I groan into her, feeling more and more of her before it all ends and she quickly moves off me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “Sorry!” I say quickly, trying to flatten my hair. “Sorry, Ronnie, I’m sorry!”

My heart won’t stay still so I bang my hand to my chest, looking at her with wide eyes because fuck, I don’t want to piss her off, not again. This was the closest I had been to her in months and I can’t let it end like this because we got a little lost in the moment.

She smacks her lips together and she frowns at me, eyes begging for something. “Arch…”

“Ronnie,” I say again, shoving my keys in my pocket that were sitting on the couch. “I’m sorry, but maybe this is the universes way of saying something…”

“Yeah,” she sniggers. “It’s the universes way of telling me I have no self control and I’m still not ready.”

“For what?” I ask, rubbing the back of my neck.

“For letting you back in my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it? Hate it? Let me know?


	3. Still feels the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder: Vanilla Lips compliant so not all that much of a surprise once we hit the end of this story.

_ **Chapter Three** _

* * *

 

“Free basics at Misty Blacks, which naturally means vodka and juice or bourbon, you in?” Jughead says, shaking his packet of cigarettes in my face. “Or am I going to drag you there behind your truck?”

I raise an eyebrow at him as I flick through pamphlets that Alice Cooper had shoved at me when I was getting out of the car this morning. An internship at the school, they needed a music teacher and Riverdale finally got the funding to get a school based internship. She thought I would be interested. I was. I _am_. But I still get the feeling she's spying on me and that's why she knows I'm not doing anything with my damn life. “ _You_ want to go to Misty Blacks?”

Jug shrugs and sits down next to me at the table. “Like I said, free basic bourbons...”

“That means free bourbon and cola, Jug, you know that right?”

“ _Free_ , Archie,” he says waving his hands in front of me. “That means we don't pay for drinks tonight.”

“I didn't know you were a bourbon man.”

He laughs and runs a hand through his hair before putting his beanie back on. “Neither did I.”

I keep looking down at the pamphlets, I needed to write out an application. Ronnie would usually help me out in this, she knew so many big, fancy words that I didn't know. Maybe if I went to Misty Blacks, I could talk her into helping me. We were talking now, even if mostly just about Jug. I needed all the help I could get, if I could score me a job doing something I love, I would be set for life. Jug made his home on Riverdale Air, he was so good on the radio, it was like he was born for it. “I dunno Jug...” I say weakly.

He looks down at the pamphlets and pulls them over to him, reading through them. “What are these?”

“Ronnie said I should move on and find a job. I think she thinks I'm bored.”

“Are you not bored? I mean, it must be super stimulating to sit here all day watching the clock,” he replies sarcastically.

I'd always loved music. Music was the number one thing I wanted to pursue but that went down the drain because Riverdale didn't have anything to pursue alongside the Pussycats. I was good at music but I was slightly better at Football and Football was handed to me on a silver platter so that's what I went with. Football got me out of Riverdale and gave Ronnie a glimpse of the life we were going to build together. The one that never was built, along with the Football injury that got me out of the game for the rest of my life.

“If I get this right, Jug, then I have a chance at giving another kid who loves music the way I do a shot. A real good shot. A better shot than what I had,” I explain to him. “Can you think of anythig more rewarding than helping a kid enjoy music? Paid internship to become a music teacher, what do you reckon?”

Jug eyes me sideways and gives me a grin. “Sounds great, dude. Seriously. Just, you know, when you get there, please avoid special one on one tutoring with your students. It's not a good look,” he gives me a wink.

I punch him on the shoulder and groan. “I was really trying to have a moment with you, but you're sick you know.”

“I know, jokes aside, you'd be a great teacher, you're patient. You're cool. You're good at music, you're ticking all the boxes. There's no one in this world that I'd trust more to teach my non-existent kid music...”

“Seriously though,” I tell him. “This is my chance. It's that omen you're always talking about and Ronnie -”

“And Ronnie what?” he asks me, looking me in the eye. “Why is she popping up in every sentence all of a sudden?”

“She's talking to me again.”

“And?” he asks, giving me a probing look.

“And she could probably help me out a shit tonne with this application,” I reply, glaring at him.  
  


Jughead smirks. “I don't think that's the extent of it, bro.”

The more she's becoming involved in my life again, the more I think about her. I always thought about her, especially when she left me but back then, it was more of a throbbing pain in my chest. Now, it's not so bad. The other day, she smiled at me. I think about the last words she's said to me because now, yeah, she talks to me.

“She's got me neurotic,” I tell him.

“What?” Jug asks, his lips in a thin line, trying not to laugh at me.

I shake my head “I dunno...”

“I mean it kind of works, but I don't think that sentence is working in the way you wanted it to.”

“You get what I mean!” I moan. “I can't stop thinking about her, it's driving me crazy.”

Jug takes a sip of my soda and slides my glass back towards me. “Who would have thought that when the raven haired princess made her way to Pop's four years ago, it would be the beginning of your demise.”

I think about it, it's so like Jug to say something that makes me think a little too hard. “Fine,” I tell him. “Free basics tonight at Misty Blacks, we're going.”

* * *

 

Cheryl slams a bourbon and cola down on the bar and wipes the spillage up with a dirty rag, glaring at Jughead. “Ten dollars,” she tells him.

“What!” he snaps, “The sign says free basics!”

“For you, ten dollars, Willy Wonka, come on!”

“Ronnie!” Jug calls down the bar. “She's trying to charge me for the free bourbon!”

“Come on Cheryl,” I say, leaning into the bar. “Free bourbon was sorta the point of Juggie being here...”

“I should really be charging you for the burgers I had to buy your depressive, drunken self when I took you home last week, you're lucky I'm only charging for the drink,” Cheryl says quickly.

“You offered to buy them for me!” he says, shock written all over his face.

Cheryl gives me a wink and leans over the bar, her tank top coming down dangerously low in front of Jug who sips his bourbon anyway. “Just shitting with you, Edward Scissor Hands. Enjoy your free drinks.”

“I wish I could say thank you, but I have a feeling you're trying to set me up...” Jug replies.

Cheryl rolls her eyes and goes down the other end of the bar, leaving us alone. “Jug -” I go to start but he cuts me off.

“Date rape statistics, dude,” he says eyeing his drink. “This is Cheryl Blossom we're talking about.”

“You did see that Veronica was the one who poured your drink, right?” I ask him.

He eyes his glass and takes another sip, letting it mull in his mouth. “Ok, I trust her.”

Tonight, Ronnie's wearing a light pink gloss and a black dress. I hadn't seen that one before, maybe it's a new one. Something inside makes me feel a bit weird because now she has things that I don't know about. It's all part of the new life she's trying to make. The one where I'm not in it. She's got a shaker in her hands and she's laughing, she's even throwing her head back. Whatever Cheryl whispered in her ear, it must have been hilarious because Ronnie's laugh is shaking the room. I can't help but smile at her laughter.

Jug nudges me with his elbow as I take a sip of my own bourbon and cola and it spills a little on my pants. “Jug!” I groan but he jerks his head down the bar.

“Hey!” Ronnie says, clicking her favourite heels on the floor. “Nice to see you two looking a bit cheerier!” she's smiling; grin so big on her face that her cheeks turn right up and her eyes almost screw shut, she flicks her hair from side to side before running her tongue over her teeth.

Jughead holds his glass up as if he's doing a toast. “To brighter days,” he says.

“To brighter days,” I agree, clicking my glass to his.

“And to many more fucking drunken nights.”

“Geez bro,” I say. “Way to brighten those days.”

He drinks to our toast anyways and I watch Ronnie dry a glass with a towel that's a hell of a lot cleaner than the one Cheryl uses. I try to act as though I'm not looking at her but I can see her watching me out of the corner of her eyes. “You guys up to much?” she asks, looking away from me quickly.

Jug shakes his head and I just keep my glass to my lips. “Nup,” he says. “Just a couple of free drinks, you know me, I like a good bargain.”

“Who doesn't?” she replies. “What about you, Arch?”

For a moment, I'm shocked. For a person I shared a home with, a life with, grew up with, I was still shocked to hear her say my name. “Ah...” I say and then I fall flat. And it feels like I fall flat on my fucking _face_.

Jughead nudges me again and this time, his elbow feels sharp in my ribs. “He's keeping me company.”

“Lost for words?” she asks me, raising a manicured eyebrow with her lips curled up on the right hand side.

“Yeah,” I say, clearing my throat. I rub my forehead. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Hmmm,” she says quietly, putting down the glass. “How long do you think you guys will be here?”

I look over at Jug who's still fighting with Cheryl. “How long are the drinks free?”

She looks at the clock. “It's only nine and the drinks are free until eleven. I knock off at ten, I could do with a drink.”

I almost choke on mine. “Could you?”

She frowns a little and looks at her nails, rubbing the pad of her thumb over them. “Maybe. Maybe I need to get moving on too, we live in the same town all over again, some sort of reckoning, Jug would say.”

“What is?”

“That we'd be back in Riverdale together. Has he ever spoken to you about how he thinks time doesn't move in Riverdale?”

I look up at her from down here on the counter, I lick my lips as something to do but she watches me and she licks hers too. I know exactly how they taste, I know how her lips feel against mine. “He's spoken about that sort of shit since we were kids, Ronnie, don't read too much into it.”

“I feel that he speaks a lot of truths and he makes a lot of sense. More so than a lot of people that I know.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask.

“Yes. You know, like someone you know and trust does something stupid, that doesn't make sense to you... How could that person do that? It's the reckoning, it's all part of the reckoning.”

She looks down at her feet but I just stare at her. I can't even move. I don't know where else to look but I know it feels like shit that she's just said that. Progress was being made but every step forward means two back, right?

“Don't talk about the reckoning, Ronnie, I get enough of that from Jug.”

 

* * *

“Veronica,” Cheryl says sourly. “I don't think you should be doing shots in the work place...”

Ronnie rolls her eyes and takes one back. “I'm only doing these two; to join in with Jug.”

“Since when were you so concerned about the rules, Cheryl Blossom? Last I knew, you made your own!” Jug says, I laugh at my best mate and pat him on he back.

“You got guts when you're drunk, bro!” I laugh at him.

He just gives me a smile and leans his head onto my shoulder. “You're not drinking enough, Arch!” he says, shoving a shot towards me that spills everywhere. “Keep up with the big boys!”

“You look more like an adorable puppy,” Ronnie says, reaching up to his cheeks and squeezing them. “Drunk Jughead is a cute Jughead.”

“I'm not drunk!” he says trying to stand up straight. “I'm just slightly buzzed...”

“Don't look like it,” I mumble as I try to keep him up.

“Why aren't you drinking?” she asks me. “You're usually first to the bar and last to leave...”

I gulp loudly and look down at the glass of bourbon and cola I've been hanging onto for the last two hours, it was warm and flat and as soon as I can, I'll tip it into Jug's glass. “Last time I did that, it didn't end up good.”

“Hmmm,” she says before she starts tapping on the rim of a shot glass.

“Ironic, isn't it?” Jughead says, taking a swig of his drink. “That we would all be summonsed back to Riverdale when the two of you said you'd never come back!”

Ronnie smirks and leans in closer to Jug over the bar. “Maybe we just missed you that much!”

He shrugs, “Out of all the people that I would've thought would come back to me, I didn't think it would have been you guys.”

He looks down at his drink and it falls a little silent between us but Veronica starts clicking her fingers in his face. “Hey!” she snaps. “Archie and I aren't sitting here hanging out with you when you go all Holden Caulfield on us, come on! Let's have fun!”

He chuckles to himself and rubs his face before saying; “Yeah, ok, I'll go and get us another round.” and he walks off to the other end of the bar where Cheryl's standing.

I watch her eyelashes flutter and her gloss looks so shiny, her nails click on the counter as she looks towards Jug, “What are you doing?” I ask her, licking my lips in the meantime, I rub the back of my neck, I feel a little tense.

She was here with me, so close. Like actually close, physically and in the way she's willingly here with me. I don't remember the last time she volunteered her time on me. I don't want to ask her any questions because I don't want her to go but I don't want her here just because she feels she doesn't have a choice.

She sighs and looks up to me, I watch her neck strain because she's so much shorter than me but she's bigger in a lot of ways, heart, soul, pride. “I'm having a drink.”

I groan, “Ronnie,” I whine, “I know that... I just mean, why are you hanging out with us?”

“Before we were a couple, we were friends, Archie. I still enjoy your company, I just...” she shakes her head and taps her foot on the concrete. “Maybe I like punishing myself.”

“I don't want you to hang out with me if it feels like punishment,” I tell her quietly.

“Sometimes I miss you so much it feels like punishment so I'm not winning, am I?” she hisses.

I nod and take a sip of my flat drink. I know how she feels. “Neither am I.”

She sighs in irritation and takes deep breath. “What's been going on? How are things?”

I look down and stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Not much. Good.”

“Come on, I'm trying to have a normal conversation...”

I sip the last drip from a shot glass and shrug. “I'm applying for a job – not really a job I guess, an internship.”

Her eyes widen and she claps her hands together. Celebrating. Not cool. “That's great!” she says, “Doing what?”

I smile to myself and look away from her, I can feel my cheeks blushing, it's embarrassing. “Music teacher at Riverdale High. Time for me to give back, I think.”

She reaches over and pats me on the back. “Good on you! I'm proud!”

Jug rushes over to us with three shots in his hands, he's grinning and has his lip trapped between his teeth, his hat falling to the side. “I got us the goods,” he announces. “I hope you guys are in for a long night!”

Ronnie looks over to the clock and flicks her eyes at me, holding in a laugh. “It's ten-fifteen and as you pointed out, you're already buzzed. I don't know if by buzzed you mean smashed, but either way, I don't think it's going to be a long night.”

Jug looks shocked and clutches his chest and looks over to me, “Come on, have my back dude!”

I take a shot from Juggie and look at Ronnie, giving her a wink. “Jug's in for a good time, not a long time.”

She takes her shot back too. “The same as you then, eh Archiekins?”

The shot burns my throat.

* * *

“You didn't need to drop me off,” she says, pulling her coat off and hanging it up. “But I'm grateful for it, I've been spending a small fortune on taxis and I don't know if you know this, but the bar doesn't pay great – who'd have thought,” she says, chuckling.

“I can pick you up, I can drop you off. It's not big deal.”

She spins on the balls of her feet and raises an eyebrow. “But if I do that, Archiekins, people may get the wrong idea about us...”

I feel my throat get stuck and I just keep my hands in my pockets, shrugging and feeling like I'm an idiot. “I dunno, Ronnie. Maybe they'll have the right idea about us?”

“Rephrase that, because there's no such thing as _us_.”

“Why?” I say, throwing my hands in the air. I want to grab onto my head and shake it but I don't. I can't even look at her right now because she always makes me sort of feel like I'm really, really small in her presence. I know I am right now. “Ronnie, I'm sorry.”

“I know you are!” she says, stomping on the ground. Her chest is moving so quickly, she's taking quick, short breaths and I can tell she's pissed at me. “I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too! I'm sorry this is how it ended up, I'm sorry that we fell so far into this fantasy world that we forgot we were only human!”

I open and close my mouth, I take a step forward, but she takes one back. I lift my hands up, I put them down because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. “I miss you, I'll fall on my hands and knees, I'll do anything if it means you'll just listen to me -”

“Would you stop talking, Archie?!” she says gruffly. “Seriously just stop!”

“I won't until you listen -”

The thing stuck in my throat is knocked out of me and I feel my breath get knocked out too. She's kissing me so hard, it's like it's making up for the last five months.

She pulls away from me and her eyes look to my lips, she licks her own and her chest is heaving, like she hasn't breathed at all in the last few minutes. I don't know if she kissed me to shut me up or she fell into the trap of how much we missed each other but she's not moving, her eyes are still stuck on me.

I move my hand up to brush her hair behind her ear, she doesn't move, she doesn't flinch, her head eases a little into my hand and I sigh with relief. She's in my arms, she's touching me. I missed it so much, I almost thought it was going to kill me.

I lean in, I capture her lips again and I taste her, bourbon and florally. She tastes like home, she tastes like me. She still tastes the same, smells the same, feels the same in my hands. She still doesn't move but I feel her hands move to the back of my shirt and she pulls me closer. I move down, small kisses along her jaw, I drag my teeth along her neck.

She arches closer to me. “This is fucked up, do you know that?” she asks me.

Yeah I know it, I fucking know it. I'll fuck this up so many times if it means I get to be with her.

Even though she's fuming – I can tell, her breaths are staggered, her eyes are dark – her hands go to my belt, she unbuckles it, she rips it out of the loops of my jeans. She does it like she's never forgotten. I don't think she has.

I rip the dress she's wearing up over her head, she unclasps her own bra and her panties shimmy off her, she kicks them into the corner of the apartment.

I rip my shirt off the same way I ripped her dress off, she watches me, looks at my chest, looks down further to where my jeans are still on my body. She bites her lip, I reach over and I bite her lip for her. I cup her ass, I push her forward to me. I can see her, all of her, all the parts I would never ever fucking forget. No matter how much I tried, but I didn't try very hard.

I keep my mouth on her neck, I know how much she loves it, she used to beg for it so I bite down a little hard, I keep my hand on her ass which smooths inwards, she hisses in my ear as my fingers inch in from behind. “Ouch!” I snap as she bites down on my ear lobe but slowly, painfully, she starts circling with her tongue. I groan out loud, I'm about to fucking lose it.

I rip down my jeans and I grab behind both her thighs, hitching her up in the air and she squeals out loud. We hit the wall almost a little too hard and she sucks air between her teeth before cupping my face and kissing me fully, I melt a little, it's a little too tender. A little too much like how it used to be.

I keep her held up with my hand behind her knee and with my free hand, I pump myself up, I guide my cock in, she's slick and ready, in two thrusts I'm in and my head falls back. I can feel all of her.

I feel again.

I'm barely holding myself up so I don't know how I'm holding Veronica up. My fingers are digging into her thighs, my nails clutching at her skin and with every push, my fingers slide a little closer to her core. The sound of her skin slapping on mine is driving me fucking crazy and her eyes are squeezed shut, her mouth wide open.

I go down, I take a mouthful of her tits into my mouth, licking, sucking, biting and she hisses as I'm a little too rough. But I'm starving, I'm so damn hungry for this.

I take a hand away, I slap it to the wall to steady myself as I fuck her. I'm gonna lose it, I'm gonna fall.

She was wide open and she was everywhere, her hands were in my hair, scratching at my back, grabbing at my ass, touching my cock, anywhere and everywhere she can get her hands, they're there. I feel like she's not even touching me enough even though she's touching me everywhere. I can't get enough of her, I can't get enough.

I just need every part of her.

“Ronnie,” I say breathlessly.

“Harder,” she says before she takes my lips in aggressive force.

But I want her to feel it too. I don't know if she does but this right here was more than fucking. It was me trying to lose myself, trying to be with her. I want all of her, I want to give her all of me. There was more to this, right? She feels it too, right?

“Don't stop,” she says through her teeth. “Just there, fuck, Archie, just there!” her nails are digging into my shoulders, she's moving with me against the wall.

I keep going, I keep my pace, I can see her jaw slacken, her eyes roll back. I kiss her softly, I bite her hard. “Come, Ronnie,” I tell her.

She buries her face in my shoulder and bites my collarbone, I can feel it building, throbbing, I can feel her pulsing around me and her mouth on my skin, tasting me. “Fuck,” I almost shout as I come, I feel like falling to the ground, I feel shooting stars and out of this world kind of crazy. The only thing keeping me up is Ronnie's hips and her tongue on my shoulder. The last concious part of me makes me thrust harder, frantically. I feel like a man strangled as I gasp for air.

We don't say anything as we get dressed. She chucks me my shirt and it hits me in the face but I put it on, I pull up my socks, they'd fallen to my ankles. She spins around and does up the clasp of her bra. It feels weird. It feels like it used to.

We sort of just stare at each other. I keep my hands in my pockets and she fixes a smudge of lipstick on the corner of her mouth. I don't think it's the right time to try and plead my case again so tonight, I won't. I'll just leave things a little more, I'll try and think of what to say next time. I've done enough begging for tonight. She moves a little closer to me, I let her. I need her as close as I can possibly get. Jug would tell me I'm becoming reliant on her again, he always said I was too reliant on her. And maybe I am. I don't care if I am or if it's bad for me. I'll watch it burn down, I don't care any more.

We just look at each other, she's touching my chest and I have my hands at my sides but my eyes are drinking her in. I missed her so much, every single part of her. She has a small scar on her stomach, an accident when she was seven, she told me. I want her no make up, I want her too much make up, I want her sweaty from yoga, burnt coffee beans from work, messy hair from the shower, ripped jeans and crop tops from working around the apartment, brain fried from over-thinking, sleepy conversations from doing nothing all Sunday. I miss her. “When can I see you again?”

“I don't know, Archie,” she says still touching me. “I don't know if this is a good idea or a bad one.”

“It's a good one,” I tell her, tilting her chin so she's looking at me in the eye, she looks away. “This isn't just a spur of the moment thing, Ronnie. We love each other. We lived together, this isn't the same as when we were sixteen, Ronnie. This is different...” I sigh, I'm lost for words again. “This is us.”

“We're only nineteen, we shouldn't feel this way. Drowning. All this hurt...”

I quickly bend down to kiss her on the forehead and she inhales sharply, breathing me in. I breathe her in too though, I can't get enough. I miss all of this. “I know we're young, but it's different, like I said, this is us. It's always been us – end game. Ronnie and Archie, remember?”

“How can I forget?” she sighs. “Like we were written in the stars...”

We both laugh a little. “See, you remember. This is different, tell me when I can see you again.”

“I think this was a mistake, I don't think we should do this again Archie, it's too... It's too hard for me.”

“It wasn't a mistake, it wasn't to me,” I tell her. I beg her. I reach out to her face and brush a tear from her left eye, I brush her hair out of her right. She was standing her in front of me with cotton bra and panties on, so exposed and something I was so used to. But she's crossed her arms and she's looking down at her feet.

She laughs, it's not funny. “Yeah, that's fucked up,” she murmurs. “Because that girl you made love to in our bed, that right there was your mistake.”

It feels like she might've reached into my chest, ripped open my rib cage, grab my heart and dug her purple nails into it. I choke on words. I just reach down and grab my old Letterman and I find my own way out. Jug would say something screwed up like it feels she's got a grip so tight on my heart, I could feel blood dripping out of my mouth. But it's true, because that's exactly how I feel. Maybe Jug was right, how was I to know that four years ago, when she stepped foot in Pops, it was going to be the beginning of my demise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, whatever they are will be returned with hugs and kisses from me, so be prepared.


	4. The fuck up

_**Chapter Four** _

I know her name; her name is Mia. She had a sports scholarship too and Ronnie didn’t like her from the get go. I remember getting mad about it because sometimes I felt she didn’t give any of my friends a chance; I didn’t have many friends, Juggie stayed in Riverdale and yeah, it was hard to try and move out of Riverdale’s mindset. We grew up small town, I was used to my small group of friends but a new College meant a new life, didn’t it?

Ronnie always had this thing where if she didn’t like someone, she made it blatantly obvious. That’s sort of one of the things I love about Ronnie, she doesn’t fake for no one. Even when she’s being blatantly rude to someone, I could easily pull her over to my side and kiss her a million times. She never melted, but then, I don’t think I wanted her too. Jug would always say something like at least Ronnie is true to herself, and she is. She’s like the yin to my yang, because it doesn’t matter how much someone might rub me up the wrong way, I can’t be rude to anyone. Juggie always said that I was two faced in the best way possible. I didn’t know what the meant until recently. But it’s a respect kind of thing, I can’t disrespect people. Not really.

Not unless they’re my girlfriend who I love with all my heart and soul. I learned that the fucking hard way.

Ronnie was my balance. She’s snarky and snappy and I’m cool and calm. She’s burning, raging fires and I’m just like a warm bath. I’m damp and the novelty kind of wears off after a little while. No one likes a cold bath. No one likes a cheater either.

Before, it used to make me mad how straight forward Veronica is. She could say things that other people wouldn’t even dream of saying out loud. The sort of things that would make peoples heads turn or gasp out loud. Not obnoxious like Cheryl; Ronnie was a whole other level of snark.  Mia was so nice to her, she wanted to get to know her because we shared a lot of classes together. She’d go into Ronnie’s coffee shop and buy coffees from her, tell her that we should all hang out sometime, and ask her how I was enjoying classes. She showed me around campus and taught me where the best places to eat were. She was fun, she had dark hair too. I think maybe I have a thing for dark hair. She smiled a lot and she was easy going and now I look back and I hate her. A whole fucking lot. Jug tells me I shouldn’t. But I do.

It was two drinks, that’s all it took. Two fucking drinks ended me. She took my number, she hit me up. Two more drinks, two days later and we were laughing and the only people at the bar. Ronnie was tired, she started doing later shifts at the coffee shop. And she didn’t care much about my injury, she said we could move back to Riverdale. I wish we did. I wish she had forced me to, then we’d be happy in Riverdale, not lost in nothing. She wanted us to go back to Riverdale, she didn’t care if I had to take over my dad’s business. But I did. Because I was supposed to be way more than Riverdale. I wanted to be more for her too; but mostly, I think it was just for myself.

I was pissed, Ronnie didn’t care about my injury, but Mia did. She told me so many times that I could have been something, Ronnie just wanted me to be happy, she didn’t care about what _could_ _have_ been. Mia wanted to comfort me, she saw how hurt I was; why couldn’t Ronnie?

I don’t know how many drinks we sunk that night. How many laughs turned into stolen glances that night? How many brushes of her hand on my arm happened? Wet lips on my cheeks? I wish I had answered Jug’s calls that night, it could have saved me. He really could have saved me. Turns out that he was calling me to say JB was in town for a weekend and he wanted me to join them, he wanted Ronnie to spend sometime with JB too. JB’s like my little sister and I brushed her off that weekend because I more interested in the feeling that a stranger could give me; fuck the family, I wanted to live in that moment. So instead I sunk right into her, she was quick in the back of car. I remember she moved hot and heavily, her sweat warm on my skin, I smelt like her and I made me sick. I still hopped in my bed, the one I shared with Ronnie and then the next morning, I could still smell her on me as Ronnie tip-toed to kiss me. Her smell was poisonous, but I missed it the next day as I felt guilty in the shower.

I don’t know when the true fuck up started, it was probably when I didn’t just see her that once. It happened _twice_.

Jug’s already told me that I shouldn’t hate her. And that’s why I don’t talk about her to him because Jug has his head screwed on and I always hate how logical he is. Jug’s always been a lot smarter than me. _“It takes two to tango,”_ he told me. _“But it only takes one fuck up to ruin the dance.”_ I don’t know how he thinks of these things. But he’s smart and he speaks the truth but no one wants to hear the truth, do they?

“You want to hit Pop’s tonight while your dad’s gone?” he asks me. “I don’t feel like cooking and you don’t have your father’s cooking skills…”

I snigger. “A better cook than you,” I mumble. That isn’t true and he knows it.

“Burgers though, dude. I could do with a burger…” he says. But I see his mind ticking. “No shake though.”

“ _Jug_ ,” I say slowly, not wanting to offend him but we’ve climbed this mountain a few times. “You can’t even go to Pop’s without freaking out…”

“About what?” he asks me, blank faced. He’s avoiding it, he doesn’t want to hear it. No one wants to hear the truth, do they?

“About Betty,” I explain. “You can’t even stand the smell of a vanilla shake let alone go in there, we’ll get something else for dinner.”

“Fine,” he says, “But…” I stop listening… “You’re zoning out on me dude,” Jug says, clicking his fingers. “What’s up?”

Jug’s laying on the couch, feet up and I’m sitting in front of him, on the floor. I feel like wishing my life away but I feel like getting up and running too, I feel like running all the way to Veronica. I just feel like doing something because I feel like we don’t do much anymore. “Nothing,” I lie to him.

He’s not sold on it but he’s too observant to think otherwise anyways. “Where were you last night, huh?”

She’d slammed me against the wall, she ripped at my t-shirt, she fell to her knees, she licked the tip of my length, my head fell back and I hit the wall, I gripped onto her hair. I kissed her a thousand times before she kicked me out of the house again and I forgot my shoes. I was punishing myself even more by continuing to see her, she hated me a little more I think. But she keeps inviting me over and I will never keep away from her. “I went to Ronnie’s,” I tell him honestly.

Jug rolls over on the sofa before sitting up and shaking his head. “Nah you didn’t…”

“I wish I didn’t,” I mumble. “It would have worked out better,” I say, chucking a baseball in the air.

Jug reaches out to grab it and he does it with ease before looking at me in disbelief. “You went to Ronnie’s last night, at eleven. And then what?”

“I went to pick her up from work and drop Cheryl off,” I explain, not meeting his eyes. “And then I took Ronnie home.”

“You didn’t sleep with her, did you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I look away from him because I know he can read straight through me. “Is it your business? Be more specific with what you mean by _sleep_.”

“I didn’t know there needed to be specifications, so now I am thinking the worst of it.”

“I was just running late,” I tell him, lying through my teeth.

“You weren’t home by the time I fell asleep…”

“What are you?” I snap. “My fucking mom?!”

Jug pauses and then throws the ball in the air. “Might as well be with the attitude you’re showing me…”

“Ugh!” I say, turning away from him. I can still feel him glaring at me. He was asking me heaps of questions, ones I couldn’t answer; ones I didn’t want to. He’s been telling me for weeks that what I’m doing isn’t healthy but that was rich because he’s not healthy either. Sitting in my bedroom waiting for Betty? That wasn’t good, was it?

No.

I hate feeling like this towards Juggie. He’s my best friend, it’s always been us two. Even when shit hit the fan, he was there. We’re fifteen years of friendship, right here, laying on this sofa. It was him and I through school, even when I was a complete and utter douchebag, he was there for me. When Grundy rolled around and fucked up that little part of innocence in me, he was there. When he had nowhere to go, it was natural for him to come here. I sat with him through Betty’s leaving. We sat in his car for two whole hours at the Bus Depot. He wouldn’t leave and I wouldn’t leave _him_. I couldn’t do that. Ronnie bought us dinner, we sat up in the car and steamed the windows but I was there for him, I know he kept his burger wrapper from that day, it’s still in the glove compartment. He jokes and says it’s from the day that Ronnie and I kissed away his tears. I think it’s more a token of how his world ended. Either way, Ronnie was there for him too. And now it’s just a crude reminder to both Jug and I.

When I completely fucking ruined my life, he was on the other end of the phone. I can still hear the shock in his voice when I rung him, begging him to tell me what to do. Jughead is the smartest person I know, I needed him to tell me what to do. To explain everything. I needed him to tell me that I was going to be ok and it was all going to sort itself out and Ronnie was going to come back to me. We never did have that conversation, it didn’t play out like that at all.

“I don’t need your lectures,” I say, folding my arms feeling like a kid. “I’m ok.”

“ _Archie_ ,” he says carefully and slowly and it sounds just like the way his mom used to talk when she tried to explain things to us. Condescending. “I know you really want her back…”

Before I know it, my voice is rising. “Really want her back? Juggie, I’m fucking _dying_ for this.”

“You need to give her space -”

“Yeah,” I scoff. “Because you’re in the right position to give me relationship advice -”

Jug shoves my shoulder from above me and glares. “At least I didn’t mess around on Betty.”

He’s blank faced as he says it, he doesn’t care how much it hurts. Sometimes that’s the worst thing about Juggie, the fact that he does not care. I’m blank faced too though, he can hurt me over and over and it’s not going to affect me ‘cause I’m kinda used to hurting myself.

I’m trying to ignore the feeling but I’m shit at lying and it does hurt me. “Why would you say that?” I hiss.

“I’m sorry,” he replies quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that, I know I shouldn’t be dishing out advice, but this is deeper than Betty and I. You broke Ronnie’s trust!”

“I see you got that line from her, that’s her favourite one.”

Jug rolls his eyes. “Going back to her, going to Misty Blacks all the time, sleeping with her, it’s only hurting her and making you more confused.”

“I’m not confused,” I snap at him, “I know _exactly_ what’s happening, I know exactly what I did. Why do you even care?!”

“Because!” he says throwing his hands in the air. “Do you honestly think that all of this is helping your case, Arch?” he says, eyes widening. “That playing with Veronica like this is going to make a difference, going to her house is going to make her want to go back? Shit, Archie, you’re a clever boy! Use your damn brain!”

“I don’t have to stay here and listen to you,” I say, standing up, trying to walk away but Jug rushes behind me, grabs my shoulder, spins me around. I look to the floor like a little kid, I feel like one. I feel pathetic.

He can see it, right? That I don’t want to talk about it. That I don’t want to listen. That I don’t want to do this anymore. I could go to Ronnie’s every night and be nothing as long as I can be by her, tell her how sorry I am. Just be with her.

“You’re right, you don’t have to stay here and listen to me. But I’m not going to watch this poison you from the inside out, maybe you need to realise that what you did was wrong and begging doesn’t make things better -

“I KNOW IT WAS WRONG!” I shout at him. “I fucked Mia on _OUR_ BED, Juggie! Not once but _twice_!” I’m shaking, my head is throbbing and I’m shaking and shaking and the only thing keeping me up is Juggie’s hand on my shoulder.

His lips are a straight line. He’s looking at me like he’s never really seen the real me before which might be true because I don’t know how many things I’ve done in our fifteen years that’ve caused an argument, I haven’t seen him look at me the way he is now. It’s like the colour has drawn out of his skin and his eyes have darkened a little. He’s seeing me for the first time, and I’m nothing but the poison he says is seeping into me. “Arch -”

I laugh, it’s not funny. It’s not funny at all. “Have you ever seen someone who’s supposed to trust you, lose all trust in you? Have you ever seen someone who’s supposed to love you hate you more than anyone else in the world? No? _No you haven’t?”_ I ask, shaking. I can see he is too. He’s waiting  for me. He’s waiting for me to mention Betty. So I do. “You wouldn’t know what that’s like because you haven’t seen Betty, but I bet you, when you do, she’ll look at you like that too!”

I feel sick for saying that, but I can’t take it back now. All I can do is watch Jug’s face contort in pain, I hate it. I despise making him feel like this. But if I’m feeling it, he can too. He can watch it burn down too. “Let it out,” he mumbles. “Come on, tell me how you really feel.”

“I feel fucking _sick_!” I say, punching the air. “I feel like I’ve got nothing to live for! I feel like it doesn’t matter how good Mia felt when I was with her, I could fuck her a hundred times and it won’t even be _close_ to how I feel when I’m with Veronica! I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m not with her! I feel like everyone thinks I’m this god damn _SAINT_ but I’m nothing! Nothing! _I’m nothing_! I’m not bigger than Riverdale, Juggie!” I say, slamming my fists on his chest. “You lied when you told me that!”

“I didn’t lie,” he says calmly. And I hate him for being so calm. “You are more than that, you’ve always have been -”

“Stop it!!” I yell. “I’m not bigger than Riverdale, I’m the fucking kid who’s lost everything! I’m not _more_ than this! I’ve done some fucked up shit!” I grip onto his shoulders. “Tell me that this isn’t going to be ok, tell me I’m a fucking idiot, tell me I shouldn’t have fucked Mia in our bed! Tell me the truth for fucking once!”

Jug’s eyes are watering, I can see it, I’m so close to him I can smell tobacco on his clothing and the cheap body spray he uses it. I can feel him shaking too, he’s scared. I don’t know if he is, but he doesn’t feel right. He’s shaken, I know that. He’s got my tears on his shirt. It’s embarrassing and I feel stupid for it. “It’s not going to be ok, not when you feel like this,” he says quietly. “And you’re an idiot for it, you shouldn’t have fucked Mia in your bed – you shouldn’t have fucked her at all. You don’t do that to the ones you love.”

“You don’t leave them either, for no reason. You don’t just leave Betty when she’s supposed to be your sunlight.”

He sniggers, he smiles. There’s nothing to smile about. “I guess neither of us are going to win tonight,” he says, he walks away.

He slams the door in my fucking face.

“ _JUGHEAD_!” I shout. “Don’t walk away from me!”

I’m yelling at nothing, I’m yelling at a door. It feels like I’m repeating time, because I yelled at the door for so long, begging for Veronica to come back. She didn’t. She stayed the fuck away.

Because that’s what I deserve.

* * *

  
I stand outside Ronnie’s mom’s apartment as I ring the bell. The door clicks open and I’m faced with Hermione Lodge, frowning at me. “Hey Hermione,” I say, kicking my feet on the carpet of the hallway. “Is Ronnie home?”

“ _Veronica_ ,” she says sourly and kind of like she’s correcting me. “Is in her room, Archie.”

“Right,” I say, staring at Hermione hair because I feel like an idiot trying to avoid her eyes. “Do you think…?”

“Think what, Archie? Think you should go home? Yes,” Hermione snaps. “You stink of alcohol,” she says matter-of-factly. “ _Gin_.”

I nod, I put my hands in my pocket and keep nodding. What else can I say? Say sorry to Hermione too? I think about it a little more, maybe that would be a good idea. I could say sorry to her, I could say sorry to Hiram then everyone would know how sorry I am. “Hermione,” I start but she shakes her head.

“Come in, Archie,” she murmurs, “If Ronnie knew you were here and I never let you in, I’d never hear the end of it.”

I follow after her, still kicking my feet along, not looking at anything and following straight to Veronica’s room.

It’s dark, she’s got a candle flickering. Ronnie’s always liked burning candles. Our apartment always smelled so good because she’d have a candle going. Every night after work at the coffee shop, she’d light one and I’d run her a bubble bath and even though our bath was super crappy and I think it had mould in it, she didn’t care. It was just her escape. I think she does a lot of escaping these days.

She doesn’t get up from out of her bed, she has her hair out and she’s reading a book, her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose. “Archie?” she says.

I’m getting sick of hearing my name, her and Jug repeating my name makes me feel everyone’s trying to demand something of me. Trying to make me that good guy I’m supposed to be. “Hey, Ronnie,” I say weakly. “I’m…”

“Drunk. I can tell, you’ve got the pink-happy cheeks.”

“I’m not happy,” I mumble. “I feel like shit.”

“You’re going to in the morning, that’s for sure.”

I laugh to myself, she watches me like I’m crazy. “I’m gonna be a lot of things in the morning,” I say, laughing again.

“Nursing a headache; you’ve never been able to handle gin,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“I can’t handle a lot of shit.”

“I know you can’t.”

“I think you’re trying to tell me something without saying it,” I stumble on my words. “I want to tell you something; I miss you.”

She frowns at me as I stand in her door way as if I’m waiting for something. Once upon a time, I would have fallen into this bed, wrapped her up in my arms. Wished away a million days so we could just lie together. Now I’m standing in a room she hasn’t even let me in, the most that we are is fucking in her loungeroom. “What are you doing here?” she asks me.

I wish I could lie but I think I can feel tears prickling again. Have you ever seen a man lose everything? That man would look like me. I didn’t want to leave Jug the way I did, but I also didn’t want to stay there with him when he thinks I’m all kinds of bad at the moment. I sniff my almost running nose, I wipe the corner of my eyes, I look to the roof for answers. “Cheryl told me that you didn’t work today.”

She’s barely looking at me, she looks back down to her book. “You’re saying this like you’re pissed you didn’t know that I wasn’t working…”

“I was.”

“Why?” she snaps. “You don’t need to know everything anymore, Archie,” she says a little exasperated. “We’re not together anymore.”

I groan and walk over to the bed, my knees hitting the bottom. I feel it, the familiar feeling of her covers, I can smell her. “I still want to know everything, everything about you,” I say, rubbing my eyes. “I don’t want to not be together!”

“What’s wrong?” she asks, finally a trace of _her_ in her words. I want to wrap myself up in them.

In her.

She’s making me feel better already, even though her eyes are looking at me like I’m a bit crazy, even though she doesn’t drop the book she’s reading, even though she leaves me standing in the door. I drink it in, I think this is the easiest I’ve felt all day. “Jug and I had a fight,” I tell her.

“About what?”

“About you.”

I’m kind of shaking, I’m kind of worried. I kind of don’t even know what I’m doing or if I’m going home. I feel tears break and I think this is the first time I’ve felt like crying in a long time, since the first time I lost her.

“Archie,” she says gently, whipping back her blanket but still sitting there, unsure of what to do.

“I lost you, Ronnie,” I say, still praying to the roof, my hands still in my pocket and my head throbbing. “I lost you, I lost my scholarship, my dad thinks I’m a fuck up, Jug does too – I’ve lost him too!”

Ronnie shakes her head but she pats the bed next to her, I’m plastered to the floor, I can’t move. I can’t go over there, I’ve lost her, I don’t have the right.

She lets me stand. I remember there was a time when I felt like shit, she’d be the one there, pushing me along, getting me to keep fighting but we are both sort of stuck in the moment – the one where we don’t know what to do.

“You’ll never lose Jug,” she whispers. “You’re not that dumb and he’s not that harsh.”

“I lost you!” I snap back.

“I’m just that harsh.”

There’s more silence. We’re watching each other, she’s watching me to see what I’m going to do but I’m watching her too, twice as closely. “No you’re not.”

She wipes both corners of each of her eyes and looks to the ceiling again. “I have to be.”

I do it again, I think about how I’m going to do it. It’s running ten times faster in my dead brain. I’m going to beg again. I slap my hands together and I plead. “Take me back,” I beg. “I’m sorry. I don’t love her! I never had! I’m sorry!” I feel like falling to the ground; I’ve done it before, I can do it again. I need to. I don’t though because the room feels like it’s spinning. “I want to turn back time so I don’t fuck up! Can’t you see?” I say through tears but I can’t see through. “I’m fucked up for this!”

“Archie…” she says weakly but I shake my head, gin sloppy and messy through it.

“Veronica,” I say in a breath. “I can’t do this!” I beg again. “I can’t live without you! I’m dying for this!”

“Come here,” she says, holding out her arms to me. “Stop being so dramatic, Archie.”

I want to argue with her, tell her I’m not being dramatic. But I was. I didn’t care how dramatic I sound right now, I want her to know that it’s killing me – all of this was becoming the end of me. I watch her arms, they don’t fall, she doesn’t pull the blanket back up. She’s all skin and short shorts and arms wide open.

I walk slowly to the bed, my head hanging, my heart racing. This was all too much, this was too much for me. Jug was right, I broke trust but trust’s arms were open for me. I fall into her, my head finds it’s favourite place in the crook of her neck. Her hair was still wet which is weird because Ronnie could never sleep with wet hair. But she’s told me heaps of times now that she’s changed. She’s changed so much, but in the smallest ways possible.

She smells like caramel and roses as I bury myself in the crook of her neck. Her skin is touching me but my arms lay awkward and limp at my sides. She inhales deeply as I pull my knees up her bed. Feeling comfortable. I feel fucking uneasy and safe at the same time. My head rests on her chest, my cheek against her breasts. I can hear her steady heartbeat, I know it sounds fucked up but I almost recognise the familiar rhythm. I know Jug would hate me for thinking something like that. But I do. I think about it all the time. She pulls up the blanket over us both and I kind of just ease into her touching me. I ease into her as she brushes my hair away from my eyes.

“Don’t go,” she whispers against my neck. “You’re going to ok, Archie. It’s not the end of the world.”

“It is,” I say croakily. “It’s the end of mine.”

“Just live in the moment,” she says sweetly. “You’re used to it,” she says sourly.

I lie in her arms. I feel like drifting. I feel like nothing’s changed, we could be in our old apartment right now, lying in each other’s arms, wishing that we didn’t have college and work the next day.

But now, all we have is each other in our cold arms. Knowing that tomorrow, this was all going to end again.

The feeling of guilt comes into me, I have that same weird feeling that I got when I thought about Mia the day after I fucked her. It makes me feel sick, I can taste gin in my mouth. I couldn’t be any closer to Ronnie than I am now, but when will that sick in the gut guilt fade away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you love it, tell me if you hate it. Varchie is heaps of angsty fun for me so... I shall continue on anyways.


	5. The beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the small, dedicated team of followers with this fic. I know Varchie is not a Riverdale favourite, but I appreciate the small tokens of affections I get from you guys. I'm humbled.

_ **Chapter five** _

 

_ Five months earlier _

She wasn't supposed to be here, she wasn't supposed to come back. We were supposed to forget the last time, the only thing I remember of the _last_ time was the feeling of her hair in my face and her thighs slick against mine. She smelled like coconut rum and I had left Jug messages to call me back, my conscience was talking to me. Jug was supposed to be my Angel but only the Devil made a difference. I remember her running her tongue down my chest, taking all of me in, deeper, harder, she licked her lips and smiled to herself. I remember my jaw felt so tense, it was like concrete under my skin. I remember forcing myself so fucking hard into her when she was in the back seat of my car and the way her lips turned into a smirk as she watched me, my head thrown back, my eyes almost screwed shut. I called out her name as I came. The next day, I scrubbed my body down so hard, I tore skin. Ronnie watched me in the shower as I scrubbed my skin raw. She asked me what I was doing, I lied and told her I felt dirty. What a joke; I felt downright _filthy_. One mistake, I could handle it. I started sleeping better at night after a few weeks, I learned how to joke again – I barely saw Mia in classes and Ronnie was slowly coming back to me. But _she's_ here and it's happening all over again.

I'm not even drunk. I can't use it as an excuse. I'm sober, my mind is clear, my thoughts are straight. I'm sober. I'm so fucking rational right now, I know what I'm doing is wrong. I have no excuse. It's so fucking wrong. The only excuse I have is that I'm stupid and I'm burning down in one go.

She's riding me from the top, hips circling on top of me _._ _Ronnie_ _won't_ _even touch me at the moment, she's mad at me because I can't get over the scholarship._

She's scratching my chest, licking her lips. _Veronica told me I gotta accept I won't always be the best. I want to be the fucking best._

I _am_ the best.

The breath is knocked out of me but all I can see is the shape of Ronnie's body, her lips, her taste and how she tastes a little bit like me but she's not listening to me, she hasn't listened to me in a long time and I want to taste difference, I need to feel strange. I'm pumping into unfamiliarity right fucking now. Ronnie wasn't here, all I have on me is Mia.

This is just negative energy for me to feed on.

She rolls herself onto her side so her ass is sitting in my lap, my hand gripping into her shoulder as I slide in from behind. She was here because she's supposed to be dropping off protein samples of all fucking things. She smiled at me when she was at the door, how did that smile turn into me fucking her from behind? She's so smooth on top of me and all different kinds of wrong. Ronnie gets down nasty with me, but this is _evil_. Hot slapping, skin on skin, raw and fucking _wrong_.

She's grinding into me, I can feel the softness of her ass on my pelvis. My thighs hurt, they're almost tensing up into cramps. She looks over her shoulder, she flicks her hair, her eyes roll back as I hit her in the right spot. I close my eyes. I wish they would fucking shut forever.

My toes dig into the sheets; the sheets are unravelling underneath us, her fingers are tangled in them as the fitted sheet flicks back, her skin is pale and wet. I'm slipping in and out of her.

Hell never fucking felt so good.

Ronnie says I don't have an ounce of bad in me; I've stopped at no fucking end to prove that wrong. I can almost hear her in my mind, I can hear Juggie over the phone yelling at me. Everyone proven wrong. Love doesn't feel good. Love is fucked up and makes you feel like you're choking. Love makes you angry and sometimes you lose yourself in a mess of sweat.

She reaches back and grips onto my ass, bringing us closer together, never letting me go. “Fuck me, Archie,” she says loudly.

I keep slapping against her until I can't hear anything else but my wet skin angry against her wet skin.

And then there's nothing but a loud bang of the door against the wall.

I can't hear anything.

* * *

 

Now

“Two days, huh? Gotta be some sort of record, yeah?” dad says, looking up from over the top of his newspaper.

Vegas keeps eating from dad's plate but dad doesn't even bat an eyelid. Jug would says something like, ' _the dog is hungry, let him eat._ _'_ But I just feel dad feels sorry for Vegas in his old age. I pour another glass of juice; I don't look at dad.

“I came home last night,” I say with a shrug.

Dad glares at me. “I wasn't talking about you being home, Arch. I was talking about you not talking to Jughead.”

I gulp loudly and turn to look away, wishing I could just go up to my room but I know Jug will be in there. “I'm not _not_ talking to him, Dad.”

“Well if that's true,” he says slowly. “Then maybe we should talk about where you've been the last couple of nights.”

I roll my eyes and then turn to face him. I can feel the lecture coming on, if it's not him, it's Jug. “I've been out,” I say simply.

Dad grunts and then goes back to looking at his paper, pretending he's reading it. “Geez, if it's not you, it's Jughead, where did I go wrong with you boys?”

I can tell he's being serious. He thinks he's fucked up somehow. It feels like shit knowing that dad feels this way because all this has nothing to do with him. We're the fuck ups. “It's not me,” I say like a kid.

“Jug's not been right since Betty left, you know that sometimes I find him reading over old messages from her? I asked him to delete them but I don't think he will. I've offered to pay for him to visit her, he won't. Then there's....” dad trails off.

“Then there's _me_ ,” I say sourly. “The worst of your kids.”

Dad sighs and rubs his face. “You're not the worst...”

He thinks I'm shit, but I'm not the worst. That's great.

“But what?” I ask, dropping my glass of juice on the bench a little too hard.

“ _Archie_ ,” he warns like I'm a little kid. “Don't start.”

“Don't start? Jesus, you sound like Jughead!”

Dad's eyes widen and I can tell I've stepped in it. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself, son. You lost your scholarship, not your life!”

“Feels the same,” I mumble. “Feels the fucking same.”

“What I'm trying to say is, move on a little. Leave Veronica alone, maybe you need to. It might make you feel better when you're around her, but it might be a different feeling when she's around you...”

“I'm stupid, I don't know what to do.”

Dad sighs and I can tell he feels sorry for me. “You're not stupid, Archie. You did a stupid thing but you're not stupid.”

“I'm stupid and a fuck up,” I mumble. “Why can't you see that, dad?”

“I can't see it because it's not true, son,” he says sternly. “You're not a fuck up!”

“Yeah I am.”

“No you're not!” he snaps. “Pick yourself up, Archie! You have to keep going. And leave Ronnie to keep going too!”

I don't listen to dad's advice. I don't care how bad it is for me to be around her, I want to watch it burn down. “Stop...”

“Mistakes you made son, as a teenager, as a young _boy_ , those aren't your fault. But mistakes you're making, as a _man_ , you gotta own them.”

* * *

 

Jug's here. But he's not involved. He's leaning over the bar with heavy eyes and he's slurring his words. “Did you know she might have a boyfriend?” he sniggers. “A boyfriend, and here I am...”

“No _might,_ last I heard, Mister Jones,” Cheryl says with a shrug. “It was very much a set in stone kind of thing. Do you know the funny thing about stone, Jughead?”

He shakes his head and his long hair goes flying. He hasn't shaved; something that had changed in the last three days apparently. The funny thing about Jughead is that he tells me people don't really change. I bet my last buck that he thought Betty wouldn't change, let alone move on. It took Betts twelve months to move on and I'm still counting down the months until Jug does. The funny thing about Jug is that he doesn't move on. Ever. He brings up all the dirt, all the sour and lays it out on the table. That's the funny thing about Jug. Ironic because it's not funny at all, really. I don't laugh. He doesn't either. It was never funny. “What's the funny thing about stone?”

Cheryl lifts an eyebrow. “It's unbreakable.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, taking a sip of his warm beer.

Cheryl sighs like she's annoyed and throws a dirty towel at him. “I mean she's in with this boy and you're around here causing havoc in the bar being lonely and brooding and not breaking your lonely ass routine; piss off, won't you?”

Jughead smirks and bites his lip.”Maybe I want in with you...” he trials off.

Ronnie's eyes widen and she tilts her head at Jughead before shooting a look at me. I'm happy for it because the funny thing with Ronnie is that she's been shooting me mad looks all night, wondering why the fuck I'm here. Funny thing, really, because I'm been wondering the same thing. “You're treading on dangerous grounds, Juggie,” Ronnie tells him.

He knows he is. He's living for it, I can tell. “Maybe danger is what I need.”

“The best kind of wrong,” I mumble. He catches on.

“Yeah, you'd know, wouldn't you dude,” he mumbles back at me.

I take a shot of vodka.

Cheryl looks down at the bar and lifts her shoulders. “If Betty has a new toy boy, then she's missing out,” she says quietly. I feel vodka catch in my throat and I try not to make my eyes grow.

“Shit,” Juggie whispers. “That has to be the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Cheryl shrugs and throws a damp towel at him. “Don't get used to it, Willy Wonka, I don't usually say nice things. But it is true, if she doesn't appreciate you as a guy who likes to look like he's straight out of a Emo music video and enjoys burgers, then I don't know what people want in a man any more.”

Juggie looks at me briefly and takes a shot of vodka himself. “I don't know who told you the story of Betty and I,” he says roughly. “But I think if you heard the right story, then you'd be anti _me_ and pro _Betty_.”

Cheryl laughs. “Don't be silly,” she says. “Maybe you would benefit more from me knowing exactly what I know and palming off my pity towards your sorry ass. No one stays with their High School Sweetheart, sweety!” she says, reaching over the bar to pat him on the shoulder. “So don't get beat up over it.”

“You're right,” he replies, shooting me a glance. “That's true.”

Jug hasn't been many words to me in the last few days and I can see Ronnie eyeing us both. Jug was better at reading people than me but if I couldn't read Veronica, then I don't know who I can read. I'm reading her. She's concerned for Jug and disgusted in me. “What?” I ask her.

She shrugs and goes back to drying a glass. “Glad to see you guys are hanging out again.”

Jug sniggers and looks at his glass. “I don't know what story Archie has told you, but I'd hardly call this a hanging out affair.”

“Nice choice of words, Captain Sparrow,” Cheryl says, rolling her eyes. “Considering,” she says, pointing at Ronnie and I at the same time.

“You are an evil one aren't you, Cheryl,” Ronnie snaps.

“I didn't know that I shouldn't be talking about it,” Cheryl replies.

“You truly have no filter, do you?” I ask her.

She shakes her head and smiles because she's pleased with herself. “Oh Archie, you don't want to get on my bad side, do you? It looks like I'm your only friend,” she says, waving her hands in front of me.

I sigh and sink further into my chair. This was getting worse and my tongue doesn't even taste like vodka yet.

Jughead keeps drinking his beer and I sip on a vodka and soda. I can feel Jug judging it. He always made fun of my calorie counting when it came to alcohol and when I moved back and took up beer again, he was happy for it. I know he wants to say something snarky about it but he doesn't. “What time do you knock off, Cheryl?” he asks.

“In an hour. Are we doing another burger run?”

He smirks at Cheryl and raises his drink to her. “If you're offering?”

“I'm not offering, but you do owe me. So I'll take you.”

Jug scoffs. “Cheryl, you've got a shit load more money than I do...”

“Hey, hey, hey,” she starts. “I thought we were all equals around here. I don't need some smart ass like you saying that I don't treat you as an equal.”

“You don't though?”

“When it comes to burgers, I will stop at no end to get my supply.”

Jug raises and eyebrow. “I think we have found our common ground.”

I barely listen to their conversation. If I didn't have an undying sense of loyalty to both Betts and Jug, I would've maybe pushed him along a little harder than I am right now. Jug needs to move on, find someone else. Betts isn't coming back. But Cheryl is all sorts of the worst kind of bad. And Jug, though dark, doesn't do bad. Not her kind at least.

He keeps ignoring me and I can feel it. But Ronnie's ignoring me more, and I'm acutely aware of that. She does start walking up this end of the bar though and all off a sudden a beer sounds good. “Hey Ronnie,” I say loudly. “Can you get me a beer?”

She smiles softly and it's kind of warming. She puts a beer on the bar and shoves it towards me. “You guys having a cute little Riverdale High reunion?” she asks, looking over to Jug and Cheryl.

“Not cute,” I tell her. “Kinda boring really.”

“Hmmm,” she says. “I can tell the conversation seems very stimulating.”

“Maybe between Jug and Cheryl,” I reply. “But not me.”

“What have you been doing today?” she asks me.

I'm a little stuck for the right words. How do you tell someone you've been thinking of them all day without sounding weird? “Hanging with dad.”

“Still no progress with Jug?”

I look down. “I haven't tried.”

“Maybe you should,” she says slapping her hand on mine. My hand feels hot and I missed her touch. “You are both so stubborn!”

“I'm being a little stubborn,” I say with as sigh. “But he's just hurt.”

“You gotta stop with this hurting people business,” she says with a frown. “You're becoming a little too good at it.”

It hurts me. It hurts me deep. I want to leave the bar, I want to run out and forget all this but even though she's hurt me with her words, I don't want to leave her. “I know.”

She keeps frowning as she wipes down the bar. “What are you doing here, Archie?”

“Trying to be close to you.”

“You were close to me two nights ago.”

How do I tell her that fucking her sporadically was hurting me? Do I deserve to feel that? No. I don't deserve to feel anything when she feels _pain_. “I know,” I reply, my heart racing. My heart's fucking flipping because I'm about to tell her something I know I shouldn't. Vodkas talking now. “I know, Ronnie... It's just, we've been through that a couple of times now and I feel like -”

“Archie!” Cheryl interrupts and I wonder if she could have chosen a worse time or if maybe it was perfect timing because I shouldn't be telling Ronnie that I feel like we could move on because we've slept together a couple of times. “Tell Jughead that Riverdale Air is not the best station!”

I screw up my face and shake my head. “Cheryl, Riverdale Air is the _only_ station in Riverdale.”

“My point exactly; people listen to Spotify now!” she argues.

Jughead sighs and puts his beer to his lips. “I don't know why we're having this argument.”

“You're arguing,” Cheryl replies.

“You're arguing with yourself, Cheryl,” Ronnie adds.

Cheryl smirks and spins on her heels. “That's the best thing, I've automatically won.”

We sit along the bar, all of us sort of not talking. Cheryl is the only one feeling free tonight.

* * *

 

She walks out of Misty Blacks and my feet feel heavy and kind of stuck to the ground but I'm chasing after her, I need to talk to her. I want to know when I can see her again, feel her again. Move as fucking _one_ with her again. “Ronnie!” I shout out, I fall over my feet but I'm up. “Wait!”

She's through the door and it slams in my face but I shove it open, I'm quick down the steps and I've almost caught up to her. I catch her with my hand on her shoulder. “Arch...” she says slowly.

She's looking me in the eye and they're glittering in the moonlight. A lot of the time she wasn't tears, she was all sharp words that make me feel like I'm being skinned alive but right now, I can see tears and they're cutting through her foundation, smudging blush. “Don't cry,” I say quickly, shaking my head, lifting my hand to her cheek but she jerks away, she cowers at my touch.

My hands lay limp at my sides and I breathe in frustration because how can I not try and comfort her? I want to wipe away her tears. I want to burn this all down and fix her. “Don't tell me not to cry!” she snaps. She bangs my chest with her fists. “DON'T TELL ME NOT TO CRY!” she shrieks.

I can feel it; it's echoing through me. I almost smile to myself because shit, her yelling feels so good. I feel it, I need to hear it. She's being honest with me. She's letting me feel her again. “I won't,” I say weakly.

She groans and looks up to the sky, she laughs humourlessly. “How can you be so normal?” she asks. “Coming in, laughs with Cheryl; you keep coming over and we're sleeping together yet it's nothing else!”

“I want it to be -”

She cuts me off. “I know what you want it to be, Archie!” she cries. “I know what I want it to be too. I want it to be no more pain! I want it to be you and me. I want it to be...” she sniffs, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. She shoves me, her nails dig into my chest and she throws her hands in the air. “I want it to be when you loved me.”

I step forward but she steps back. I move my hands again to rest on her shoulders but she shrugs me off. I feel a tension in my chest so tight, I can't breathe properly. I need to kiss her, love her, I need to fix this. “I love you, Veronica!”

“If you did then you wouldn't have done what you did!”

“V -”

“Archie!” she shouts. “We can't just get it all back!” she cries. “It's lost!”

“I'm lost too, Ronnie,” I tell her, grip tightening on my own palms. “I said fucked up shit to Jug, I don't know how to fix it! I cheated on you and I don't know how to fix it, please, Ronnie, you're the only one who knows what to do when I fuck up and I need your help!”

I feel like falling on my knees again, but she's probably sick of seeing me do it. She's probably sick and tired of watching me beg. She's sick of my begging.

She's sick of _me_.

She's streaming now. Streaming tears. Is it sick of me to say she looks beautiful even when she's like this? I don't like to think about it, but she's beautiful no matter what state she's in. Tears streaming down her face. She's looking me in the eye and she's looking for answers but I don't have any. She used to hold all my answers. She had a hold on my brain. “I've seen you chatting with Cheryl, I mean, you guys have a history...”

“She's got more of an interest in Jug,” I say quickly. “The only history I know is ours, Ronnie.”

“Do you think that she has an interest in Jug?” she asks me.

I shake my head. Why was she changing the subject? “I think she might,” I say quickly. “But she's all kinds of wrong for him.”

“Maybe it would be good for the both of them?” she suggests, barely looking at me.

“She's bad and Jug's got too much good in him, she'll taint him – trust me.”

“Maybe they'll change each other.”

“Jug wont budge, he won't move – trust me on this too because I know how he feels.”

“Maybe she'll help him to, you don't know that.”

“Jug's too good,” I say, starting to get annoyed that we're out here talking about Jughead and Cheryl.

Ronnie sniggers. “You were all good and then you weren't.”

I reach up and grip for hair. “I was never good! I'm not good! I'm supposed to be this perfect kid, the epitome of Riverdale but I'm a fuck up! I'm not good!”

She wipes away tears, I don't know where the tears come from but I'm still fighting to not wipe them for her, kiss them away. “I know you're not! It was unrealistic to think that you were all these years. Do you know I used to lie in bed and wonder how I got so lucky to have someone like you? Someone _good_ and who was good _to_ me and good _for_ me. And now I'm just this!” she says, gesturing up and down her body. “Someone who's lost all hope in the world!”

I fall to my knees, I can't even count how many times I've done this. I fall to my knees and I lay my head on her stomach, I feel her fingers in my hair and her sigh echoing through her body. I feel wet drips on my forehead. She's crying on me. “Don't Ronnie,” I murmur against her stomach. “Baby, don't, don't tell me that. You haven't lost hope in the world, baby, please...”

“There was one person here for me at all times. It was you. Through my mom and dad, through drama in Southside with my parents, through everything, it was you. I trusted you so much, Archie, I trusted you!”

I keep shaking, I'm inhaling her smell and I'm gripping onto her sides. I want to sink right in, my knees cold on the concrete. “I'm sorry, Ronnie.”

“Stand up,” she tells me, “Come on, Archie, stand up.”

I stand up, I wipe wet from my face. I look her in the eye, I rub my thumbs over her cheek bones and she sighs into my touch. “I thought we were making progress,” I tell her. “Because you let me see you, _touch_ you. I thought things might be moving on.”

She nods and she keeps her eyes shut, licking her lips. “Maybe we are,” she whispers.

“You letting me over, letting me love you, that's progress, right?”

My head is pounding, waiting for her answer. She keeps eyes squeezed shut but she tightens her grip on my wrists, keeping my hands on her face, her skin. “We have so much to work through, so much to do. I'm still so lost.”

“I miss you,” I tell her.

“I miss you too.”

She lets go of me and she spins on the balls of her feet, walking away quickly. “Ronnie!” I shout.

“I gotta go, Archie,” she says with her back turned. “Make sure Jug gets home ok.”

“Ronnie!” I shout again, not wanting her to leave me here. I needed her to stay, get lost tonight. Just be together. “Please, don't go! Come with me!”

“I have to Archie, before I do something stupid!” she shouts back to me.

“For what it's worth,” I say loudly as she walks away. “There's no one in the world that I'd rather be with, Ronnie.”

She pauses. She doesn't turn around. Her heels are hanging at her sides and she's barefooted on the pavement. “For what it's worth, Arch. I feel the same.”

“Then come back!” I shout to her back.

“You're so far gone, I don't think I can catch up.”

* * *

 

_ Five months earlier _

I shriek. It's the only word that I know to describe it. I punch a wall, my knuckles ache. She'd slammed the door in my face but she left her purse behind. I touch it for no reason. I touch it because she's touched it. I shout again and this time I punch the sofa but I fumble for my phone with my sore hand, nursing it. I swipe for Juggie's number and I press call. I need him to answer. Please fucking answer.

My heart's fucking racing, I think I feel bile rising up my throat. I speed dial Juggie. _“Yo, it's Jughead, please leave me something decipherable rather than a jumble of numbers and names...”_

“Fuck!” I shout, “Ah, Juggie, it's me, call me back. Fuck dude, call me back.”

Nothing.

I ring it again but it goes straight to answer machine again; _“Yo, it's Jughead, please leave me something decipherable rather than a jumble of numbers and names...”_

“Jug!” I shout almost. I break down. Tears come. “Please, bro, I need you. Jug...” I hang up.

I feel the place spinning, where did she go? She's gone. She's gone. She's fucking gone.

It feels so cold in the apartment but I'm sweating. I'm fucking sweating. I can't even concentrate. She's gone, she left. She didn't even look at me. She just threw my phone, the screen smashed against the fridge door. She didn't look at me, she didn't say anything. She's just gone, the vase is smashed on the ground too, the one her mom bought for our house warming gift. It's smashed.

I can't breathe, I punch my chest, I rip at my hair. I let out a screech that makes the tears come, they're coming, they're flowing. They don't stop. I look down at shattered glass on the floor and I fall down next to it. I feel like putting my hands amongst it, trying to pick up the pieces.

The phone's ringing.

I scramble for it, glass does get stuck in one of my fingers but I ignore it as I swipe to open. I put the phone to my ear but I can't talk, the tears are hot on my face.

“Archie?”

It's Jug. I haven't felt so fucking relieved to hear from my best friend in a long time. I'm silent on the phone, I can't concentrate. But I close my eyes and squeeze them shut. “Jug,” I say in a breath.

“Archie, are you ok, bro?”

I shake my head but I know he can't see me. Where could she be? She could be anywhere right now. “Juggie,” I force out. “I've fucked up. It's fucked up. Jug, I don't know what to do!”

“You haven't murdered someone, have you? You're ringing the wrong Jones if you need advice on covering up a mur -”

“Jug!” I say, cutting him off. I know he's trying to make me laugh but he doesn't know the extent of it. “I fucked up -” I feel the world spinning, I can't see straight. My head feels like it's blood in my hands. “Jug. I cheated on Veronica.”

There's dead silence. I can't hear anything. There's nothing.

“Fuck,” he mutters. “Archie... That's bad.”

I hear my phone crack a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it or hate it? Either way, let me know. You guys all make me blush in the best way possible. I love you all. Special mentions to the following people: Bewareoftrips, Mojomore, undercoverrose, blackkeys09, expeliarmusimaduck. You guys, though small, have singlehandedly kept me going. And those who follow me on tumblr and have a shout out on my tumblr page, you guys too. (Though a couple of you got double the shout outs so hence double the love!)


	6. The Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone say 'progress'?. Because here's some Varchie progress for my loves.

_ **Chapter Six** _

 

Jughead puts down his laptop and glares at me. I'm glaring at the wall. So essentially, I'm doing nothing. It's been almost two weeks since we've really spoken and dad hates us for it. He yelled at us last night, like we're kids. We're kids fighting – that's what we are now.

He sniffs and rubs his nose before clearing his throat but I keep staring at the wall – the wall just next to the window that looks out to Betty's room. I wish she was here; she'd talk to me. She'd tell me what to do – after she lays into me – but she'd give me direction. That was something that I needed.

“Arch...” Jug say warily.

I almost don't believe he's talking, I snap up my head quickly and frown. “You don't have to talk to me just because dad's pissed at us.”

Jughead sniggers and wipes something off his laptop with his hat. “I'm not doing it because Fred's told me to.”

I nod and look to my best friend. He has his hat screwed up in a ball and he's frowning back at me. I should be used to it, but it makes me feel like he's worried about me. Everyone's sort of worried about me. “I'm sorry,” I mumble at him. “For being a fucking prick.”

Jughead laughs and shakes his hair out, messy and long. A complete change to his usually shorter hair but I wonder if it's him trying to make out like he's changing. “You're the only prick I like, so don't worry about it.”

I laugh at him, my grin isn't so big but it's there. He's comforting me. Just talking to him makes all the difference because I don't feel like many people talk to me. They just tell me things. Things that make me feel like a mistake. “Gross, but ok.”

Jughead smiles back and tucks his hair back into his beanie. “We don't have to talk about it...”

Yeah, he's saying that but it means the complete opposite. “I don't mean to bring up Betty all the time.”

Jug shrugs and taps on the top of his laptop, I can feel he's nervous. “Maybe talking about her will make the difference...Maybe talking about Ronnie too...”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him. “Brother to brother?”

“I miss her so much it's like I'm bleeding,” he says sourly. “It sounds horribly cliché of me but that's how it feels. All because she hated me being a Serpent. And now I'm not one. And now she's got a boyfriend.”

We never really spoke about why Jug never followed Betty but we also don't really talk about him being a Serpent either. I know I should know these things, because Jug is my best friend; my _brother_. I should know everything about him. But I don't. Because I don't want to hurt him by knowing every detail. I know Betty left, I know he didn't follow. I knew she hated him being Southside and sometimes she'd cry about it. Sometimes she'd lock her window and not let him up. And that's how he ended up at my dad's. Because he left Southside, but he left too late. “You're not Southside anymore though,” I tell him, reaching over to his shoulder and giving him a shake. “You gave it up for her.”

He scoffs. “Yeah, left it too late. Wound up being too stubborn. You know the saying; _'cut your nose to spite your face'_?” he laughs. “That's what I did. Saw her off on the bus with my Serpents jacket on, a metaphorical spit in the face.”

I watch his eyes darken and he keeps rubbing his hands together; a nervous movement. I feel for Jug. I feel so deeply for him because all he ever had that was consistent in his life was Betty and the Serpents and they could not come together. I keep my hand on his shoulder, I keep letting him know I was there. “Betts is Betts,” I tell him. “And she doesn't budge. But you're ok now, Juggie. And maybe if you just go and see her, message her, call her, she'll realise that you guys are supposed to be together, she'll see it!”

Jug smiles weakly but I can tell he's not convinced. “I'll leave her,” he says quietly. “But that's why we shouldn't talk about her again. But I get what you're going through and it sucks. And I know you said some things about Betty that sucked. But it's ok.”

I nod and let him have it. I don't push him. Not again. I don't need to lose him again. “Ok.”

He perks up a little and reaches into his pocket. “I got something in the mail and I forgot to give it to you this morning!” he says excitedly. “Looks pretty official!”

I grab an envelope from Jug and I quickly rip it open. “Shit,” I say. “it's from the High School!”

I read over it quickly, ignoring the formalities at the top and I can't help but feel my heart racing but Jug tries to look over the top to read it too. “What is it?”

I feel my teeth grit together in the best way possible. “Fuck!” I say loudly. “Ronnie must have written as my referee!” I say.

Jug smirks and he looks away from me. “Oh really?”

I can tell he's bullshitting and he kind of looks proud – like he might have had a hand in this. “You knew that she did, didn't you?”

“Well, yes, that could be a possibility...”

“Why didn't you tell me!” I say, slapping his leg. I fold the letter up and put it in my pocket, wanting to show the world; not wanting to say anything at all at the same time.

Jug raises his shoulders. “Might have been because we weren't talking...”

I laugh and I reach over to hook his neck under my arm. “You're the best, you know that?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I am. But you gotta give some credit to Ronnie as well.”

My mind runs blank for a few moments as I look at Jug's grin. Ronnie did this too. She batted for me. I feel surprised, but I also feel sick that I feel surprised. Because she's always batted for me. She's always had my back and as much as I feel we lost that, it feels the same. Like it _used_ to. Like it _should_ do. My smile falls a little. “Jug,” I say. “Why would she do that?”

“She's not evil, Arch. She wants you to be happy.”

He's running excuses up in his mind, I can tell, he's good at it. Conditioned by his dad. “She could want me to be happy but still not help though, couldn't she?”

He nods. “I guess so.”

“Do you think...” I start, but I quickly back track.

Jug already reads me though. “That she's trying to do you a favour? Yes, yes I do.”

“But why?”

Jug looks away. “She might be hurt, but she still loves you.”

I look at the calendar at the mental _X's_ on it. Seven months. It's been seven months since this all started. “It's her birthday,” I tell Jug. I can tell he already knows.

“Yeah, about that,” he says rubbing behind his neck.

“What?” I say a little too sharply. “What's the deal?”

“Well...”

“Jug!” I groan. “Stop being so fucking mysterious!”

He laughs. “We're supposed to be hitting the clubs.”

I glare at him. The clubs? Since when did he hit the clubs? “Sounds great,” I say. “Have fun.”

“You're invited too.”

* * *

 

I don't know if I was supposed to have bought a present or not. But I did. It was small and sweet and something she likes. She likes practicality so I got her a bottle of her favourite perfume. Jug thinks I'm stupid for it but I'm just desperate to make her happy.

Ronnie's already pumping to the music and it's only eleven at night. We had waited at Misty Blacks until she finished her shift, I gave Ronnie her present and she sprayed it all over herself, saying thank you. But then she sprayed it all over Jug and he's all over me, so now I smell like bad memories and soft smiles.

She's dancing in the lights; she moves so freely I had almost forgotten how easy she dances and moves, rhythmic against the music. I'm enchanted – I know, Jug told me. I am enchanted though I'm desperate to join her. I really want to. But she hasn't invited me up.

I take three sips from a bottle of vodka. I don't know how Jug managed to get an entire bottle to ourselves but as I'm watching what I can't touch, it doesn't even seem like enough. “I hate the clubs,” Jug says loudly

Cheryl laughs out loud and tops up his shot glass with more vodka. “Drink this down!” she orders.

“Are you trying to kill me?” he snaps with vodka against his lips.

“I'm trying to get you drunk, Jughead,” she says rolling her eyes. “So that we can go.”

I look from Cheryl to Jug and I try to figure them out, “What is this?” I ask.

“Exactly what it sounds like, Archiekins! An affair based on burgers and soda,” she turns her attention back to Jughead. “What do you say?”

Jug looks from Cheryl with a serious expression and then over to me. “Not tonight, Cheryl,” he says. “I'm going home with my best boy tonight.”

She groans and takes the bottle from the counter, taking a swig. “That's really depressing, Jack Sparrow, I was down for a burger tonight.”

She prances off on her heels to the dance floor but she leaves and Veronica comes back. “This place is awesome!” she shouts.

“This place is loud,” Jughead corrects.

She looks to me with a grin so big, it feels like an old one just for me. “Why aren't you hitting the dancefloor?” she asks me, tugging at my hand. “You're usually the last one on the dancefloor, Arch!”

Jughead flicks his eyes to me and takes a scull of his vodka. I feel lost for words and I keep opening and closing my mouth, feeling dumb and she laughs at me. “I'll hit the floor soon,” I manage.

She laughs and keeps pulling at my hand. “Come on, we can still have fun.”

I hate that. I don't want to have fun. I want my girl back. I want to dance with her and then go home with her. I want so much more than this. I want to rewind time, get it all back. I sigh feeling her thighs bump my knees as I remain seated. “Hey,” I say as she's about to pull away, I pull her back. “Thanks for being my referee for the internship...” I say kind of too quietly for this noisy club.

But she hears me and her expression turns serious. “You're welcome.”

I rub behind my neck and look up at her, feeling small again. “Why did you do that?” I ask her.

She laughs and shakes her head. “Because you're good, Archie. You're good at music, you're good with people. You're a good person.”

“No I'm not,” I mumble looking down. “But thanks for doing that for me.”

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair before taking a shot. “You're a good person, Arch. And you deserve to start getting somewhere.”

I don't feel like a good person. I feel like a shit person who people keep doing shit for. But I love her for batting for me. “Thanks,” I mumble.

She groans as I drop my chin to my chest but she uses her nails to push my head back up, looking me in the eye. “This is what you wanted, isn't it? It's a good thing, isn't it?” she asks me.

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Not really?” she asks, laughing humourlessly. “You're good with music, you're patient!” she smiles weakly. “You're good with kids, it ticks all of your boxes.”

“What I want is you.”

She sighs loudly and taps her nails on the counter next to me, looking away but standing close again. “We want a lot of things,” she says quietly. “ _You_ want a lot of things. But just know you deserve to have something go right, and I think this will be good for you.”

“I love you,” I tell her, looking at the bottom of my glass.

“I love you too, Arch,” she says, turning away to look at the dancefloor. “I don't think you understand.”

She walks away, dress flicking at the beginning of her thighs, legs getting lost. I don't think she understands how much I love her.

I just still really, really love her.

* * *

 

“Reggie Mantle!” Jughead shouts from across the club and no one can hear him. “I can see him, Reggie Mantle!”

I look across the club and sure enough, there he was. Last time I saw him he had got some Scholarship that no one could compete for. Something special and amazing and his mom hounded my dad about it. I bet he feels fucking awesome knowing I'm back in Riverdale.

I see him meet the floor with Ronnie still on it and Cheryl hanging off his arm, Ronnie's sort of excited because through the flashing lights, I see her grin and throw her arms around his neck. She kisses his cheek and he smiles back. “Oh...” Jug starts. “Look away,” he tells me.

Of course I don't. I keep my eyes on Reggie and Ronnie and she's stepping back from him and pointing at my direction. “Do you think he's gonna come over here, dude?” I ask Jughead.

“Most definitely,” he laughs. “A good Ol' Riverdale reunion.”

“Fuck him,” I grumble.

“No thanks,” Jug replies. “Look, he's coming.”

I take another sip of my drink and plaster on a fake smile. “Reg!” I call. “How you going, man?” I ask.

Reggie chuckles and pulls me up into a hug, he does the same to Jug. “Man, Donnie Darko and the Ginger Ninja! Who would’ve thought!” he laughs.

“I know, still in Riverdale!”

“Nah, nah – without B and V!”

Jug's glass almost smashes on the counter and I can't stop smiling like a freak. Jug sniggers. “That's a weird thing to say,” he snaps.

Reggie puts up his hands in truce. “Shit, sorry, I didn't meant to say it like that...”

I can feel Jug's grip on my shoulder tightening and I shoot him a look to tell him to stop. “How you doing, Reggie?” I say, trying so fucking hard to change the subject. “What you doing back in Riverdale?”

“On a break,” he says. “Studying is getting super tough – you would’ve had the same probs when you were studying, no doubt.”

I gulp more vodka down. “I don't have that issue anymore.”

Reggie nods and he keeps chatting lightly – I don't really listen, I don't think Jug does either. He takes a spare beer bottle from the counter next to us. “Going to hit the floor!” and then he leaves.

Jug and I bitch about Reggie a little. He's put me off dancing, that's for sure and a couple of times Cheryl came up to force Jug to dance which I think was a death sentence. But it turns out it wasn't. He stands on the floor awkwardly for two minutes then comes back to me. “I can see why you're still up here,” he tells me. “Because it's a kind of fucked up hell on a dancefloor.”

I look down at my drink. “I used to like dancing.”

“Until when?”

“Until I don't have Ronnie to dance with.”

Jug rubs my back, it makes me feel like a little kid but I love him for it. I look out to the dancefloor, even if it's just to watch her.

But then I find it kind of hard to breath and my face screws up. I can feel Jug's hand on my back and then I can't because he's shoving off his seat and I know. I just fucking _know_ he's looking at the same thing as me.

I don't know what I see first with Reggie's head so close to Ronnie's, I don't know where each person starts or ends? Or his hands on her fucking legs? My nails dig into my stool, I feel the plastic shot glass shatter in my hand and I feel my heart ripping.

I stand up and I don't realise how weak my legs are until now and my knee. My fucking _knee_ that started all of this is going to give way. “Archie!” Jug calls. I don't want to ignore him, I feel like I don't have a choice because I feel stupid, kid-like tears in my eyes and my heart won't slow the hell down.

I take another look at her and I meet her eyes and even through all the shit, I still muster up a smile. Because I know my heart is breaking and I feel like my eyes have never seen anything that's so fucked up. I smile. Because this is what I signed up for. This is what I made. This is the _bed_ I made. I wipe my face, I storm out of the club, past the bouncer and into the cool air that's not cold enough because I feel numb all over.

I can't be mad.

I _made_ this.

I need to fucking hurt something.

I punch the air as Jughead chases after me, I hear the crunching of rocks beneath his boots. “Don't do it, Archie!” he calls out to me. “Don't do anything stupid,” he warns. “I can't control myself let alone you!”

“I'm ok,” I say calmly.

_His_ hands on _her_ hips, her laugh on his lips. So fucking close. So fucking entitled. I swing my arms again; I kick at the ground... I _can't_ any more.

“That's good...” Jug says, putting his hands on my shoulders.

I just nod. I'm trying to steady my breathing, I'm ok, I have to be...I keep swinging in the air, I kick the dirt, I shrug Jug's hands off my shoulders and I breathe so hard, spit goes flying out of my mouth. “FUCK!” I shout. “FUCK!”

Jug nods and he's huffing too, he's struggling to keep up but his cheeks are bright red from alcohol and running. “Bro.”

“JUG!” I shout. “I don't know what to do!”

He nods, he keeps nodding. He places a hand on my shoulder and takes a deep breath, catching up. “Archie...”

My blood is pumping. Did I hear my heart crack? It sounds stupid, but it feels like it might be true. I can see her hips grinding into his, his tongue tracing her lips and his hands on my fucking girl. “Jug...” I say, trying to hold back tears.

“It's called ' _rebound_ ',” he says, trying to be funny.

“It's called _karma_!” I argue back.

He's lost for words. “I guess you're right.”

I kick at the dirt a little more. “Jug, why would she do that?”

Jug opens and closes his mouth. I know there's so many things he wants to say right now but I know he won't do me like that, not now. Not after we've been fighting for over a week now. “You have to know why she's doing it, Archie.”

“To hurt me?” I snap.

“To hurt you.” He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. “You hurt her so deep, she's only just coming out of it. And now it's your turn.”

“My turn?” I hiss. “My turn has been months of punishment.”

“And it's been punishment for her too, you know?”

I shrug his hands off my shoulders again. I take deep breaths to steady my breathing but it's not working, I can still feel Reggie's hands on Ronnie's skin. “I know!”

“We pay for our wrongs, Archie,” Jug says, pulling out his cigarette and lighting it in front of me. I stand there staring at him and his cigarette. I reach up to his mouth and pull out the stick, placing it between my own lips and taking a drag and Jug watches me with his eyebrows raised. “Better?”

I shake my head and I feel my tongue drying out. My head starts to spin and I cough a little, slapping my own chest. It's distracted me though. I like that. “I want to go home, Jug.”

“What I'm trying to say, Arch, is that I know it sucks. It hurts real fucking bad. But I'm here for you.”

“I'm here for you too.”

“Just you and I,” he says, putting his arm over my shoulder. “Let's go home.”

* * *

 

I've been up all night, and then I realise, it hasn't been all night. It's only been two hours. It's not even breaking dawn at all, it's only two in the morning but I can still taste cigarettes on my tongue and I feel like an ashtray, smoke sticking to my face and lips. Jug wasn't right, it didn't make me feel more relaxed, it just made me feel cheap and nasty and like I have no control.

I hear the knocking on the door again. I bet anything it's Alice Cooper coming to yell at us because Jug parked his car on her side of the turf. I snigger to myself and I'm thinking about telling Jug to go and answer the door but I decide against it because he always goes a little weird when he sees Alice. I kick the blanket off because if dad wakes up, all hell will break loose.

I don't bother with a tank top. I check my legs to make sure I have boxers on, I don't remember putting them on, but at least I have them on. I'm so fucking sober right now but I can't even remember the most crucial of things.

My head throbs. I know why now – I remember that it has a hell of a lot to do with Reggie's hands moving up Ronnie's back, her smiling against his fucking lips, her hands on his chest. My head feels like it's splitting in half. I kind of wish it was some sort of fucked up dream. But I saw it with my own eyes. So did Jug. That's why we're laid up in bed at two in the morning on a Saturday. Because I can't even control myself.

I walk down the hallway to the knocking at the door. I feel sick and shake my head, trying to get rid of Ronnie in my head. Reggie would have tasted her, right? He knows what she tastes like. He would have felt her body, yeah? Know what she feels like under his palms. Felt her sweat on his forehead, her laugh in his fucking body. He would have felt that, right?

The knocking doesn't stop. I can hear dad stirring in his room above me as I get to the bottom of the stairs. I see an outline of someone on the doorstep – I quickly think it's the cops.

I open the door and I rub my temples before opening my eyes.

She's there. Her high heels strewn on the ground. She's dishevelled, that's how Juggie would have described her. She has mascara marks on her cheeks, she's been crying.

_Reggie_.

I shake my head and I just stare with my mouth open, I can't form words. If he did this to her, then I will skin him alive. My grip is shaky on the door. “Ronnie,” I say weakly with my nails scratching at the paint. “What happened?”

She sniffs and she wipes her nose with the back of her hand. I can see she's shaking because the sequins on her dress shake and shimmer in the moonlight. “Archie,” she stutters. “Arch...”

I can't even look at her and I want to kick myself, punch myself, make myself feel so much pain that I can't even feel a single, tiny, little bit of the pain I'm feeling now having seen her moving, touching, fucking _feeling_ with Reggie tonight. I look above her but I can almost hear every single damned tear drop pooling on the steps, I can hear the racing of her heart.

I can hear the begging in her voice.

I look past her but I can still see what she's doing. She's biting that nervous lip, she's rubbing her hands together, she's crying at me. “V...” I say simply.

“Archie...”

“What are you doing here?” I ask, pretending to be tired. As if I was sleeping. As if I would ever be able to sleep again.

She looks at her watch on her wrist and then back at me. She looks past my shoulders but I know she's too short to see anything. I watch her even though I don't want to. I watch her to see if she has any trace of Reggie on her. “What are you doing?” she asks.

“What are you doing _here_?” I ask her a little too sharply but she hears it and it doesn't go unnoticed and she doesn't like the tone in my voice.

“You're mad,” she tells me matter-of-factly but her face remains flat and I feel like she's staring at me to try and get some sort of reaction. I can't give her one. I don't know how to feel.

She sucks up air through her teeth and shakes her head, her long hair flying everywhere. “I shouldn't be here,” she laughs humourlessly, looking up to me. So small in front of me. “I shouldn't be here – I should feel fucking _good_ about this,” she says.

I stare blankly at her, holding myself back, keeping myself from her. Keeping my stupid fucking heart from hurting but I can almost smell Reggie on her and I can see his smug grin forming in my mind and it's so big under the lights of the club. She drops her purse quickly and she's quicker when she slams her fists on my chest, I flinch but I don't move back. I let her and I feel my face faltering, my heart too. It's changing. “Say something!” she demands. “Say something! Tell me about how much you're hurt!” she says, licking her lips. She stands back, her jacket falls off her shoulders.

How can I tell her that as much as it kills me that she was with Reggie, that she kissed him, that her eyes begged him to touch her and I saw that – I saw that with my own eyes and I feel like I want to claw them out, I can't be mad. Because I don't have the right to.

It feels so disgustingly good that she did it, because now I feel just how bad it is when the person you love fucks you over.

She's laughing again, she's shaking her head and her lip is tearing up under her teeth but that smirk she wears, it's killing me. “Tell me how much you hurt, Archie!” she snaps again. “Tell me I hurt you, please,” she cries into her hands, her fists balled and covering her eyes. “Tell me you're hurting – let me hurt you...”

I can't look any more. I can't look her in the eye and I can't stand it anymore. I kick Jug's discarded boots on the steps and I wish he would come down here, I wish he could hear this, I wish he could take me away and I could shut the door and I could just move on. I wish this wasn't happening. I wish I could just float away.

I wish that it wasn't hurting so bad that this was fucking burning down.

I cover my eyes and I rub them, I'm rubbing them raw and dry. How many times do I have to close my eyes to realise the extent of my fuck up? I made a mistake, one that cost me everything. I'm supposed to be better than this, I was supposed to be way more than I'll ever be. I'm supposed to be that kid that doesn't do things stupid – who's not reckless – I'm supposed to be that one who doesn't fuck up; the one people look up to. That's supposed to be _me_. But I'm tiny and small in the presence of the girl that's hurting me.

“Tell me,” she demands. “I need to know that it hurt you just as much as it hurt me.”

“Reggie...” I mumble with my eyes closed. “Reggie.”

She nods and smudges black across her cheeks again, tears still running so fast that I can't keep up. “I wanted to hurt you. Then I realised that I just hurt myself.”

“You hurt me, Ronnie,” I say in a whisper. I feel my voice cracking. I can't even control it. “It feels like shit. It feels like it's burning. It hurts – but I shouldn't feel it. I fucked up.”

“We both did...” she says but I think she's trying to make me feel better about myself. It doesn't work and it makes me feel sick that she's even trying.

This time, I laugh. “Nah,” I say sharply. “I did. I fucked up. I should have never fucked Mia, I love you too much for that – I don't even know what I was looking for, Ronnie,” I say, sniffing up my pride, trying to keep it in me.

Tears are streaming down her face, I watch black smudge against her cheeks with her nose running, her lip tearing up under her teeth. "Sometimes you're so caught up in the moment, you forget all about the important things."

I feel tears edging in my own eyes, I clench my fists, I look up to the sky. "Yeah, like trying to keep you with me. And I'm watching it burn down.”

She whispers; "I know you are."

“Come back to me,” I beg her. “Please.”

She stands in front of me, all messy but I want to love her. “Take me to bed, Archie,” she says, inhaling deeply with her eyes closed. Her chest falls and she sighs in relief. “Just take me to bed, baby.”

I look at her with defeat in my heart, but I take her hand in mine and it's like we're sixteen all over again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show me some love? I'm begging for it the same way Archie begs for Veronica's.


	7. Let's Start Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definite progress. I'm so proud of myself, not so much angst in this one that has to be a record!

_**Chapter Seven** _

We sip a coffee awkwardly in the kitchen. Not alone. Nah, we didn't even get that. Dad and Jughead are both there too and both of them are sipping kind of loudly while looking between each other. "Sorry," I say through my teeth, kind of annoyed. "Are we interrupting something?" I ask them.

"No, you're fine," dad says, sipping his own coffee.

I widen my eyes to tell him to leave but he's too invested in Ronnie to even get the hint.

"How've you been, Ronnie?" dad asks, "Nice to see you by the way. How's your mom?"

Veronica smirks and lifts her left eyebrow, she's seeing straight through him because dad's always a little too interested in Hermione to be cool about it. Ronnie used to always try her hardest to push her mom and my dad away from each other, but I don't know, maybe Jughead's little messages to me about fate got to me and I believe a little more in than she does. Maybe fate bought Hermione back to Riverdale those years ago. Maybe that's why I cling on to Ronnie, I think fate brought us together. I know that the first time I saw her in Pop's I knew there was something that brought her there that night. I just know it. I felt it. I still feel it from time to time. I used to feel it when we'd lay in bed together, just us two in our little apartment, how did the girl from Manhattan end up with the small town kid like me?

"Mom's good," she chimes and it's like she's never changed around my dad. Ronnie and dad always got a long. When he came to visit us when we were interstate, there were two whole days that I had to go to classes and Ronnie and dad travelled around the city, sight seeing just them two. They had so much fun. I think dad enjoyed his time more with Ronnie than with me, at first it pissed me off. And now, I just wish we could go through it all again.

"Good to hear," he says.

"I think you already know how she is," Jughead says giving dad a wink. Dad turns red. Ronnie holds back another smirk.

Jughead clears his throat. "Didn't think you were much of a morning person, Ronnie."

"She's not," I say a little too quickly and she shoots me a glare. "She's a coffee and slow start kind of girl."

"Just like me," Juggie says, raising his coffee cup in the air.

"Just wanted to come and have coffee with my favourite boys."

I know she means all of us. Us three. But maybe, she's really talking about two in particular and that means I'm not included. My heart races, I think I'm just as red as dad. "Cool," I reply.

"Cool," Jug repeats. I know Jug can't believe how weird I'm being, I feel a little uncomfortable in my home because the last time she was here, I held her all night and felt tears on my chest. And it was her birthday, she was supposed to be happy, but instead she came all the way here and she cried. I don't want to feel that. I don't want to remember it. I don't want to make her cry any more but she's sitting here with my family laughing over coffee.

Dad feels the tension, I know because he coughs a little like he always does when he's uncomfortable. Huh, both Andrews feeling weird. "You know Archie starts his internship next week."

It's like I'm a kid all over again. He's kind of boasting about my achievements and it must be nice for him to be able to do it again. Dad's only got me and Jug, and we're both as bad as each other. He used to be able to tell people I got that scholarship interstate, yeah, I was making a name for myself in Football, I had a beautiful girlfriend, she was a Lodge of all families and down to earth, not like her dad. We rented our own apartment and I was doing well in my studies.

And then all of a sudden, I wasn't. I fucked my knee, my studies went down hill.

I slept with another girl in the bed I shared with Veronica Lodge.

Now I share a room with Jughead like we were fifteen.

My shirt feels tight across my chest as dad and Juggie talk about my internship. "I still have to do an interview."

"You'll blitz an interview," Ronnie says. "You've always been a good speaker. You're the epitome of Riverdale. You were a Bulldog; you're all Riverdale Pep!"

"It's the music I'm concerned about," I tell her and all of a sudden I feel like we're the only two in the room, "I have to teach kids music."

"You know how to read music, you're really gifted with music, you'll be ok, Archiekins!"

Jughead looks from me to dad and back to his coffee. "Yeah, Arch, if there's one thing that won't fall victim to an injury, it's music."

"Not true," I groan. "I could fuck up my hand."

"That's the spirit!" he cheers, throwing his fist in the air.

"Jug," I moan at him. "Don't you guys have someone else to drink coffee with?"

"I'm sure Alice is splitting at those baby blue seams to have you two over for coffee," Ronnie laughs.

Dad shakes his head. "I'd rather put salt in my coffee and enjoy it like that."

Ronnie sits there and she's smiling over her coffee cup, looking at me and giving me a wink. Dad clears his throat and Jughead just stands up, shrugging and pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket. "Going out for a ciggie," he says, this time he gives me a wink. "Wanna join, Fred?"

Dad looks confused but he then gets Jughead's hint and he pushes up off the table too, "Ah yeah," he mumbles. "Not really, but sure."

They leave the kitchen and I love them a little bit more than I did before. "Sorry, I should have probably asked to meet you somewhere else," I say, rubbing my hands together. I watch her smile grow and grow, I hope it's for me. Her hair falls in her eyes and it's so much longer than I'm used to, has it really been that long since I've been part of her everyday life where things about her seem new to me? It still smells the same, I can smell her.

I feel a whole lot tense while I'm sitting in the kitchen with her. She's speaking softly and quietly and it doesn't seem all that right because Ronnie was loud and booming and we're just sort of sitting here in a level of silence. "It's ok, Arch," she says with a laugh. "Reminds me of the old days."

I wonder how far back the old days are to her. "I wanted to make sure everything was ok... I haven't seen you since you stayed over."

"You wanted to make sure I haven't seen Reggie again?" she replies flatly. "You keeping tabs on me, Andrews?"

I feel mad. I feel like I want to plead my case. "No," I tell her honestly. "I just... I wanted to make progress."

"I shouldn't have stayed over that night," she says looking into her cup of coffee. "Me staying over was a back track on the word ' _progress_ '."

"Maybe, but you did stay."

"And I wanted to, and I'm on a rewind on progress made."

It takes every single ounce of my strength to not leap up in the air and cheer, to move the table and take her in my arms and cover her in kisses and sorries. She was sick of the sorries. But the kisses, she let me kiss her when she stayed here after her birthday. That was all I ever wanted to hear, that she wanted to. That she wanted to stay here with me. "I wanted you to as well."

She laughs humourlessly and moves her hair out of her eyes. "I don't know if I'm stupid. I guess I must have a level of stupidness," she muses. "To be here having coffee with you."

"You're not stupid -"

"Yeah I am," she almost snaps. "I have to be."

"What makes you think that?" I ask, putting my hand on hers. She doesn't move, doesn't flinch away but I wonder if maybe she wants to because she's staring at my hand.

"Because I stayed the night, I came back here today. And I miss you. So much. So much that I'm actually registering what you're saying these days. And I read your texts and it almost feels..."

"Like what?" I ask. Feels like before? Feels like love again? Feels like we should try things again?

She smiles sweetly at me and rubs the top of my hand, her soft thumbs on me. I close my eyes and almost fall into her. "Like this is how it's supposed to be."

"It's supposed to be like this," I mumble, looking down at my coffee. "Ronnie and Archie, remember?"

"We were barely separate people," she tells me with a gentle smile. "It's like Ronnie-and-Archie, one person."

She's right, that's exactly what it was like. We were a package. We used to lie up on the small double bed of our apartment, laughing on dirty blankets and speak to Jughead on speaker phone, then we'd call Betty and lie and say we hadn't heard from Jughead and laugh out loud to her. We'd lived off a strict diet of carbs and protein, not for health perks, mostly because we could only afford the cheap stuff and we had to keep things simple. That's the way it was back then; simple.

She moves her hand out of mine and rubs her face with it, frowning into her palms. "Ronnie," I start slowly. "Can you just tell me if I'm scratching at words for nothing, or am I reading all this right?"

She takes back her coffee, she moves the chair back and stands up. "Tell me what you're reading."

"That I might have a chance," I mutter, looking up at her. "That I might be doing something right."

She turns around, facing the exit of the kitchen, her shoulders slump, her head drops down. "Not everything has to be right, Archie. You need to learn that. Not everything is the right thing, not everything has to be good."

She walks away, I hear the door click shut. And I don't understand riddles any more than I did before.

* * *

It was sort of sad turning up home to it empty. Dad was with FP reminiscing on the good old days at the trailer and Jug had promised the new girl he works with, Crystal, that he'd show her around Riverdale as if there were places to see and interesting stops. I guess he'd take her to Misty Blacks to see where the cheapest drinks in town were and to stir Cheryl. He'd told me he'd come and pick me up from my interview to go and have a celebratory drink if everything went well or to drink away my embarrassment. I said nah, I wasn't keen on listening to Cheryl tonight and I'd done too much drinking down my embarrassment, I was more embarrassed of the fact that I relied so much on Misty Blacks at the moment, just to catch a moment with Ronnie.

I sent Jug a text to tell him to have a celebratory drink for me. I was so happy to have smashed the interview that I literally skipped my way through the halls of Riverdale High. That was until I saw the old photo of Homecoming King and Queen. The same photo that reminded me of the night that Jughead, Betty, Ronnie and I promised nothing would break us. We'd be there for each other forever. We were unshakable that night - invincible. The night we told Jug and Betty that we were moving together. The night I told Veronica I'd loved her since the first time I laid eyes on her.

And then two things happened that night.

Jug got in trouble on the Southside and it was the beginning of the end of Jughead and Betty.

I proposed to Veronica. But we were too young and we promised to do it when we were older and wiser. I feel older, I don't feel wiser at all.

I had stared at that photo in the hallway of Riverdale High until Weatherbee told me he was closing up the school for the night. It had an air of creepiness about it because it seemed like so long ago, but it wasn't even two years gone. I hadn't seemed as happy in a long time, but that photo made me look like the happiest kid in Riverdale. I think I was. I _know_ I was.

I lie on the sofa and crack open a can of soda. I stare at the blank wall. I'm glad that the interview went well and I get to start first thing on Monday but everything is flat. When I got the scholarship, Ronnie didn't stop kissing me for a solid hour. She'd grab my face and she'd squeeze my cheeks, she'd kiss my hands, my face, my lips. It was pride, she was proud of me. But pride is one of the seven sins according to Jughead and Juggie's always right about everything, so maybe that explains a lot. Ronnie was so excited about my scholarship, I used to think she was just happy for a reason to leave Riverdale but really she was just happy for me to be doing something I worked hard towards and only now do I realise that. You realise a lot when you're sitting in your loungeroom staring a photo of your ten year old self and your best friends linked under your arms.

I know Jug's probably threatening to expose Cheryl in one way or another, probably scaring the new chick Crystal that he works with but I don't really want to be part of that, so I decide against going to Misty Blacks to join him. I wonder if I should text Ronnie and tell her about my interview, she was one of my referees after all, but maybe she's busy. Or maybe she's working and Jughead's introducing the new girl in town to her too. Maybe they've gone as far as to tell the new girl about me. And maybe all of my fuck ups.

I tap my phone. I have no new messages, no missed calls and I feel bored. I decide to ring Betty.

I click her name on my phone and press the dial button. I wonder if I should maybe just hang up because I've been a shit friend lately and I haven't called her in a long time but it's kind of just me being selfish and scared because I know she'll be shitty with me for everything I've done. And knowing V and B, there would be no detail missed out.

None at all.

The phone doesn't even ring twice as I hold my phone up to my ear when I hear her;  
"Archie!" she squeals. "How long does it take you to call me, huh?"

I laugh and it feels like the most real laugh I've had in days. "Hey Betts. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch."

"It's ok."

I hear her exhale loudly on the other end I can just imagine her with her hands on her hips. "Are you busy? Can we talk?"

"No and no," she says. I smile to myself, it's like we're fifteen all over again.

"Please?" I ask, leaning my head back on the cushion. "I miss you, B."

"Archie..."

"Is it your loyalty to Veronica?" I ask her.

"Don't put that on me, I'm loyal to both of you."

I close my eyes and wish that my other best friend was right next door like she was supposed to be. "We haven't spoken in ages."

"My mom says I should never speak to you again."

"Uggh," I groan. "Betty!"

She chuckles on the other end. "Yeah, I've missed you too, Archie."

I want to avoid everything. Betty on the other end makes me feel like I can ignore the past two years and just carry on with how things used to be, but I know that's not true and I know that the only reason why Betty isn't pressing for anything is because of her love for me. "You can't come back even for one day?" I ask. "I could do with some good old fashioned advice."

Betty pauses on the other end. "I wish I could, Archie," she mutters. "But it's kind of hard."

I know what she means. It's too hard with Jug being around. It's too hard with her mom and dad. It's too hard to leave the little life she's made for herself in California. "L.A can't be that good, can it?"

"No place like home, Archie, you know that."

I laugh. "Yeah I do."

Betty remains quiet again. "Why did you call?" she asks me.

"Do I need a reason to call my best friend?"

She scoffs. "Yeah you do," she answers. "We're more complicated than that."

"Between Jughead and you?"

"Between Jughead still living with your dad and between you and Veronica."

I feel my eyes prickle. It's stupid and I'm still lying on the sofa with my tie and shoes on but my eyes are tearing up. "Jughead misses you," I tell her honestly. "He really misses you and he's a mess but he's not as bad as he used to be."

"I had to move on, Archie," she says quickly. "Like you should too."

"Jug -"

"Don't," Betty replies quickly. "Moving on, remember? Like you should..."

I start to feel like calling Betty was a mistake. No one wants to voice all of their fuck ups over the phone, do they? "I'm trying."

"You really messed up, Archie. It's got to be the worst thing you've done."

"I know!" I snap a little too sharply. "I know," I say more calmly, trying not to let my madness get through the phone. "It was bad, Betts."

"What happened?"

"Don't," I say this time. "I know you know."

"She didn't exactly tell me what happened," Betty says. "Just what the outcome was."

I roll my eyes to myself. "B and V didn't let loose on the man-haters club, I find that hard to believe."

"Have I ever lied to you, Archie?"

She had a point. "I cheated on Veronica and she found me. In the bed. With another girl." It feels like an eternity of silence over the phone. And saying it out loud just made it feel sickly disgusting. "Come on, Betts, tell me something. You're the one I turn to when shits like this."

"I ah -" she stops. "I can honestly say I don't know what to say."

"You can't tell me you didn't know."

"I didn't realise you'd had _sex_ with someone else."

Now I'm the one in silence. Knowing that Ronnie hadn't told Betty the full story makes me regret telling Betty and question why Veronica wouldn't tell Betty in the first place. They're best friends, they tell each other everything. "You gotta tell me what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm trying to get Ronnie back and nothing is working."

I hear Betty's snigger through the phone. "What can you do?" she asks. "Keep fighting, that's the only thing I can think of."

I squeeze my eyes shut. "Yeah," I say weakly. "I'm trying."

She sighs. "What happened to you, Archie?" she asks.

"What happened to us?" I reply. " _To all of us_."

"We grew up."

"We made mistakes."

"Some of us."

I rub my temples. "Maybe we should have got married," I laugh. "You and I. It would have been easier, do you think?"

Betty laughs lightly on the other end. "Maybe," she says. "But how could we have been together knowing that our soul mates were out there."

"You still think Juggie's your soul mate?" I ask Betty. "You think that?"

"I meant Veronica and you."

I know that's not what she means at all. "Do you screw over your soul mate?" I breathe. "I did. Doesn't seem like the right thing to do."

"You're always worried about what's right and wrong."

"You're not trying to kill me over the phone?"

"Is killing you over the phone going to change anything?"

"No."

"You and V..." Betty starts. "What you did is unforgivable, but it's going to cost you if you don't try to right things."

I inhale deeply. "I feel like my whole life is trying to right the wrongs."

"At least you try," Betty says. "At least you're trying to make things right, you don't just sit with the hand you're dealt."

I feel like we're not talking about the same thing any more. I know her mind's drifted to Jughead. And mine never left Veronica.

"Why do you think Ronnie didn't tell you what I did?"

"Maybe she didn't want me to know. Maybe she didn't want to tell me about the bad stuff. Maybe she just wanted to hold on to the good in you."

* * *

I remember dreaming about when we were back in our apartment. I could hear her whispering my name. Over and over. And then it started feeling more real.

"Archie?" she whispers. "Wake up, Archie, I know Jug isn't here."

I open my eyes and it wasn't a dream at all. "How did you get in?" I ask, leaning back on my elbow and rubbing my eyes with my free hand. Veronica's smile is so bright, I can even see it through the dark of the room and she's standing in front of me.

Her knees sink onto my bed and I feel the mattress shift. "I remember where you guys hide the spare key," she explains, lying down next to me. "And I knew Juggie wasn't here."

"What are you -" I go to ask but she puts her finger against my lips.

"How was your day?" she whispers.

I look at her, deep in her eyes. I can make her out face even here in the dark. The swell of her lips, but they're rubbed bare, no deep red on them. She has her hands so lightly on my chest, it's just like it used to be. Like it's just the two of us again.

I just lie there looking at her, I put my hands on her hips, she's wearing her favourite trackpants, the ones that I used to squeeze into. It makes my lips smile, my eyes squint. I breathe her in because she's right here with me, I smell the chapstick on her lips that aren't frowning. That look like they might be comfortable for the first time in a long time.

I brush back hair behind her ears. "Tell me this isn't a dream," I whisper.

"Archie," she laughs lightly. "Don't be like that."

"Like I'm dreaming?"

"Like I'm otherworldly."

I shake my head as we lay in my bed. "How can I?" I ask her. "When that's how I feel about you."

Veronica bites her lip and I reach up slowly, smoothing my hand up her side, across her neck to pull her lip out from her own grip. "I shouldn't be here," she murmurs against my neck. "But I am because I miss you."

"I miss you too," I tell her. "I really do."

She shakes her head and clings on to my shoulders. "I miss us."

"I miss shakes at Pop's. I miss Betty being my neighbour. I miss fun Jughead. I miss you loving me..." I tell her, tracing her collarbone, rubbing her shoulders.

She inhales deeply and I feel her release in my arms. If we were sixteen again, this would have been normal. Another late night after school that dad used to pretend he didn't know about. But this isn't sixteen again. This is like my heart is cracking again. Jug always tells me my heart's too big but I don't know if he ever knew that maybe, I just didn't have one. Now I know I do, though. I feel it beating hard and heavy against Ronnie. It's only ever working though when she's around and now it's running over time. Having her close is keeping me happy, but having her close does make me panic that she might just go again. "I miss shakes at Pop's and loving you too."

I close my eyes and try and keep her stuck in my arms. She doesn't move, she's relaxing and it's like she's not going anywhere. Not tonight. I'll keep her locked in my arms if I can keep the old Ronnie for one night, here with me. "What are you doing here?" I ask her.

She's silent but I'll run with it. If I can keep her locked in my arms, then it'll be worth it even if she's not talking. My single bed doesn't fit much of me on it, my legs hang over the edge but it's almost like it's made for the two of us. If this didn't feel like my heart was still aching a little bit, I would have been almost convinced I had turned back time. "I just want to feel like we used to, Arch. And I know people make mistakes..."

"Ronnie," I say in a sigh. "I'm sorry..." I say. I've said it so many times it almost feels like a fake word now.

She laughs a little, I feel it in her chuckle shaking me. "How was your interview?" she asks.

"Ronnie..." I reply, trying to find words.

"It's ok," she breathes, "We're making progress, right? So let's start with the basics."

She was trying to ignore the problem looming above us, but she was trying to move on. If time wasn't rewinding, then I'll run with it moving forward. It feels even thinking about talking about normal stuff is weird but it's what she wants. Her eyes are screwed shut and I know she just wants to move on, she's almost praying for it. "It was good, my interview went well."

"Of course it did."

"How was your day?"

"Good, Cheryl smashed a bottle of vodka, she smells like a sweet drunk, it's hilarious."

"Weird," I reply.

"Well that's essentially what she is so it doesn't make a difference..."

"Weird?"

"A sweet drunk."

I smile to myself. "You made a mean joke."

"I did."

"That's funny," I laugh, it runs through me. "You made a joke in front of me."

"I used to always," she says against my chest.

"You're starting to again."

"I'm starting again," she murmurs, I feel her lips on my neck. "And it feels good."

I could list a whole lot of things that feel good, but having her in my arms? There was nothing to compare it to other than heaven, I'd say. "Let's start again?" I whisper.

She nods, I feel eyelashes on my skin, "Let's try to start again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, this is Vanilla Lips compliant. And also, comments and kudos are my cash payment so pay me? I'm kidding, I'd never force payments from you guys. But I'd love you for it?


	8. One Step at a Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SMUT! Also, progress, which is a warning because you all know I only do angst so I must be sick to even give this much happiness in a chapter.

 

_**Chapter Eight** _

* * *

 

I feel suddenly self conscious.

Inviting Ronnie back to my house wasn't part of my game plan but it just worked out in the best sort of way. I kick an empty beer can under the bed and my face turns red. "I ah -" I start, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's not always this untidy, I'll say, but you know that's a lie."

She laughs and sits herself down on the edge of my bed, chucking a pair of Jug's underwear on the floor before grimacing with disgust. "He's still infantile, I see." I let her laugh at Jug's expense - I let her laugh at anything she wants to laugh at as long as she's in my zone.

"What do you want to do?" I ask her as I sit down next to her, I can smell her and damn; she smells like home and familiar.

She sits up and turns on the spot to look at me. "I want to do all sorts of things..."

I don't know if I've become too far invested in trying to figure Veronica out but if I can't figure her out, then who _can_ I figure out? If I can't read her then who _can_ I read? We've been in this situation a few times now but mostly it's just quick fucks against the wall that I walk away from feeling kind of cheap about but right now, she was in my zone and her eyes are shimmering in a way that's angelic in the dim light of my kid-like room... 

"You're not playing with my feelings, now are you?" I ask. I begin to believe I've always been pathetic with my choice of words because she flinches, almost, with my choice. 

She swallows loudly though and I wonder if she's just clinging onto anything I can offer her that's her _own_ familiar; a taste of what I used to be and I was good and kind and I wasn't a fuck up. But I swallow loudly too as she ignores anything I say which is not much - not when we're so close, I can smell her. 

Veronica doesn't even waste time though, 'cause that's not the way she is. She's always on the ball and everything is just _so_ and that's just the way it is with her and I. She was schedules and I was go-with-the-flow and that's why her and I flowed so well. Well, that's what I told myself anyways. She leans closer to me, I can already taste the strawberry in her chapstick because it's her favourite. She runs her hands up my sides, forcing my tee above my head and I close my eyes in this moment when her nails drag up me. I shiver like I'm some sort of nervous kid, but yeah, I guess I am. She chucks my tee where she chucked Jug's underwear and she clumsily kisses me, pushing me back. 

We're kind of out of breath, I know I am but I know she is too with the way she's breathing noisily through her nose. I can feel her smirk on my lips as I slip my hand around the back of her, grabbing her ass to give it a squeeze. "Don't you want to do something else?" I ask. Not because I want to stop, I never, ever want to stop but I don't want her to be mad at me. I'd rather sit in here in silence for hours than risk her leaving me here without her. 

She bites my lip and that's her reply. I groan deeply into her open mouth and her hips grinding on mine. I feel lost but I feel so fucking found right now. "Nope," she says, pushing me further into the bed. 

"If you say," I reply and I push her down harder onto my hips, cock straining against my jeans but she laughs as I moan in frustration because she's not letting me loose, she's not letting me out and she _knows_ , she _just_ _knows_ how bad I want out right now with the way my fingers start digging into her hips. She lets up and she balances herself with her hands on my shoulders and Ronnie has always looked like an Angel but right now she's a _Goddess_ on top of me, glittering in weak light, shining just for me. 

"Ronnie..." I hum as she keeps moving on me. 

"Lost for words?" she teases. 

"Always."

She laughs at me and it becomes muffled as she leans down to me and kisses me again, first with a bite, then with softness that she used to show me. She rips the dress off that she's wearing and shakes her hair out and finally I give into frustration and start bucking against her, making her laugh more and finally she gets off and undoes my buckle, pulling my jeans and underwear off in one move. 

I take this chance to push her back into the bed. Her hair fans out on the pillow that Jug uses and I feel like we're fifteen all over again. Nervous and shaking but laughing; I haven't heard the laughing in so long but she's giggling on the sheets. Her eyes seem bright when she smiles at me and keeps her lower lip between her teeth. I briefly think about how many times Ronnie and I had been up in this bed together when we were young. How many times we laughed together and held each other. At least I can say I've done no wrong in this bed and in this room. She kicks her foot out which I catch quickly, I bring her ankle to my lips, I kiss inside and out and she closes her eyes still with the smile on. The smile for _me_. I pull down her panties, she arches her back for better access and I keep biting at her calves, nipping at her thighs. I get rougher and I bite down on the inside of her thighs. And then I find her with my tongue. 

She gasps for air, she holds my head by my hair and she pulls as I thrust inside her with my tongue. I suck, lick, bite and keep her moaning because the more she whispers my name, the more I feel I'm part of her and that's all I've ever wanted. I feel like in this moment I'm doing something right even if it feels like shit because all I'm doing is _doing_ her right. I feel her unravel a little more as she clenches her thighs together with my head still between them. 

My hand slides up her stomach and I find her breast, tweaking and pinching at the same time as she completely lets go on my mouth, letting my name spill out more; "Fuck, Archie," she murmurs. 

She barely catches any air as she gets up on her knees, pulling me down with her nails in my skin and this time, I'm on my back, cock so hard it's twitching and I feel exposed all over again. Because I'm undressed and I'm here with _her_. At first she's staring at me and then her eyes flick to my eyes beneath mascara rimmed eyes. She licks her lips. My cock bounces a little with the air she breathes on it. "Looks painful," she says. "Hasn't looked this interested in a long time."

I turn red. "You trying to make me feel like shit or what?" I ask, throwing my head back on the pillow. "Thanks for the laugh though, I'll take it." And I'm being dead serious. Because a Ronnie that jokes is the Ronnie I want back. 

She sniggers before she puts her hand on my cock and her fingers tremble slightly as my eyes roll back. I can't remember the last time she touched me like this; intimately. _Wanting_. I want to watch her and be aware but I want to let myself feel and let my head roll back too. We used to do stuff like this all the time but now it feels like it's the first time all over. She breathes on me; "Is this ok?" she asks. 

She knows it is, she knows what I like but it's the first time all over, isn't it? "Yeah," I force out. 

I watch her thumb slip over the head and I feel liquid smooth over too. I reach down and smooth my hands over hers, guiding her but just wanting to _feel_ with her. But she bites my hand and I let go, watching her scowl at me which makes me smile. But all of a sudden my jaw feels tense and my fists ball up in the sheets as _she_ smiles at _me;_ winning. 

She lets me up and then all of a sudden we're both on our knees on the double bed with our hands everywhere, mine on her ass, gripping it tighter and slapping my hands to it, she's biting down on my shoulder, pulling at my shoulder blades; her tongue everywhere, it's disastrous and untrained but it's so comforting. She screams a little as I bite down on her nipple but her shoulders relax and her head falls back and I _know_ , I just _know_ exactly what she likes. 

Her mouth is hot and wet on my skin, I feel my cock sliding in _between_ her but never _in_ her but I feel like for once, this isn't desperation. It's just fun and natural and nothing at all about hate or proving a point. She's proven her point to me at least three times on the kitchen floor of her mom's house and every time I leave I feel like I know myself less and less but right now, all I see is Ronnie and the one I know so well. 

Her core is soaking as I keep slipping while I kiss her. I feel like I'm on the edge of turning her onto her stomach and slipping inside from behind but I keep kissing her, tasting strawberry and feeling her nails dance everywhere they like. "Ronnie," I breathe, tasting the thin skin of her throat.

"I want to. _Now_ ," she demands. 

This time I do slip into her with her on her back and me on top. I already feel like my throat is stuck and my chest is tight but I feel her again, she's smiling to the ceiling and I gulp loudly when I thrust. Slowly first. Rough and hard the second time. And then I pause. "Uh..." I start. 

"What?" she asks, raising a filled in eyebrow as I stare down at her. "What's wrong?"

"Got a condom?" I ask her. Looking around the room. 

"Me? Have a condom here?"

I sigh and rub my face. "You carry them, don't you?"

"For what? For all the times I fuck people when I'm out?"

I ignore her. "Jug must have some..." I say, reaching for the bedside table but the drawer is empty.

"For all the people _he_ fucks when _he's_ out?" she says with a huff. "Just keep going, we'll pull out."

I don't need to be asked twice and I slip into her just as easily as before, finding my rhythm, keeping up, feeling her hands on my ass as she tries to keep me closer to her. I bend her knees in the air as I position myself, finding the angle. The best one. The one that makes her whisper nasty words and my name all in one go. 

I lean into her with her knees spread and I take in her breath, I feel like I'm the God this time and I don't remember it being so streamline with her before, has it always been so perfect? Have we always moved like this? Yeah we have. I wrap her legs around my waist as I slide out, slowly and painfully before stealing another kiss but she slams her hips up to mine because she's frustrated and I keep a snigger to myself feeling her dig ankles into my ass. 

I move my hand in between us, down between her breasts, smoothing over her stomach and she whimpers when I reach her clit, but she grabs my hand, forcing it down on her, rubbing at her clit and my heart beats so loudly I can actually hear it in my ears. When she kisses me this time, it's lagging and lazy and it makes my thrusts jerk faster and harder. 

We all of a sudden start losing our pace, she's rough with my hand and my jaw is pulsing unevenly like my hard thrusts. I can feel the burn of her nails in my shoulder blades and the grip she has on my wrist is so tight I can't feel my hand anymore. Her hips are thrusting  unceremoniously hard against my just as hard ones, the sound of my wet skin on her wet skin is high pitched and soaking-slaps. The head board is loud against the wall. I wonder if Alice can hear it busting down. 

Veronica sucks on my tongue as my muscles clench and hers do around me. I feel like I'm melting and burning down at the same time but Ronnie clings onto my wrist with one hand and the sheets with the other as she comes and I think I feel stars coming out of my finger tip as I spill into her, pausing my jerks, letting my muscles feel it. 

This time she doesn't move straight away and this time she doesn't look at me with tear filled eyes. This time she lays under me and I feel her lips on my jaw. She's kissing me with a tenderness I haven't seen in months. 

Every time, I feel desperate and I feel a little needy and annoying but I speak as I wipe sweat from my forhead and I place my head on her bare chest. I hear her heart and I wonder if it's singing for her because this time it's like my heart is actually singing for the first time in a long time. "Are we a thing?" I ask her. 

Veronica places loving lips on my forehead. "Take me out on a date first," she laughs. "Then we'll see."

 

* * *

 

I lie on the bed as Usher blares on the radio. I'm rolled on my side and watching Jughead exhale his smoke out the window, right now we were like kids and dad was out of town for work. Jug chucks the cigarette butt out the window and smoke separates as he walks through the room before he slams himself down by my feet. I can kind of feel his judgement, I know he's wondering why I'm dressed up. Why I combed my hair. Why I shaved. "You smell good?" he says in a way where he's kind of wondering why I smell good.

"Gee, thanks," I say, sitting up on the bed to look at him. I get shy, I wonder how I could deter this conversation and I wonder if I even really want to. It's good to be honest to your best friend, right? Better to be straight forward. "I'm not gonna be here tonight, dude," I tell him.

Jughead raises an eyebrow and then pats the bed. "Looks like I get the bed tonight then, huh?"

"Hit the porn stash," I smirk and kick out my leg to kick him. "Bro, I'll get us out of here one day," I tell my best friend, reaching over to grab his shoulder and give him a shake. "Then we'll have a room to ourselves, separate beds. Space."

"Space..." Jughead floats away in a fantasy of having our own spaces and he's distracted by it for only a moment until he comes back to me. I know my best friend though and he's not really as easily distracted as he seems in the moment. "Yeah, so what's owed me the pleasure of your absence tonight? Can we spell out _raven haired princess_? Or _bad bitch of Manhattan_..."

I punch him in the shoulder. "Don't call her a bad bitch."

"She refers to herself as a bad bitch," he laughs. "You know it."

Part of me wants to go to sleep. The internship was hard out and draining but I loved learning new things, a part of me liked walking the hallways of Riverdale all over again, learning all over again. I enjoy the familiarity especially when everything I used to find familiar has been crumbling down around me like I don't know it at all. It's Friday and I've had a whole week there. The music program had changed for the better, even in the two years I've been gone. Riverdale's music has made some change in the time that Josie and the Pussycats rose up the ranks and I remind myself that next time I see Josie, I'll let her know. "You're right," I reply, mind buzzing with Veronica in it.

"How was your first week of school?" Jug asks.

"Good," I say shrugging, rubbing my face. "Next week will be better, it's hard trying to get back into the swing of school."

"Yeah? That swing the reason why you smell good?" he asks giving me a wink.

I think I turn red. I'm kind of easily embarrased and he was getting at me just because of the new spray I'm wearing. "No..."

"Well?"

"Date," I say with a mumble, trying to turn away from Jug but he's reading me. Jug can read anyone and I'm definitely on the top of the list. I clear my throat but I already see him jumping out his skin for information. "Don't be a dick," I mumble again.

"Yeah?" he asks. "Five star kind of date? Or shakes from Pop's on the tray of your pick up?"

I roll my eyes and rub my eyes. "I'd take anything if only to have a few moments with her..." I mutter. I hated being so open, Jug likes to get a little deep and he starts to analyse things but once he starts analysing, it gets too intense. I remember when I first came home and I ran through what had happened between Veronica and I, he wanted step by step what had happened. What I felt. And then at one point, I told him exactly how I felt. I felt nothing. I couldn't feel anymore. The worst thing was that he understood that, but like I've said my whole life, Jughead Jones knows me. And he knows I feel too much. And when I felt nothing at all, I had never seen Jughead so unsure of me as he was that day.

The two people who knew me best didn't know me at all.

"So I was right? A psychic of sorts?" Jug teases.

"Who else would I be going on a date with, Jug?" I groan. He keeps his lips pursed. He doesn't speak.I feel my face blushing again. "If things go well tonight, who knows what might happen..."

"Rewind time?" he suggests, shrugging. "Fight for that old love back? I think about it all the time..."

I shake my head at Jug and grab his beanie, rubbing it on his hair. "Don't be like that, Jug."

This time he blushes red and his eyes dart to my window, looking out to Betts' empty room. "Maybe I should go on a date too..."

I lightly punch his shoulder and raise my eyebrows, this was my moment. "Nah, nah, nah," I laugh. "You're not being the third wheel, dude, this is my night. It's my fix up, my first night out with Ronnie."

"I'm not going to gate crash!" he says, rolling his eyes. His jaw drops a little. "Who do you think I am? Besides, I don't need to be present when you try and sneak your hand up Ronnie's dress, I've been victim of that too many times!"

"It was twice..."

"It was disgusting," he corrects.

I bite my lip from laughing. But when Juggie came to stay with us for a whole week when he left Betty and decided the best place to sleep in our apartment was between us, it took it's toll. "Don't tell me you're going on a date with Cheryl, are you?"

"Why do you keep saying ' _date'_?" he asks, running his nervous fingers through his hair. "Date's such a strong word. What happened to just saying dinner?"

"If you use _dinner_ as your word for _date_ , then you've been on plenty with Cheryl..."

Jug's mouth drops again, oblivious to the fact that I've been the one keeping an eye on things, that was usually his job, but I can be attentive too. I'm more so now. Now that Ronnie's edging back into my life. "I'm not nearly spending as much time with Cheryl as you think I am..."

I cock an eyebrow. "Then who's the lucky one with a date."

"I could date whoever I like."

"Then why don't you?" I say, trying to encourage Jug.

He sighs. "No one I like."

"There's one you _do_ like but you won't call her," I say quietly, looking away.

I hear him mumble something I can't make out. "I could take the new girl out," he whispers.

"What was that?" I ask, trying to pretend like I didn't hear him. He knows I did, he just won't say anything.

"Crystal," he replies with more guts. "The new girl at the station, she wants to get to know Riverdale..."

I don't know why I'm kind of lost for words, and I know I shouldn't be. I've been pushing Jug to move on and especially since I've been out, I've been trying to get him out of his shell because I didn't want us two to be stuck together for the rest of our lives. But to even hear him talking about someone who wasn't Betty was weird to me. Cheryl was always around but I know, deep down, they're just offering each other a form of company that only them two could give. But Crystal? She wasn't even from here so how did she get the attention of Juggie?

And why was Betts suddenly becoming a small fragment of his mind? That was something he'd say, right? Betts was Betts and she was so much a part of us but now she's just someone we talk about.

"Hmmm," I reply, this time darting my own eyes to Betts' window. 

"So..." he starts, I can tell that he's feeling a little awkward. "What's happened to deserve a date with one Ronnie Lodge, huh? Done your grovelling, now onto the second phase?"

"You're being a prick," I tell Jug. "But no..." I say slowly, "Things have just been working out a bit better."

"You've made progress? And may I ask how you can automatically assume you've got your get-out-of-jail-free-card?"

I look down to my shoes, scuffing them on the carpet. "I didn't get out free, Jug," I say sighing, "It's been a pretty long and winding road."

"That's a Beatles song," he laughs. 

"No it's not," I tease, "It's an Archie Andrews quote."

"So the grovelling went well then?" he asks, pulling me in for a hug and resting his head on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you!"

I feel light and like I have something to smile about, Ronnie agreeing on a date was something I wouldn't be able to figure out any time soon but I'm gonna take it. "She let me love her, Jug..."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Yeah, she loves you...?"

I chuckle and look at him sideways. "Nah, I mean, she let me love her..."

He pretends to gag. "She let you get it in, you mean?" he rolls his eyes. I give him a wink. "Why the hell are you telling me this?"

"Brother to brother," I tell him. "But seriously, this isn't like the last times, it was different but the same..."

"I don't want to hear about how you think your sex life is different but the same, Arch, have some class!" I drift off thinking about Ronnie.

He clicks his fingers in front of me and I snap out. "I better get going," I tell him. "You make the most of tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah," he laughs, laying back on the pillows. "Give Ronnie a kiss from me."

I hope to give her a million, even if I have to pretend they're from Juggie.

* * *

I don't mean to stare. I don't really have a reason to, do I? I think it's more the fact that she's specifically here to see me. She agreed on coming. Before, it was like we would just get up from laying in bed all day and just decide to go out to eat. We'd walk all the way to the restaurant holding hands and Ronnie would get pissed at me because I couldn't decide what to eat and no matter what I got, I'd end up eating hers and she'd pick at whatever I had. Then we'd walk all the way home and she'd talk my ears off, usually because of the level of service provided at the restaurant. It usually wasn't good enough and I'd growl at her to be more appreciative and the next time we'd go, she'd give a huge tip. We didn't have the money but I loved seeing the little changes in her.

She was here and she's smiling at me. I don't know how I'd forgotten how beautiful she is but she most definitely is just as beautiful as she was before. I feel like I'm staring and I don't know where to look and the look she gives me _back_ is like I'm kind of crazy. I am though. I don't want to take my eyes off her. She's wearing a Ruff Ryders Tee that I got years ago at a concert and her favourite pair of jeans. "What's caught your eye, Archie?" she asks me, raising a manicured eyebrow.

I lick my lips, I gesture for her to sit down and I smell her more clearly than I can see her. "I just love you."

It slips out before I can suck it back in but I can see a smile toying at the corner of her lips, the same one she would have when I'd done something nice for her like cooking her dinner or buying her flowers. It was small and private but more importantly, it was for me. "Don't say that," she says but her smile doesn't fall off and it makes me smile even more.

"You're ok with Pop's?" I ask her, shooting up and taking her jacket off her shoulders. She seems a little shocked but if this was a date, I gotta do things right. Jughead would laugh at me because I'm rushing around and nervous and he always picked on me because of my nerves. _'You gotta be cool like the winter, calm like the rolling waves,'_ he'd tell me. He's like some higher being in my books. He's my advisor, my mentor and that comes along with the weird sayings he has but right now, I feel like I need his calming energy.

She eyes me side ways before slipping into the booth and looking around but I slide her chocolate shake towards her and the basket of onion rings, ketchup to the side which she also eyes and jerks her head back a little. "Wow," she says a little taken aback.

"Your favourite," I tell her, my t-shirt feeling a little tight around my neck. Fuck, it was too much. She could have ordered herself or maybe she doesn't like the onion rings anymore but they used to be her favourite back when we used to live in Riverdale. "Too much?" I ask.

She shakes her head and takes a sip of the shake. "No..." she says and I'm not convinced. "It's just, I don't know, you're trying really hard."

"No one like a try hard," I mumble.

She sniggers and widens her eyes. "Pretty sure people prefer a try hard over a heart breaker."

Great, so not only am I a try hard but I'm a heart breaker as well.

I swallow down a lump in my throat. "Thanks for coming," I tell her and I almost reach out for her hands in front of me, craddling her shake. I flex my fingers before bringing them back into my palms but I know she notices because she's watching my fingers with hers drumming on her glass.

"I told you I wanted a date first," she says with a shrug. "That's why I'm here, I stick to my promises. And you know how much I love a good date with Archie Andrews."

"I miss you."

She sips loudly and smiles again at me. The smile's warming me up and I try not to blush from it. It feels so normal at the moment, just another moment in time for Archie and Ronnie. Like we're sixteen again, like she's kissed me on the cheek when she thinks I'm asleep and I've told her for all these years that I didn't know she kissed me that morning after Jug's birthday but I knew. And I've never forgotten. "I miss you too, Archie, you know that."

"Do we have to miss each other, though?" I try. "Because I don't think we have to..." I know I sound like a little kid, but it's how I feel. "I'll take you on a date every night if it means we can make some sort of something out of this..."

"We can take things one step at a time though, can't we?" she says through breaths. I wonder if she's holding one in because the skin around her mouth seems tight and strained.

I reach out to her, touch her bottom lip gently to get her to ease up and I feel like I'm on top of the world when it works because I _know_ it works. It always has. "So you're saying we can take things one step at a time, then? We can move on?"

I've pushed the limits a little bit because she's frowning at me and the tapping on the shake is getting a little bit louder but she's at least thinking about it and that's all that matters. "We can take it one step at a time," Ronnie replies sternly.

"That's all I've wanted," I say with a sigh of relief.

"But it doesn't take back what you did and you have to let me breathe," she says with an exasperated breath, "Three years of love was swallowed whole, you understand that, right Archie?"

If there was ever a time where I didn't understand, I'd like to be swallowed whole. I don't think there would ever be a time where I didn't understand where our three years of love went or what truly went wrong. I want to let her breathe but I also want her to know I can't breathe without her and no amount of sitting in Pop's sharing shakes was going to help me with the lack of air I'm getting at the moment. Sitting here with her telling me how much she wants to take it one step at a time was the most relief I had got in a long, long time. "I know," I tell her, feeling slightly defeated. "I'll let you breathe, I'll take it one step at a time..."

"You got to tell me why it happened, if we're going to move past this," she says, looking down into her glass. She swirls the shake with the straw and picks up an onion ring before just putting it down. She looks at it with disgust but I think that look was made for me.

If Jug was here, he'd remind me I actually have to inhale and exhale to stay alive but this is what she's asking of me. She wants me to tell her and do I do it? Or do I tell her I _can't_ do it? I watch her and I know my frown is so deep etched that it's making her look at me the same way. I feel sweat on my forehead and I wipe it off. I feel sick in the stomach and in my very soul. But she's searching me for the answers and I've never, ever, at this point told her. Words get stuck in my throat, about a hundred of them I think and my t-shirt is tighter around my neck and my chest this time. "I, ah..."

"Was it me?" she asks. Every time we had ever spoken about _it_ , there had been tear soaked questions; but this time they're as dry as her eyes are.

"No!" I say shaking my head, I lower my voice a little more, embarrassed by myself.

She coughs a little and goes back to looking at her shake. "I just need to know," she whispers. "So I know there wasn't anything that I could have done..."

How can someone who's so bold become so dull? Someone who talks sparks and glitter be so muted? Someone who holds the world in her heart get so empty? I feel my chest crack and I don't know who I feel more sorry for? Her? For me doing this to her? Or myself because I now know I'm fucked up enough to absolutely crush a person? My heart shouldn't be so fucking selfish but it is because I've fucking destroyed _love_ and now I'm watching it burn down in me. I grab her hands, I know she flinches at it as she looks out the window to neon lights on the ground but she keeps her hands in mine. "It wasn't you," I tell her, trying to meet her eyes with mine but she keeps looking out the window. I let go to tilt her head towards me and her deep brown meets me but they're kind of glistening. "You didn't do anything but love me."

"Why?"

I shrug. "I looked for something different, I wanted to be different, I wanted to feel someone who doesn't know me as Good Ol' Archie," I say with scoff. "Someone who thought I was something _else_."

"But that was the best thing about you, Archie," she says gripping on to my hands. "You were Good Ol' Archie," she sighs, she grabs onto my chin with her nails digging. "You were _my_ Archie."

"I still am," I murmur, leaning in closer and letting my eyes fall shut as her hand is on my face, her touch on my skin. I'm loving it and keeping it close.

She nods and rubs her thumb on my cheek. "I know you are," she replies, eyes a little clearer and more comfortable for me. "You were always Archie, _my_ Archie, and no amount of bad things was going to change that, no fuck up was going to change who you are inside and that's why it hurt so much."

"Why?" I ask with my eyes closed, listening to her voice. Even when she was pulling me apart her voice was like music to me.

"Because a person who's essentially good doesn't do bad and it never did suit you."

I suck in air and I open my eyes to look at her. "I didn't want to be bad," I mumble. "I wanted to be different and now it's caught up to me."

"It's caught up," she says gently. "But it's time to keep moving."

She gets up quickly, takes a sip of her shake and takes her jacket off the seat, she leaves me sitting but her eyebrows are raised. "Where are you going?" I ask her.

"We have to keep moving, remember? In the words of the Great Archie Andrews, _'maybe I could unfill you with dread?_ '"

"You think I'm dreading this? Ronnie, I've been burning to get back to you," I say standing up.

"Oh Archiekins, let's look at this as just a _'To Be Continued_...'"

I follow after her with my hands in my pockets and my heart swelling. We'll keep moving. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could put into words how much I appreciate all of you for your support, I'd be a much better writer. I can't find the words to express but just know I love you all for it and that has to count for something, right?


	9. Time with Betty Cooper

_**Chapter Nine** _

* * *

 

There was nothing in the world that could stop me now.

I concentrate on the past four weeks. That's all it took, four weeks to make me feel like I'm myself again. Four weeks is all it takes for things to become _normal_ again and I feel like Riverdale was exactly where we were supposed to be. Jug likes to think that maybe Ronnie and I went through everything as some sort of weird way for us to be called back to Riverdale. But then Jug's all about the great calling of Riverdale, he talks a lot about destiny and I guess that's why he's never left.

I argue and tell him that if Riverdale loved us so much, and it just wanted us to come home, surely _destiny_ or _fate -_ or whatever else he says _-_ wouldn't have made me hurt Ronnie. He shrugged and he agreed. But I don't get his creepy connection with the place anyways.

I feel I'm getting places with my Internship but I don't voice them out loud in case I jinx it. But I get the impression maybe they're going to offer me a fulltime position. I don't even talk to dad about it. I don't talk about a lot of things at the moment out of fear of jinxing it all.

"I feel bad," Ronnie sighs in to the air. "I bet he's gone to Pop's to give us alone time."

I roll on my side to look at her and I smile in the dark. I was lying on her hair and it was something to get used to because this was the longest it's ever been and I kind of like the length. But I like having her here with me even more. "It's Ten," I tell her. "He's always out there late, he's got things to catch up on," I try and take the guilt out of her. "And so what if he's wanting to give us alone time...?"

It's ruined, I can tell she feels guilty. "Archie," Ronnie groans. "Jug lives here and I've sort of made me a home here in your room but now Jug's been demoted to the sofa because of my interference!"

I think of my best friend and I think of my girl next to me. I don't know when exactly my luck started growing but I feel a little bit like a kid and a little spoilt having them both here and I think my cheeks have been hurting a hell of a lot more because I have a lot more to smile about. "If Jug has a problem with crashing on the sofa he would say so -"

"Would he?" Ronnie asks as she traces her fingers on my skin. I try not to think too much about how she's more soft touches and happy smiles. And _here_. That was the main thing. She was _here_ and she's here with me a hell of a lot more than she used to be. She dots her fingers up my arm. "Or would he not say anything because he doesn't want to hurt you?"

I exhale loudly and rub my hands on my face, trying to rub out the guilt that was eating away at me. "Jug's straight with me," I assure her. "He always is. If Jug feels like you're moving him out of our room, he'd tell me."

"I just... I don't know..." she's saying things and trying not to hurt me, I can tell.

"You think Jug should move out?" I ask, a little too snappy and I don't want her to misread it as me snapping _at_ her. I don't want to do anything stupid. Not when she's finally come back to me.

I can see her eyebrow rise in the moonlight. "I think maybe you _both_ need to,"

I scoff and I widen my eyes. I was shocked by the suggestion but also the fact that Veronica was even talking about the future - even in the form of Jughead and I moving - was enough to make me grin. "And what about you?"

"What about me?" she asks against my lips.

I taste her, drink her in. Her body matches mine and I feel it on top of me, curving and shaping with me. I didn't ever forget it while we were apart so why was this feeling still making my heart race when it feels so natural to me? "You want to move out with us? Jug will settle for some cheap apartment in the middle of town that you won't like..."

"Who's to say I won't like it?" she counters. I feel a lump in my throat forming but I keep smiling at her even if she can't see me in the dark. "Our apartment was a shit hole, it's a fact."

I chuckle and nod with her in my arms. "Yeah," I say slowly. "I guess it was..."

It's like a mutual understanding that we have where we don't talk about the old days. The old days are just that - _old_ \- and I don't mind keeping them like that. Sometimes I wish I could rewind time because who knows where we'd be if I didn't fuck everything up. If I didn't _kill_ us. If I didn't watch it all burn down in front of me. I feel a shake pulse through me as I think about everything I've ruined and everything I've tried to fix.

Four weeks. A _month_. That's how long it's been since Ronnie let me back in.

I count down the days, four months of perfection. And before? It was four years that went up in flames in thirty minutes of sweat with a girl I didn't share my world with; in the bed I shared with the girl who was my _world_.

Jug says it's an infinity - a never ending cycle. I don't know how he can say that when my everything ended by slamming the door behind her as she left.

Ironic, because what she did to the door was exactly what I was doing to the girl I was trying to get a little lost in.

The last four weeks went so quickly and it's kind of scary how easy you can just fall back into the same routine. I don't think there was ever any point in which I loved Ronnie a little less but I can see that whatever love she lost for me was growing more and more. And that's why she's sharing the room with Jug and I. Three nights in a row now. Three _perfect_ nights.

She raises an eyebrow again. "We still have that money invested in the term deposit, you know?"

"Huh?" I ask, confused. "Term deposit?"

The moon hits her and I see her roll her eyes. "The gift? From your mom and Grandpa? Remember? We put it into a term deposit?"

I shrug, I don't remember having a term deposit but I do remember the money. The money we were supposed to use once we left College. "Oh yeah..." I reply, trying to rack my brain for the amount. "Under your name, right?"

She laughs. "Yes; Archie Andrews, the only person on earth to trust a Lodge with a hefty sum of cash!"

I mumble; "I didn't imagine you staying a Lodge for long..."

She falls silent. "So," she starts. "I'm just saying if you had plans on moving out, and Jug might want to start sleeping on a proper bed, there might be a way of organising that..."

"You're invested in my future..."

She groans. "I'm invested in you!" she slaps my chest and screws her eyes shut. "You, Archie," she says with eyes still shut. "The only good person I know."

"That's not true," I mumble.

Ronnie scoffs and her eyes widen. "The best part of everything I know. It's you."

I squeeze my eyes shut this time and shake my head out. "No."

"Your a good person, Archie," she tells me sternly.

"I don't deserve you," I say, blinking back stupid tears. "I don't, you're always here for me and I'm just -"

"Stop!" Ronnie snaps and she grabs onto my face, keeping me still. Making me see her in the dark. "We can't move on if you don't try to!"

I keep blinking quickly, the last few months blinked back too. I try and live in this moment with Ronnie in my arms and her just _with_ me. "Maybe I spend too much time with Jug," I snigger. "That's why I can't move on..."

Ronnie sighs and pats my cheek. "You haven't told him, have you?"

Haven't told Jug I was going to see Betty? I think I would rather punch myself. I didn't know how to tell him or when, or how he was going to react. I hate hurting Jug but I couldn't _not_ go and see Betty. "You going to come to?"

"You're trying to con me into being the one to tell Juggie, aren't you?"

 _"Pleeease_ ," I beg against her lips. "I don't want to tell him."

She huffs. "You have to be a big boy and tell him, Betty's your best friend too -"

"You can't make me choose between my best friend and my brother -"

"You're not choosing, Archie," she replies sternly. "You're going to visit Betty."

I get a little lost for words and I kind of regret telling Betts that I would go and see her, but I made a promise and I don't back down from a promise, especially with Betty Cooper. But I know I have to tell Jughead and I have two days to do it. "You sure you don't want to come?"

Ronnie shakes her head and I feel her shaking my body. "I think I want to use this weekend to recoup, I don't feel great."

"Weak excuse," I laugh, "Betts is the Queen of chicken soup."

"For the soul."

"What?" I ask.

"Chicken Soup for the Soul?"

"I don't get it," I laugh. "But she is good for the soul."

* * *

The days passed quickly and I find myself shoving things into my suitcase. "Where're you going, son?" dad asks.

I roll my eyes and I wonder if I really believed I was going to get away with sneaking away without Jug noticing. Of course I wasn't. But I shoot dad a glare that tells him that I'm not happy. Jug lifts his head from the laptop and cocks an eyebrow. "Moving in with Ronnie already?" he asks. "So soon after the kiss-and-make-up?"

Dad looks shocked and takes a step back from the breakfast counter. "You're not really leaving the bachelor pad, are you?"

Jug gives dad a wink and he laughs. "Sick of the pizza and soda diet?"

"No," I mutter, not looking back up from my suitcase.

"Then where are you going?" dad asks, "Romantic getaway with Ronnie or something?"

I should take this and run with it but I can't lie to dad and Jug, I just can't. "Ronnie and I aren't officially back together, guys," I say shooting the two of them a look.

"You might be after a getaway," Jug says winking at me this time.

I force a laugh. "Yeah," I says quickly. "Maybe."

"You're being vague and mysterious," Jug replies. "Spill, girlfriend."

Dad looks more interested in what I'm really doing and takes a step forward to the doorway, "Everything ok, son?"

I take a deep breath and I feel all eyes on me. I shut the suitcase with a snap and I nod. "I - ah," I start slowly, "I'm going to go and see Betty this weekend."

Dad's eyebrows rise and his jaw drops but he makes the effort to nod before looking at Jug and quickly looking away. "Well," he says, "Say hello to her from me."

I exhale slowly and the look dad's giving me makes me feel guilty. He slithers out of the kitchen because he doesn't want to be here when Jug speaks. I don't think I want to be either.

"Jug..." I start but he shakes his head.

"I mean, yeah, I guess this is to be expected," he says with a humourless laugh. "The jock and the blonde."

"What does that mean?" I shoot back.

He sniggers. "Bad choice of words," he shrugs. "But you've been best friends since forever -"

"But you're my brother," I tell him. "It doesn't change anything... I just need..."

"You just need to see her?"

"You're pissed at me."

He shakes his head and rubs his face, head dropping at the counter and I know he thinks I'm betraying him. But I never wanted to choose between Jug and Betty but for the last year-and-a-bit, I've been choosing Jug. "I shouldn't be mad, but I am."

I look to the ceiling for answers and shake my own head. "You shouldn't be, I owe Betty a visit and I don't want to hurt you either."

"It sucks -"

"Come with me!" I beg, I walk over to Juggie and I shake his shoulders, look him in the eye. "Come with me! Tell her you want her back!"

"No -"

"I did it!" I say, clapping my hands together and I smile when I think of Ronnie. "I got Ronnie back!"

"Unofficially," he mumbles. "You said it yourself."

"So what?" I shrug. "If I can do it, so can you!"

"Of course you did it," he laughs maliciously. "You're Archie, go-getter Archie."

I step back and I realise I'm sick of trying to reason with him. And maybe I'm sick of it because I kind of feel like I'm exactly like Jug and it's tiring listening to the sound of your own voice. But I don't push him anymore and I try to keep my smile on my face due to seeing Betty. "Fine," I tell him. "Maybe that's the difference. I try and go and get what I want and you sort of just sit there waiting for shit to happen."

"Nothing's gonna happen, Arch," he replies.

I nod; "Yeah," I say. "Not when you don't go looking for it."

* * *

Hermione smiles at me when I knock on the door these days and I like it. There was a time that she hated me and I don't blame her but she has a streak in her that scares me. She let's me in and I rush into Ronnie's bedroom.

"Hey!" I say, knocking and opening the door at the same time. "Are you sure you don't want to come? I can get you a last minute?"

I realise she's laid up in bed and she didn't really give her decision a second thought. She's got her favourite socks and trackies on and she's not moving. "No, it's ok," she says quietly.

I feel a little deflated and now going for a whole weekend scares me. "Damn, you're really settled in for the weekend, when do you go back to work?" I ask.

Ronnie shrugs. "Took the weekend off," she says, inhaling deeply. "Cheryl will have to man the bar without me."

"I bet Jug will keep her company," I say softly. "I have a feeling he'll be hitting the free basics for sure."

"He didn't take the news well?" Ronnie asks. "Or similar to a bullet to the brain?"

"Very similar."

"Hmmm," she sighs. She nods and reaches for my hand, holding it. "Maybe if I feel better on Sunday, I'll go and keep him company." She can tell I'm getting worried about Jug. I'm worrying about a lot of things. No Ronnie, a pissed Jug. Maybe it would have been easier just to stay home. "Stop worrying!" she stresses.

"Are you so unwell you can't come?" I ask.

"Not unless you want a nauseous girlfriend on your flight," she chuckles.

My heat races and my throat feels tight. My cheeks blush and I bite my lip to keep my from smiling. "Girlfriend?" I ask.

Ronnie shrugs and she pulls my old hoodie higher up her neck. "You be good this weekend and we'll see when you get back."

She gives me a wink and I'm tempted to call Betty and tell her I can't make the trip. Jug needs me and I think I have a girlfriend again. Even if saying girlfriend seems weird when Ronnie and I had gone so far, I was introduced to friends as her partner. I had pre-proposed to her. We were one being. "I'll be good," I promise against her lips. "I'll be good, you don't have to worry about me."

"Well now you have me worried about Juggie."

I purse my lips. "He'll be all good," I tell her. "Just check on him when you get out of bed."

She laughs before leaning in on the bed to give me one last kiss. "I'll check on him once I get rid of this flu or whatever it is - you give my love to B and tell her I miss her so much!"

"Not as much as I miss you," I tell her, kissing her on the forehead before grabbing my bag and heading out of her door.

"Oh Arch!" she calls.

"Yeah?"

"Have fun!"

I smile to myself as I head out. "Thanks."

"And I love you!" she calls.

I stop in my tracks, spinning on my feet. "Nowhere near as much as I love you, Veronica."

* * *

I didn't think Betts would cry when she saw me but she did. I didn't want to cry either but it was kind of hard, but I managed. Not seeing her in almost a year had been the longest we had ever been apart and it definitely felt like it. I think a lot of the struggle though was more for Jug and even the tears that prickled my eyes were more for the feeling I got from Betty in my arms and she was just radiating that she missed a lot of things. Riverdale. And Jug in it.

I think I hugged her for a good, solid thirty minutes before she piled me and my backpack into her car and we zoomed back to her apartment - it was nice and nothing less than what Hal would have paid for - the trip to her apartment was mostly silent. Betts and I never had to talk though, did we. We had kind of mastered silence. Especially from all of those times her mom would ban me from seeing her, I guess it paid off for us in the long run.

We laid on the floor of her apartment with pizza boxes on the floor too and we stared at the ceiling. "Thanks, Arch, for coming to see me," Betty says stretching her arms above her. "It's kind of hard getting used to the city..."

Betts hasn't changed much in the last year. She still looks the same but a part of me notices tiny differences. Because since we were fifteen, I was used to her being at Jug's side. And now she's not, and it makes me feel like there's some huge chunk missing from her. I try and think of something to say like it's not a big deal. But it's actually a _huge_ deal. Leaving Jug, knowing he's pissed at me, was something I was going to have to face when I get home. And trying to not panic too much about leaving Ronnie when the space might make things go backwards between us was kind of a huge thing to have to deal with. But I'll do it for Betty. "I've missed you, Betts," I say with a sigh.

She rolls onto her stomach and looks at me, her head in her hands and a smile that makes me feel like we're kids again, laying on the grass of the Coopers talking about all the things we were gonna do when we grow up. Things didn't work out exactly the way we thought they were going to when we were ten. "How's Jug?" she asks.

She's still smiling at me but I feel like the smile is forced. "You really want to know?" I ask.

"I want to know he's ok."

"He'll always be ok," I murmur. "Don't worry about him."

"If he didn't have you, do you think he'd be ok?"

I frown at Betty and I sit up, crossing my legs in front of me. "Nah, I don't think so. He misses you."

She groans. "He can miss me all he likes," Betty snaps. "I'm sick of fixing everything."

"It's been a year," I tell her. "He's not going to change, he still thinks that leaving you is for the best."

"A lot can change in a year," she shrugs.

"Aint that the truth."

"But you didn't fly all the way to California to talk about how Jughead Jones never changes, did you?"

"No."

She sighs loudly and sits up too, patting me on the leg. "If you didn't think I changed, you'd be pleased to know that I have," she says with a grin, she shivers a little with excitement. "I've started seeing someone..."

My jaw drops and I try not to look so obviously shaken by the news. Jug's always said he can read me like a book but I try to hide my story a little because the last thing I need right now is to ruin things between Betts and I too. But knowing she's moved on from Juggie makes me feel a little annoyed. And maybe that Jug's been clinging on to some dream that's not going to happen. My brother deserves happiness and him and Betty made me believe in soul mates, not that I'd ever tell them that. "Yeah?" I manage to force out.

She's not convinced by my lack of enthusiasm, but if Jug could read me then so can Betty. "His name's Alex, studying Law, big surname here in L.A," she replies. "You'd like him, he likes Football..."

"Football?"

"Yes," she says, shaking my leg. "Football! Like you."

I think I like Football even less right now. "Huh," I mumble. "Sounds like a great guy."

"You don't want to know about him," she says matter-of-factly. "Bro code or something?"

"Something like that," I say blandly. "I'm sorry for being boring..."

She shakes her head. "I would never be bored of you, Arch, you know that. I understand we're all living different lives now..." she says cautiously. "Though I did get a message from Queen V asking if her boy had arrived safely..." she winks at me.

I keep my lips tight but my cheeks turn up in a smile; a tell-tale sign that I'm a little easier to read than usual. She smiles back at me, she shoves my leg again. "Ah, you told her I'm ok?" I ask.

"Told her not to worry - we're not going to elope like we said we were going to when we were eleven," she laughs. "If we're not married by the time we're thirty, we'll have to marry each other, we took an oath!"

I put my hands up in the air and lift my shoulders. "Ask me in ten years, see what's happening."

"You don't think you'll be married by then?" Betts asks me, her big eyes seem brighter in her small apartment but she's curious.

I snigger. "I don't know what's happening next week let alone in ten years time."

Betty nods. "That's true..."

I watch her look everywhere but at me. Betty didn't often let things lie but I can tell she's letting this lie to not hurt me. "You want to know about what happened, don't you?"

"No, no," she says quickly, waving her hands in front of me. "I don't want to know if you don't want to tell me..."

I sigh and rub my eyes. "Her name was Mia. She was at College with me. Ronnie and I kind of drifted because I was really down. About my knee..." I take a deep breath. "About my scholarship; mom was pissed at me because I was feeling sorry for myself, dad... Well, he was sick of picking me up all the time..."

Betty's' eyes faulter and she looks down at the ground, playing with a thread on her pink socks. "And then what?" she almost whispers.

"Ronnie wanted us to move home; told me she didn't care what we did, she just wanted me to get better and I got angry about it - got drunk a couple of times with a girl who seemed to be more interested in listening to me complain about how unfair my life was," I say with a humourless laugh, I run my fingers through my hair and I actually feel kind of free being able to talk to someone so easily about all of this, finally having my best friend who I could tell anything, right here, with me. "First time I was drunk because she told me that everything was unfair and I thought it was too. Second time?" I add, my voice cracking. "Was just a complete and utter fucking stupid move on my behalf."

"Wow," is all Betty says.

My jaw tightens. "I thought you'd rip me to shreds," I mumble. "I think I want you to."

"I'm sure Jughead did enough ripping for all of us," she says quietly. "I'm sure you don't want to hear anymore about it so I'm not going to be the one to torture you more."

"I'm a complete fuck up."

Betty shakes her head but she reaches out to grab my hand, giving it a squeeze. "It's unlike you to make mistakes, Arch, but we all make them. You know that, right?"

I smile weakly at her. "You sound like my dad."

"Of course I do!" she chimes, "Your dad gives the best advice!"

I look down at Betty's sock too as she plays with the thread with her spare hand. "And now things are starting to look up but I..." I trial off.

"What?"

"I love her so much, I don't want to let her go."

Betty jerks her head back. "Then don't?" she says as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. "You guys can get through this, you can get through anything! I believe in you."

"You always do," I mumble.

Betty rolls her eyes and puts both hands on her hips. "Because you're worth believing in, Archibald Andrews!"

I grin at my best friend. "Shit I've missed you," I tell her. "I know I've said it heaps of times but I really, really, really miss you. Move home."

Betty pouts her lip at me. "I can't move home, Arch, I've made a new home here. It's got to be something huge to get me home."

"How about my wedding?" I ask.

I'd been thinking about it for ages. It feels like I've been thinking about it more than I _hadn't_ in the last three years. I proposed to Ronnie at Graduation and she said we could put it on hold until after College and we had bought a house. But that was now something that was never going to happen. But now that things are moving slowly back into the places they were supposed to be, I wonder if I should do it. I love Veronica. More than I would ever be able to explain but the hurdle we've overcome? I don't know if it's too soon. Or something I just have to do.

Betty's eyes widen. "Am I missing something here?"

I shake my head, "Nah..." I reply slowly. "But do you think if I proposed to Ronnie, it would be too soon?"

Betts almost chokes. "Uh - Yes!"

I groan and throw my head back. "I feel like if I don't do this now, Betty, something bad's gonna happen and I don't want to _not_ do it and then miss my chance!"

Betty stays silent, I can almost hear her mind thinking all this through. "You're so impulsive, do you know that?"

I nod. "Yes, yes I do."

She looks at me sideways and shakes her head. "You've made up your mind already," she says with a breath, "So I know you're going to do it."

"You know me too well."

Betty rolls her eyes. "Of course I do! We only spent most of our lives together," she chuckles. "But if you're going to do it, you're going to do it. And I know you don't care how fast you're moving."

"This isn't moving fast, Betts," I correct her. "This is like, five years in the making. Three years of _waiting_. And I'm sick of it."

"Don't wait then," she shrugs. "Go with you heart because God knows Archie Andrews doesn't go with his head," she teases.

"I just love her, Betts," I say leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "And I don't think I will ever rest easy if I don't prove my love for her."

* * *

Pulling back up at home after leaving Betty made me feel a little empty. Her house was right next to mine but knowing she wasn't in there, sucked. Alice waved from her front door as I shut my car one and I waved back. She gave me a small smile which made me feel like at least a little bit of Betty was in it.

Vegas greeted me at the door too and dad gave me a hug, we whispered a little bit about how Betts was and he was glad that I got to see her. He told me Jug was upstairs and Ronnie had been over earlier to visit him before heading home because she was still sick. I made a mental note to head over to see her after I chatted with Jug.

Jug and I have been lying in silence, side by side on the bed staring at the ceiling. It felt weird because that was exactly what I had been doing with Betty all weekend but now it's like I'm doing the exact same thing with the other half of the same person. "If it makes you feel better," I start. "We mostly spoke about me and Ronnie."

Jughead exhales loudly and nods against the pillow. "Better you than me."

"Is it though?" I ask, elbowing him in the ribs. "It kind of sucked reliving the worst part of my life..."

"She would have given you some sound advice," he whispers. "She always does."

We both laugh a little. "Yeah," I reply. "She did."

Jug gulps loudly. "She's ok?"

"Who?" I ask.

He scoffs. "Betty?"

"Oh," I say, "I thought you might have meant Ronnie."

Jughead sniggers. "Yeah, she missed you, but she was ok," he chuckles. "I sent her home earlier because she tried to keep me company but she looks like death and that sort of negativity is not great for my mental health."

I roll my eyes to myself. "She's good," I reply, "But I want your opinion on something..."

"You have peaked my interest."

I take a deep breath. "Betty's helped me decide that I'm going to propose to Veronica."

He shoots up off the pillow and leans on his elbow, looking me in the eye. "Wait... what?!"

I shrug and raise my eyebrows. "I've done it before," I say tilting my head, "Why not do it for real?"

"You're going to propose?" Jug snaps, prodding my chest. "You're going to marry Veronica Lodge?"

"Why not?"

Jughead sucks in air through his teeth. "I mean, you guys have only just figured things out -"

"What better time to do it, then?"

He opens his mouth and quickly shuts it. "I guess you have a point."

"You're always telling me I gotta do the things I believe in before it's too late."

I've caught him because his face drops. "I guess I do say that; you don't want to regret anything..."

He lies back down on the bed, facing the ceiling again and I flex my hands out in the air above us. "Do you have my back, bro?" I ask him seriously. "Because this is a huge fucking deal and I know everyone's gonna have something to say about it but as long as I know you don't think I'm crazy, that'll be enough for me."

Jug pauses before reaching up and shaking my head. "Of course I do, you idiot. I'll always have your back."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"I always do, Archie, but you're crazy for Veronica and that's why you gotta do it!"

I roll onto my side and look at my brother. "I love you dude."

"Hey, you're not proposing to me, are you?" he teases. "But you gotta promise, I'll be your Best Man."

I want to tell him he'll always be my Best Man. "She has to say yes, first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, since finishing Vanilla Lips, I have had a lot of people ask about a Veronica x Archie story - though this piece was my intention to be a background to the Varchie in Vanilla Lips, a lot of people have asked for, in particular, the lead up to Varchie in Vanilla Lips. Without making a whole new story to coincide with Vanilla Lips, I will write a chapter in here that will cover Varchie in the 'happier future' of that fic.... and only now do I realise how much I've just said 'Vanilla Lips' sorry.  
> Ps, yes, please, give me loving on here.


	10. Growing Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys, I just want to tell you I love you all.

_**Chapter Ten** _

Jughead clicks his bourbon and cola to mine and looks up to Cheryl. "This must be what it feels like to be a father," he shrugs. "I'm as proud as Fred Andrews right now, how're you doing, son?" he says with a wink.

My cheeks turn red and I shake my head. Jughead has always been my biggest cheerleader and at the moment, he was cheering so loud for me, the whole bar was gonna hear it. I liked it; it's been a long time since people have been proud of me. Finally I have Ronnie at my side and things are looking brighter for my future, as lame as that sounds, but it's true. "Juggie," I say, feeling embarrassed, "Stop it..."

"Don't stop 'till you get enough," he laughs. Cheryl grimaces and physically shudders. "You hate my Michael Jackson reference?"

Cheryl tilts her head to the side and raises an eyebrow, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "I know you think we have some weird, dark-side-of-Riverdale connection, Jughead, but I don't know what you're trying to celebrate here..."

Jug clears his throat and slaps me on the back, making my bourbon and cola spill a little on the counter. "My boy Archie here has just become the new Riverdale High music teacher," he says spilling bourbon on my jeans. "Run and tell the masses that their children are about to be the most musically educated children in the country!"

"Huh," Cheryl replies, clearly trying to hide an amused smirk. "I feel like I'm missing a huge opportunity if I don't mention that this has really come full circle in your life, don't you agree, Archie?"

I groan out loud and I take her insult, nothing's going to bring me down in this moment. But Jug pipes up and says; "Archie's going to be a better teacher than Grundy was..."

She gives Jug a wink; "I guess that depends on what he's teaching..."

"I'm right here, Cheryl," I say waving my hands in the air. "And it's _music_!"

She can tell she's starting to stir me; she seems satisfied while she wipes a glass down and I sit here as Jug and Cheryl bicker over morals. As if, really, either of them had any.

Ronnie was due to walk through the doors of Misty Blacks at any moment and I can't wait to tell her about how pleased Weatherbee was with me and how finally, after almost a full year of trying to figure myself out and fixing things with Ronnie, I was on a path to somewhere. I have a fulltime job, Riverdale High has more funding than they'd ever had in the past and Veronica and I were more or less back together.

That and I was pretty deadset on proposing to her sometime soon, I still didn't have a full plan but dad and I were just trying to figure out how best to use my term deposit mom had gifted me; get a new car? Or get a fixer-upper that dad, FP and Jug could help me with? I know which one was more beneficial to my future but trying to talk about things like _homes_ with Jug around was hard - as if I wouldn't take him - but that was just the way certain things were with Jug; hard.

Thinking of the future made me feel like I was seventeen all over again, trying to figure out which Scholarship to go for. But this time? I feel even more worried about it because I'm praying that Ronnie will be with me every single step of the way; last time she was, but I took it for granted. And I can't afford to fuck it up, not again.

"I'm not getting in an argument about what's classed as a woman's drink and a man's drink, Cheryl," Jughead says rolling his eyes. "I feel my most masculine when sipping at Cosmopolitans."

"Feel free to discuss it with me after work with a glass of refreshing cherry cola," Cheryl says with a snap of her heels. "My treat."

Jughead acknowledges the offer and nods. "Won't say no to a free drink, so ok."

I purse my lips at their interactions but just as I was going to tell Jug that maybe he shouldn't always dance with the devil, Veronica walks in and puts her hand on my shoulder, kissing my cheek. "Hey, Ronnie," I say with a smile so big, both Jug and Cheryl roll their eyes at me with disgust.

Veronica was pale and her sickness had lasted almost a whole month but today her hair was a little messy and her dress not pressed and her lipstick a little worn too. I had only seen her like this once when we lived at the apartment and she had the flu but it didn't last _this_ long. She forces a smile anyways and relaxes in my arms before screwing up her nose and looking at my drink. "Is that bourbon?" she asks.

Cheryl lifts the bottle in the air and shakes it, "Here it is," she chimes, "Alcoholic beverages in the bar that we work in..."

"You're in a bad mood," Jug grumbles.

"Since you rolled in, Sad-Southside-Story..." she snaps back.

Jughead smirks.

I ignore them as they keep bickering - just like they always do - and Ronnie closes her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she murmurs. "I know I don't want to be here..."

I kiss her temple and push her gently away before grabbing her shoulders and trying to contain my excitement. "I know you don't feel great but I have great news," I say, "And I'm trying not to jinx it too much but I just really, really have to tell you."

Ronnie's eyes brighten a little bit and she smiles. "What?"

"I've got a proper job, Riverdale High's newest music teacher!" I almost shout. "Me!"

She gasps loudly and starts clapping before throwing her arms around me and dotting kisses all over my face. "Wow, Archie!" she screams in my ear. "That's amazing!"

"I can't believe it," I say, shaking my head.

She grabs my face by the cheeks and stops my shaking. "Well _I_ can!" she tells me, "But of course you've got it, you're dedicated and you're amazing with music and I'm so proud of you!"

I start to blush again and look down at my feet, kicking out in the air. Just to hear Veronica say she was proud of me was more than I could ever ask for and the glittering in her eyes showed me that she was telling the truth. She kisses my cheek again and takes a deep breath. "Don't say anything else," I tell her.

She gives me a stern look. "I'm proud of my boyfriend," she says, stamping her foot, putting her hands on her hips. "I want everyone to know."

I sigh and pull her back to me, noticing her eyes are a little withdrawn and her skin a bit clammy. So I place a kiss gently on her lips. "Baby," I whisper to her. "The only thing that matters is that you and I know."

"Oh yeah?" she says, lips turning up on the righthand side. "You seem so sure."

" _Yeah_ , because all that matters is you and I."

"I'm sure Juggie might have something to say about that..." she teases.

"Oh, and him too," I say quickly, saving my ass. "You and I and him?"

"I won't come over tonight," she tells me and I feel my smile drop a little.

I pout. "Why?" I ask, pulling her closer to me.

"Going to get some sleep and then try and recoup until I can see a doctor," Ronnie explains. "Apparently the wait is two days long so I'll have to hold up until then."

"Come over for family dinner?" I suggest. "Dad told me to tell you, I've just forgotten but maybe tomorrow might be good?"

"Sounds perfect."

"I'm just glad you said yes..."

Ronnie looks at the clock and then takes a deep breath again. "I better get on it," she says. "But Archie," she whispers in my ear. "I'm so proud of you; you know that, right?"

As much as I want to say yes, I know it, and everything is fine, I still can't help but panic. "I'm trying to," I say honestly.

"I'm proud of you, we've made it through, we can do anything, you and I..."

I want to tell her that I'm trying to do everything, I'm wanting to build a future. Buy a home, fix a heart, marry a girl I love.

I want to tell her, but I don't know how.

* * *

I was starting to get nervous around Ronnie and dad didn't help things at all. Dad didn't hesitate in giving me the ring but he did mumble some stuff about maybe the ring was bad luck but I didn't think so and neither did Jug. Jug made a point to say that mom and dad were still good friends, maybe they just fell out of love and, yeah, I was very grateful that mom and dad still spoke and hung out from time to time when FP and Gladys can't even sit in the same room for very long. Jug talks of the ring as if it's magical and he rattles off things about good omens but I'll listen to anything Juggie says as long as it's positive. I don't say it out loud, but I hope it's true. I don't want to believe in magic but maybe I do think what Ronnie and I have is magical - we've made it and it has to count for something, right?

I had stood outside of dad's room for thirty minutes wondering what I should say to him. Dad knew Ronnie and I were back together and he knew that I was starting to take some grown up steps. Mom tells me I'm still young and twenty years old is still a baby but I don't feel like I'm young or a baby. Sometimes what I feel inside makes me feel so old. I finally have a big-boy's job and term deposits wasn't even part of my vocabulary, but it is now and he didn't second guess me when I walked into his room and sat down on his bed, I told him I knew it was quick but I wanted the ring. Dad smiled at me, pulled it out of his drawer and said; _"Go get her, son."_

But I couldn't get her that day, I didn't know how. I still don't know how. I know I have to speak to Jug about it because he gives me a clear insight, maybe I should talk to Betty about it but I don't know if she can help me when she's not here. I have a ring that I want to slip right onto Veronica's finger and tell her how much I love her but I just don't know how. Sometimes I'm so lost when it comes to Ronnie, I live in a state of constant fear.

Tonight is family dinner night and I have Veronica sitting next to me, leaning on her hands and talking to Jug who's across from her.

But I also have dad shooting me looks from the kitchen bench as he sips a beer. "Been a while since I've done a family dinner night," dad announces across the kitchen. "Good excuse to get the old tuna bake happening."

Ronnie shoots me a glare this time and leans into my ear as dad rummages in the fridge. "Is your dad's tuna bake still horrible?" she asks.

"Yup," Jug chimes in from across the table not even looking up from his phone but I roll my eyes at him. "What? It's the truth, isn't it?"

I shrug and I throw my arm across Ronnie's shoulders as dad gives me another, pressuring look. As if I would get down on one knee right here in the kitchen on family dinner night, I think dad thinks I would. "You've been around Cheryl too long," I tell Jug.

Ronnie raises her eyebrows and taps on the table. "I saw you and the new girl in town at the Coffee Club the other day," she teases. "She's pretty, looks interesting and wears Doc Martens too..."

Jug looks away but I can see his face turning red. "You've been spying on me, Veronica?" he asks.

Ronnie laughs and looks at me before giving me a wink, she knows she's annoying him and she's getting entertainment out of it which makes me laugh too. "In my defence, I was in a hurry and I couldn't stop to say hello and you seemed to be in a deep conversation with Crysta..."

" _Crystal_ ," he corrects Veronica, pulling down his beanie nervously. "And it was only about work stuff."

"Ooh!" Ronnie says, clapping her hands together. "A quick excuse means something to hide, scandalous!"

Juggie laughs quickly and looks back down at his phone. Jug hated talking about his non-existent love life but even dad had mentioned that Jug had been spending more time with Crystal. Especially since I've been back from visiting Betty.

Dad places the tuna bake in the middle of the table and rubs his hands together. "Yeah, I know it looks like crap..."

"Doesn't taste like it though," Jug adds, digging into it already. "Nothing more comforting than the Ol' Andrews tradition!"

Dad looks smug and pleased with himself as he settles in next to Jug. "Well thanks, kid," he laughs. "That's a good one for the ego."

Jug's too busy scoffing it down with bread to even reply.

Ronnie eyes the tuna bake and starts eating too. She taste tests first then starts scoffing it down like Jug who looks at her from past the rim of his beanie. "You hungry too, Ronnie?" Jug asks.

She just nods and reaches out for Jug's milk before taking a sip. "With this sickness," she says through bites, "I can barely keep anything down so I'm always starving."

"Lucky there's heaps for leftovers," Dad chuckles. "When you get that old house down the road, Archie, you can always come over for food."

It falls silent at the table and never in my life have I ever wanted to groan out loud at my dad.

I had spoken briefly with Ronnie about my plans to use that money from my mom and grandpa in buying a house, but I hadn't told her that mom's family house was up for sale if I was wanting to put in the hours to get it up and running. And I sure as hell hadn't told Jug about it. The look on both of their faces made me want to crawl under the table and they were both looking at me for explanations. "Thanks dad," I mutter. He thinks I'm being serious but I'm sarcastic right now.

"You've been looking at a house?" Ronnie asks.

"You can _buy_ a house?" Jug says, "You're ten, you can't buy a house."

"Mary's old man's place is up if Arch wants it," dad explains. "He's got a sweet deal."

"Sweeter than some," Jug mumbles. We all ignore him.

Ronnie looks down at her tuna bake and starts pushing it around. "Wow, I mean, I know you always had plans on doing it but this is a _big_ thing," she says. "That will set us up for life."

I feel both dad and Jug looking at me now, both hiding smirks and both of them a hell of a lot more interested in their food all of a sudden. I keep my own smile down and lean over to kiss Veronica quickly on the temple. "Well, that's the plan anyways."

Ronnie's face pales fast and she pushes off the table. "Be right back!" she almost shouts as she darts across the kitchen to the hallway.

" _That will set us up for life,_ " Jug teases, pretending to flick his hair over his shoulder.

"Shut up," I say, chucking a piece of bread at him.

"Hey, hey, hey!" dad warns, putting up his hands. "No throwing food."

I go back to eating and waiting for Ronnie. "She's not well, huh?" I say quietly. "She needs to see a doctor about it as soon as possible, I think."

Dad nods. "Yeah..."

"Hey," Jug says quietly, "If you guys buy the old house, I know it's big, so can I move in?"

He laughs and so does dad. But something tells me he's not joking. Or at least I hope he isn't.

* * *

Jug lies on the ground and I lie on the bed tonight. Jug's been kind of quiet about a lot of things but after dinner, it's been a little worse. He pipes up first though and says; "You're a domesticated man now, aren't you?"

I roll over onto my side and look down at my brother. "You're just jealous because you want in on a white picket fence."

"I know that's you trying to crack a joke, but you're not the funny one," he tells me. "And maybe that is the root of my jealously."

I groan and slap my face. I was a dick sometimes. "Don't be jealous, Jug," I reply. "You can always crash with me and besides," I try and comfort him. "It's not like any of it's set in stone, it's only a thought..."

Jug remains silent for a little while. "I just, I don't know," he says. "You're moving on and I'm kind of just stuck."

"Don't be stupid, dude," I say sternly. "You've got a good job."

"Yeah but you have a soon-to-be-wife and a white picket fence."

I snigger. "Gotta have a fiance to have a soon-to-be-wife."

Jughead laughs. "You think she's going to say no?" he teases. "Yeah right! If she does, hit me up, won't you? I could do with a man who provides."

I chuck a cushion at him. "Jug," I start seriously. "You know that if I get this old house, you can come too, right?"

"We're twenty, Archie. At some point we better stop living together. And I would hate to intrude on your domestic bliss..."

I know he's being funny, but I hate it when he gets like this. I would never leave him behind, even if Ronnie and I did move into our own place. But Jug is my brother and we swore we would never leave each other behind. "Then what would you do, huh? Go live in your dad's trailer."

"I'll stay here at the bachelor pad?"

I chuck another cushion at him. "Ronnie says that you're turning stagnant here."

Jug scoffs. "Ronnie tells us both a lot of things, but she's _your_ girl, not mine."

"Hey, don't dig at my girl!" I whine.

Juggie laughs. "Your fiance?"

"Not yet."

"So when then?"

I'd be lying if I said that this didn't scare me. I didn't know what to do or even how to start. What was going to happen. "Maybe tomorrow," I reply. "Or the next day."

"Or the next day, or the next day," Jug says. "You need to sort it out. Before someone swoops in."

"Don't say that!"

"I'm kidding," he chuckles. "But seriously, do it. Before you freak out even more by over analysisng things!" he says, throwing a cushion back at me. "Because we all know Archie Andrews is the king of over analysing and freaking out."

It's like he's read my damn mind.

* * *

It had been two days since I had seen Veronica and I don't think it helped my anxiety at all. This wasn't the way I had hoped it to be but I feel like now was the perfect time since she had asked if she could come over to talk. She said it was serious and I wonder if it was about the whole house thing, not that I had committed, but I feel like maybe she was and she wanted to talk about it. _About us_. We sort of don't talk about certain things anymore but we can't ignore them, even if I want to.

Jug and dad went over to FP's trailer for beers and to watch the football but I have a feeling they just wanted me to chill out a bit. Two days wasn't a long time but it was a long time for them to have to listen to me stress over what my plan was with Ronnie and I don't really have a plan. The longer I sit there trying to plan something, the less and less my plan works out. So I'll go with just winging it. And right now was the time for me to wing it.

I'm so nervous waiting for her, I'm sweating and I can't stop pacing the hallway but I hear her heels on the porch and I see her hand reaching to the glass to knock on the door. I rush to it and swing it open.

She looks at me with an amused look and she's taken aback with her fist still in the air. "You ok, Archie?"

I want to say no, that I'm not, but the ring in my pocket is burning my skin and is so heavy, I feel like I'm going to fall over. I feel a little guilty because Ronnie is so beautiful and she loves things a certain way and maybe, I should have tried a little harder because she deserves so much more than this.

So much more than _me_.

Maybe I shouldn't propose to her in the kitchen of my dad's place. I should have flown her to Manhattan where she belongs and done it there at some fancy restaurant. I don't have time to second guess.

I gulp down the lump in my throat and smile at her as I play with the ring in my pocket. "Yeah," I reply quickly. "I'm good, what's up?" I ask her, changing the subject.

She holds her breath, I can tell. Her lips are in a tight line and her nostrils are flared but she walks deeper into the kitchen and leans on the counter. "I can sense we're both a little tense..."

"Tense?" I laugh humourlessly. I'm losing my damn mind. If Jug was here, I'd probably be a little calmer but he's not always going to be around to keep me grounded, is he? I have to do this by myself. "Nah, nah -"

"You're tense, Archie," she insists and she rubs her face. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You go first," I say scuffing my shoes on the floor. "Then I will."

"No, you go."

"Paper, scissors, rocks?" I suggest.

She laughs and shoves my shoulder. " _You_ go."

My face is hot and I wipe sweat from my forehead again. I feel kind of sick in my stomach, I think it's too many butterflies but I know I shouldn't feel this way because not only are Ronnie and I more natural than I can even begin to register, I know this is the right thing to do. I nod and clear my throat. She's frowning at me because I just _know_ she's confused about what the hell I'm doing but I think I am too. "Veronica," I start.

"Yeah?" she say seriously.

I gulp down the lump again. I had been reciting some words all day but now they've gone so I'm struggling to come up with some more. I close my eyes, it's like a prayer but I can feel her shift closer to me. "I remember thinking that I had never, ever seen a girl as beautiful as you when you walked into Pop's," I tell her with a small smile. "Which was weird, because all my life it had just been Betty and I in Riverdale pretty much..."

She rolls her eyes and shoves me again. "Don't say that!" she growls. "B is beautiful."

"I know!" I argue. "But this isn't about B..."

Ronnie eyes me suspiciously. "Ok?"

I take another deep breath and keep going. "I don't ever remember anyone pushing me to be the best person I could be -  someone who listens to me and takes the time out to see how I am and then even when I screw up or I do something that I didn't think through, you helped me through it, you made everything seem logical and then before I knew it, Ronnie, I was sixteen and in love."

I pull out the ring from my pocket and I almost fall over when I kneel down on one knee. Veronica's hands slap to her mouth and I can see her eyes starting to water, her head shaking. And her hands too. "Archie..."

I look up to her, the diamond glistens in the weak kitchen light but my hands are in the air cradling a ring, tears start falling on the floor, pooling at her chin and dark smudges on her cheeks. I still feel my heart trying to break free but I'm finally finding the right words. "Sixteen came, Ronnie and you never left my side. I remember thinking how did I get someone like you. Why would someone like you love a kid like me? How did I get someone so fucking smart, beautiful and funny and so supportive and then you moved with me, Ronnie. You moved your whole world to be with me and I took it for granted -"

"Don't," she murmurs. "Archie, get up, come on..."

But I shake my head. "I was never a good guy, Veronica. There was always something stupid about me or crazy or I don't know," I laugh humourlessly. "I'm a bit dumb but it's stupid of me not to see you make me a better man. And I've never, ever, _ever_ at any stage not loved you and every little thing you are."

I see Veronica's tears shimmering on the floor of the kitchen but I can't tell which ones are hers and which ones are mine. I feel like all I do these days is beg; beg things to be better, beg for things to go back how they used to be, beg for time to fucking rewind - watch it all burn down if I could have my chance again. I've been on my hands and knees so many times for Veronica, I don't think I'll ever get back up off this fucking floor but I'm shaking and the ring still feels heavy in my hand, it's like it's growing into a god damn giant.

"No," she stammers, "No, Archie, don't; get up."

I sniff loudly and I wipe my tears on my sleeve before shoving the ring back in the air, up towards her. I'd stay here on my hands and knees with my ring in the air until she takes it. "Veronica, I've loved you since the first time I saw you in Pop's," I tell her with my voice hitching in my throat. "You've been here for me through everything, my dad, school, my fuck ups -"

She looks away and her tears this time fall on my face, she's shaking and her hands are crossed over her stomach. "Archie," she whispers. "I can't marry you -"

"Don't!" I say loudly, my hands shaking. "I love you. I've done stupid shit, fucked up shit," I grit my teeth, "Things I can't take back but if there's one thing I would never, ever fucking change it's you and me, Ronnie," I hold back a gasp. "I'd never change anything about you and me and how much I love you."

She pauses, wiping tears from both edges of her eyes before biting her lip and looking down at me. She moves her hands and runs them through my hair, gripping on to tilt my head back. "I love you too..."

"Then don't think about it, just do it!" I beg her. "I promise to be faithful, I promise it'll be you and me and a new house, shakes at Pop's and onion rings and laughing in the rain and snuggles in bed on Sundays, all of our favourite things!" I say, I take a deep breath and look away, wishing this would all just work out for once, my chest hurts and my eyes are throbbing but having her fingers in my hair keep me close to her. "I just want to love you forever, Ronnie," I say sighing. "I just want to marry you."

I watch her chest rise and fall quickly, mascara running down her cheeks and she closes her eyes before looking up at the ceiling. This moment feels like the past ten months all waited for this moment.

I think she's going to leave.

"I need to tell you something," she murmurs.

"Tell me yes."

She shakes her head. "I'm so scared, Archie," she sobs. "I've never been so scared."

"Say yes," I say, standing up. I keep the ring in my palm as I circle her waist, I kiss her neck. I wipe away her tears with the same sleeve I did mine.

I look down at her and her lower lip quivers as she looks up to me, fear obvious in her eyes as she shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut again. "I'm pregnant."

My heart feels like it's stuck somewhere in my rib cage but it's still beating and now it's beating faster than ever. I can't even focus on anything but the tears in Ronnie's eyes and the way her eyebrows knit together. But I can feel my face and it's starting to soften and my smile creeps up, I can't control it but Ronnie reaches behind her where my hands are resting and she pulls them away, bringing them to the front of us. She holds them and looks seriously at me. "Pregnant?" I ask.

I think right now, time has stopped. And Veronica's lip is bitten so hard, it's bright red but she nods at me. "I'm pregnant, Archie," she whispers. "And I'm so fucking scared."

My smile is small and I take another breath, trying to focus on one thing at a time, "But Ronnie," I start. "I'm here."

"I know," she says, as she pulls my hands out, takes a ring from my right hand and looks at me. "You might want to sort this out, Archiekins," she says with a nervous laugh, sniffing.

I slip it on to her left hand and kiss her knuckles. We don't speak. I don't think that we have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show my heart-aching Veronica and Archie some love? And in return, I'll give you their happiness?


	11. The new life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter away from the end guys, thanks for being patient.  
> Probably not what anyone would expect from Veronica Lodge, but, circumstances make you do weird things.

_**Chapter Eleven** _

* * *

I remember the day that Ronnie left. She took all of her stuff and the apartment we shared was empty and cold. Dad and Jug drove up to get me two weeks later and I think I cried on dad's shoulder. Dad usually had a lot of good advice, he'd always pat me on the back and somehow I'd keep going. But not that day. Jug was my best friend, but that day, he was definitely my brother because I know he loved me, but he didn't have my back. We shoved all the rest of my belongings in the tray of the pick up, Jug told me I was an idiot. And that definitely wasn't the last time I heard that from him.

Everything seemed black and white. Mostly black. Having to top and tail with Jug again was a fucked up experience but at least I had the company because I didn't want to admit it, but when Ronnie wasn't around, I didn't want to sleep alone. I knew Jug felt sorry for me because sometimes he'd let me sleep on the bed and he'd sleep on the floor and he'd wait for me to fall asleep because he didn't want me to feel like I was weak. But I was.

Juggie always told me that I had a short attention span and that short attention span cost me a lot. That attention span took my attention in the form of Mya and laying her tanned body down on the bed that I shared with Ronnie. No amount of fucking hard on the bed I was supposed to share with the girl I loved most was ever going to pull my attention away from Ronnie once she said she hated me. My attention span was strong when it was focused on Ronnie and the way she walked out that door. I'll never forget it, the feeling I had when I watched it burn down.

I can hear Ronnie sleeping soundly next to me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't pinch myself a couple of times last night as we laid in the bed that was now ours. A gift from my mom, money to buy a proper bed and the Egyptian cotton sheets that Hermione insisted were necessary. Dad rolled his eyes at them but Ronnie squealed excitedly when she laid them on our new bed. It had been a long thirteen weeks but we made it. FP and dad painted the whole place, Jug and I replaced cracked floor boards after work and sometimes we'd be stuck here until midnight but we did it. We made it. Ronnie and I painted the last white picket just a day ago and now we're living in our own house, even if it's a bit bare. Ronnie tells me her dad will send us all the things we need but what she doesn't know is that all I need is what's under this roof right now.

She shifts a little in the bed and I tuck hair behind her ear. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but if I said I couldn't be happier than this, I would be telling the complete truth. Veronica and Jug went to a doctors appointment just yesterday morning and everything was fine with our baby; Jug managed to talk her out of finding out what our baby is going to be, she hates him for it.

I hear crashing from down the hall, Jug must have walked into the empty paint buckets but it jerks Ronnie awake and I hear her groan. "And this kid is supposed to live with us when we have a newborn?" she grumbles, stretching out her arms.

I smile to myself as I listen my best friend swearing down the hall. "I'm hoping by then he'd have moved into his own place," I say, shrugging in the bed. "Or we'd get rid of the paint buckets..."

Ronnie sighs out loud and rubs her eyes, letting the morning sun in through the curtains. "Getting rid of the buckets is more likely."

Jughead had been talking about moving. In fact, he reckons the only reason why he's been staying here is so he can help us out with the renovations, then he'd go back to FP's or dad's. FP's wasn't a place my bro likes to stay and dad keeps reminding Jug to go back but Jug's been lagging behind. "Do you think Jug should go?"

Ronnie shoves my shoulder. "You really want to talk about Jug's living arrangements today of all days?"

"He's staying here for the next week anyways while we're gone, I just thought-"

Ronnie groans and slaps my chest lightly. "We have this entire house," she snaps. "Jughead and Archie are a package deal with a ribbon on top and that's how it's going to stay."

She rubs a barely showing stomach and I rub it too, taking her hand in mine, wondering how did I go from a fucked up mess to this? Since when did I deserve it? I don't think I do. But Ronnie lies next to me, humming but today of all days, I should be happier than I am. "Ronnie," I start quietly, feeling nervous. "I'm sorry for all of this..."

Ronnie's eyes shoot open and she turns on her side to look at me. "For Jughead tripping over paint buckets? It's a comedic relief, don't you think?"

She had told me a million times that she didn't mind that I couldn't offer her the wedding she deserved, I kind of think though she just wanted to get it done before the baby comes and she insisted that the house was a bigger priority that needed attention. Because she doesn't want to live in a house with a bad paint job. But I can't help but think I'm not giving her the world and I know, deep down in me, she deserves nothing but the best. "I just don't think this is right..."

"What? Are you breaking up with me?" she laughs.

"No!" I snap quickly, I know she's joking but my gut doesn't tell me it's funny. "Getting married at the courthouse without your mom and dad isn't what I'd class as a good way to keep me from being killed."

Ronnie's eyes darken and she sighs out loud, closing her eyes, "Until they get over my pregnancy," she groans. "Which they're rapidly running out of time for, by the way, then they're not getting invited to my small and private ceremony."

That's what she had been calling it for the last eight weeks. A small and private ceremony and Jughead insists it's her way of describing it to make her feel better. "Fine," I say, kissing her temple. "I guess it's just me, you, Cheryl, Jug, FP and dad."

We can hear Jughead moving around the house, swearing at shit because he doesn't know where anything is. Veronica shakes her head. "No Betty then?" she asks.

I can see the hurt in her eyes. The ceremony might be small but Veronica only wanted Betty to be there. But how do I choose between my brother and my best friend? I tried to argue with Betty but I was never good at that, she always knocked me down until I felt like a little boy. And even through this, through the weirdest months of my life and a shotgun wedding, she was here but this was one thing she wasn't going to do. I clear my throat. "I tried, Ronnie," I mumble. "I tried to convince her but she wouldn't... Because of Jug."

She doesn't even make a noise, she just rolls to her other side to look away. "That's ok," she replies. "She'll come to our proper wedding after we have the baby."

I guess that would be just another barrier we'd have to handle when we got there.

* * *

"You just have to keep calm, son..." dad says, rubbing my shoulders.

Jughead stands with a bag of crisps and a mouth full of cola. "I'm just hoping your new wife makes it to the court house," he says, shoving crisps in his mouth. "You left her with Cheryl? Those Blossoms don't have a good track record with babies, Arch."

I throw my boot at Jughead and I try and swallow a lump in my throat. "This is fucked up, man, why did I agree to this?"

"Because you love her?" dad says in shock. "You love her, right?"

I roll my eyes. Of course I love her. I love her so much I don't think I _lived_ until she came back to me but Veronica Lodge deserves the world and all I'm giving her is the Andrews name and my mom's old house. "This is crazy," I tell my dad and Jug. "Why did I do this? I should have given her some wedding in Manhattan where she's from or hired out the town hall but instead I'm getting married at the courthouse with two people as witnesses!"

"Four," Jughead corrects. "Just in case you didn't remember my dad and Cheryl are coming too..."

I can tell dad wants to laugh but I feel sweat beads on my forehead. "Jug," dad says slowly. "I don't think you're doing Archie any favours."

I tighten my tie too tightly and I wonder what Ronnie is doing right now. "Hiram and Hermione aren't coming. Hiram still scares the shit out of me and I'm marrying their daughter in a courthouse. How is any of this ok?" I whine.

My chest feels tight but Jug's face softens as he walks up to me, patting my back. "Anyone that knows you, dude, will know you're the best guy out there. And if I were Hiram, not only would I be strikingly handsome, but I'd be proud to have a son in law like you."

Dad stands there nodding at Jughead but even through the stress, I feel a smile creep up. "You're the best."

"Nah," Jug laughs in reply. "You are. And besides," he smirks, "I'm sure she's going to make you pay for it after she has my little nephew!"

I laugh and push my best friend out of the way. "How do you know we're having a boy?" I ask, "Unless you two secretly found out and didn't tell me?"

Jug shrugs as he takes another sip of cola. "I have a gut feeling, you know?"

Dad taps Jug's stomach. "Yeah, I can see that."

Jughead leaves the bedroom and leaves dad and I alone. "I'm freaking out, dad."

"This is what you wanted, son," he tells me. "You love her and both of you don't take no for an answer and this is the result," dad says lifting his shoulders. "You two are made for each other, don't ever think that what you give Veronica isn't enough... I know that feeling too well."

I wonder a little if he was referring to when he was at High School with Hermione but I start to panic a little more. "I just really love her dad," I say honestly. "And I don't want to do anything else that she doesn't deserve."

Dad shakes his head and gives me a hug before straightening my shirt and ruffling my hair. "I'll tell you what you both deserve, Archie. Love."

* * *

She's the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on even if it's in the courthouse. She doesn't appear to care and Cheryl walks behind her like she's done God's work but Ronnie has always been so beautiful, I don't really believe that Cheryl had much to do with it.

She smiles like she's the happiest she's been in a long time, she hugs my dad, gives Jughead a kiss on the cheek and drags Cheryl to stand by Jughead. But she comes up to me and places her lips on mine and I feel us both sigh in relief. "This isn't perfect," I mumble to her as she comes away from me. "I want it to be perfect."

"I just want it to happen as soon as possible."

"We can still back out now," I lie to her, because even if this isn't what I want to give her, I don't really want this to stop. We look at Cheryl and Jughead bickering where Cheryl has Jughead by the tie and he has a scowl on his face. "Look at the bunch of people who are here to witness this, Ronnie."

She laughs and shrugs. "They're here to watch us sign papers, Archie," she says sternly. "It's not a life or death situation."

I want to tell her it's my life or death, but I don't.

The celebrant was to meet us here in twenty minutes so I stand brushing Ronnie's hair out of her eyes, "You're amazing," I tell her. "To put up with me."

She slaps my hand out of my face and frowns. "I don't put _up_ with you Archie," she insists, "We're both here for the same reason, you know."

Before I can reply, the doors of the courthouse swing open again and my own mom and Hermione step through the doors. "Mom?" I ask with a laugh of disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

I hadn't seen my mom in a few months but she grins as she walks up to Veronica and I, pulling us both in by the necks to hug us. "It's so good to see you guys," she gushes. "I'm happy but did you really have to do it this way?" she asks, "Even Fred was better at this sort of stuff than you, Arch!"

I hold on to my mom a bit tighter but I can see Hermione behind her, waiting for us. I feel like hiding right now because my mom, I can handle. But I had only got Hermione's trust back recently and I see it slipping away rapidly as she stands there.

Ronnie steps away from my mom and straightens out the cream dress she's wearing. "I guess you could have eloped," Hermione says quietly. "Which would be just like you, Ronnie, you've always been a step ahead."

Veronica smiles and holds out her arms, her mom hugs her, smoothing out her hair but Jughead and Cheryl both give me amused looks and Juggie walks over to me and says; "What is this? A family reunion?" dad elbows him in the ribs.

My mom comes over and links her arm in mine as Ronnie and her mom talk. "You've never done things by halves, Archie, eh Fred?"

Dad chuckles but I don't. "This feels like not even half of what I should be doing..."

"I mean it in a way as, it's just like you to set your mind on something and just do it," mom explains. "But these things are not measured by money or what kind of show you put on," she says nodding to Hermione and Ronnie. "Money doesn't buy happiness, does it?"

"Your mom is right, son," dad adds. "You two are happy, that's all you want, isn't it?"

I think about it. That's definitely all I've wanted and that's everything Ronnie has been able to give me since the first time she walked through Pops. "I want happiness and Betty to be here," I mumble to my mom. "But I'll have to settle with just happiness," I say with a wink.

Mom sighs and rubs my arm. "It is kind of weird to not have Miss Cooper around, I'll admit it," mum replies. "But it's good to see Jughead laughing even if Cheryl looks uncomfortable."

I kiss my mom on the cheek again and walk over to where Hermione and Ronnie are chatting. Her face has eased a little since I last looked at her and Hermione raises an eyebrow. "I mean, it's not really want most parents sign up for when they have babies," Hermione says, folding her arms. "My baby has only just turned twenty. I'm having a grandchild and you two are getting married at the Riverdale courthouse..."

I look down at the ground but I feel Ronnie's hand in mine and I feel all of a sudden stronger from it. I'm almost invincible when she's near me. "I'm sorry Missus Lodge," I tell her. "But I love Veronica and this is what we want so we'll do it."

Hermione purses her lips but eases up a little. "Well, invite me over for your home warming at least, ok?"

The celebrant arrives and we sign paper work with mom, dad, Hermione, Cheryl, Jug and FP watching over us. It was quick and felt like a relief had been washed over us. Ronnie never let go of my hand through the whole thing and I feel like I'm on top of the world, or at least I feel like I'm grounded when Ronnie is so close to me, I don't think we'd ever be apart.

* * *

Ronnie rides the whole ride home on my lap in the backseat of Juggie's car which he never stopped bitching about. "Hey you two, get a room!" he called to us.

We pull up to dad's house and it's a little weird that I don't even live here anymore, but he parks along the road and doesn't turn off the ignition. "Just park here," Ronnie says as she steps out of his beat up hatch. "Or park on Alice's grass, I'm sure she won't mind."

Jug pretends to choke as he looks at me in the back seat, still trying to get out. "You trying to get me killed, Ronnie?" he asks. "This is your way of getting rid of me?"

I jump out and stand next to Ronnie, pulling her closer to me and she rests her head on my chest. "I've gone this long with you, Juggie. This is not how I would get rid of you. But where are you going to park?"

Jug takes a deep breath and rubs his face. "You guys go in and enjoy your party, ok?" he says. "I'll be at your house crashing on the spare bed again..."

"What?" I ask, my eyes widening. "What are you doing?" I demand.

But before I know it, dad's front door is swinging open and Juggie points to it.

Betty stands in the door way, waving to us both and Ronnie drops her bag, "Oh my god!" she cries, "Queen B?!"

Jug laughs but I can see it's strained, "Jug..." I start, "Come on, dude, come in?"

I know it's a weak attempt at trying to get him to come inside but I know it's not a battle worth fighting so I let him shake his head and drive away, wishing that for once in a long, long time, I could have my entire family around me. Jughead toots the horn and leaves me standing on the road.

Betty comes running down the steps and it's like we're ten years old all over again. She leaps into the air, throws her arms around my neck before dropping to the ground and stamping her foot at me. "This was a really shit play, Archie!" she snaps. "And you too, V, you're supposed to have the big, beautiful wedding!" she reaches down to Ronnie's stomach and rubs, "And you're supposed to tell me what you're having!"

I smile because I can't help but feel good that I have both Ronnie and Betty here with me right now, here in Riverdale. But I frown too, because Betty had blown off my calls for a long time. "Hey, you're the one with the shit play, Betts," I argue back. "I didn't think you were going to come!"

"And we all know you're the worst with secrets, B," Ronnie adds. "But you're still the best."

Betty sighs and nods, "I know guys, I just..."

Veronica doesn't hesitate, "Unsure of Jug?"

Betty takes a deep breath and looks behind her to the house, making sure no one was listening, I could tell. "He text me, got my number from my mom and told me what was happening and that he would not go to the wedding if I wanted to come, for space."

Ronnie chokes and holds up her hand. "Excuse me," she begins, "But Jughead was not going to turn up because you were coming?"

Betty shrugs. "He says he's not ready to see me and also he would rather you guys be happy... But I didn't want him to miss out either, so we planned it this way."

Ronnie and I both look at each other before grabbing one of Betty's arms each. My bro hurts so much for her, that maybe, this was his way of self preservation but I know that Ronnie and I both understand, that maybe some people can't get back from the bad place. Maybe Ronnie and I were just lucky.

The house is buzzing with people but Betty point upstairs. "Upstairs like old times?"

We avoid the crowd and Ronnie leads the way to my bedroom.

The room was untouched and still had a lot of shit in it left from when Jug and I left it behind. Betty beelines straight to the drawer where I usually kept my underwear and rips it open, pulling out the album she gave me before she moved. "I can't believe you kept this!" she squeals as Ronnie lies down on the bed. "Look, V, this was us when we were fifteen!"

She points out the photo of her and Veronica when they were Vixens with me standing in the background with a football, it was a stupid pic but it was one of my favourites. She pulls out a photo of Veronica and Betty at Thorn Hill from Jason's funeral, a photo of them two and me in the Blue and Gold.

She fingers a photo of Jughead with his Serpents jacket and her in his arms.

"Look at this one," Ronnie says, pulling out a photo of her and I in the tray of my pick up truck, "I remember this day!" she laughs.

"It was the day before graduation," I add. "It was the best day of my life."

"Why?" Betty asks, "I think I took this photo..."

I look at Ronnie, my cheeks blushing. "It was the day I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

She smiles to herself and Betty moves up the bed next to Ronnie. "I spent a whole week making this album for you, Archie," she says with a laugh, "There was no way I was going to leave without giving you something."

I lie on the mattress on the ground as Ronnie and Betty laugh over photos. The bad haircut I had when I was six and the way Betty wore all pink outfits when she was eight, the way Jug would duct tape his shoes back together and that time Betty and I had matching broken arms when we were young. I lie here staring at the ceiling and though I feel complete with Ronnie and Betty here with me, I miss Jug. "It's weird how we look back, right?" I ask them. "Now we're adults but we've been through so much..."

Betty looks down at me on the floor. "I don't think _this_ Archie and Betty would have thought they'd be lying in your room at twenty after you got married to your pregnant girlfriend,"she laughs, pointing at a photo of eleven year old us. "Or that I'd be living in California."

Ronnie chuckles. "At least you two were cute, even if you thought you were going to marry each other."

Betty nudges Ronnie, "You stole my partner in crime," she teases.

But Veronica and I lock eyes but we don't say anything, wondering how much Betty actually thinks of Jughead.

* * *

We left and Betty promised to catch up with us, my mom was going to stay for a few more days and dad was left with tidying the house after the party.

We lay in bed. It didn't feel like a day out the ordinary but right now, I have a sense of peace in me. Ronnie lies in my arms and I don't think I've ever felt so grounded as I do right now. Jughead always talks about how some things just seamlessly fit and now I understand him, because everything just fell into place.

"Does it feel weird knowing we're married?" I ask.

She thinks about it while humming, "I think what's weirder is that we're going to be parents."

"Juggie thinks you're having a boy," I laugh. "As if he has some sixth sense."

"And who's to say he doesn't?" she asks.

"True," I reply. "I'm excited to have a baby," I tell Ronnie. "I think we'll be good parents..."

"As long as everything is clean and tidy, a tidy home means a tidy mind and a peaceful environment."

"You've been reading too many magazines," I say.

She whacks me. "I have not!" she snaps. "Jughead has and he tells me!"

Of course he does, it's just like him to educate himself on every unnecessary thing. "You think this all happened too fast?"

Ronnie pauses for a moment and I can feel her twisting her hair as she thinks. "Maybe, but it was all going to happen anyways, don't you think?"

She was right, it didn't matter about the amount of time, we were leading towards this life anyways, "You're right," I tell her. "You always are."

I wrap my new wife up in my arms closer, "You're not letting me go are you, Mister Andrews?"

"No way, Missus Andrews," I say with a grin.

"Technically still Lodge for a tiny bit longer."

"Shush," I tell her. "Stop being so technical."

She leans in to kiss me, tongue smoothing over my lower lip and I find my hands playing with the waistband of her pyjama shorts. She hitches her leg over my waist and I groan into her, soaking her in and trying to push her shorts down but it's stopped when we hear a; "Shit!" from the corridor and crashing against our door.

Ronnie rolls off me and I grab the bridge between my eyes because Jughead is usually smoother than this but he knocks on the bedroom door, "Guys?" he calls.

"Come in, Juggie!" Veronica calls back and I shove her in the side.

"Ronnie!" I moan. "Don't let him in!"

He walks into the room with a pillow. "I-ah, I know you probably have plans of consummating your new found marriage but I figured that with a bun in the oven, this is probably something you're not partaking in," he mutters as he throws the pillow on our bed.

I sigh and roll over, "What's up, Jug?" He stands at the bottom of our bed, tickling my feet and I kick him in the leg, "Fuck off!"

"Are you coming to see what the plan is for when Archie and I go to New York? You can definitely stay here, you know," Ronnie adds. Jughead doesn't answer though and throws himself in the middle of the bed, grabbing his pillow on the way. Veronica asks, "What's wrong?"

Jughead stays quiet for a while, playing with his pillow, rubbing his beanie on his head. "I'm twenty and I still miss Betty," he tells us quietly. "And I don't want to be alone."

Veronica grabs Jug's hand and I pat him on the head. I guess that's just how it is. We're not friends; we're a family, and even though this is supposed to be some huge day for us, Veronica and I both know, family is more important.

Especially when we're about to have a family of our own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all the my loves that share their love with me and Varchie.

**Author's Note:**

> A reminder, this is a sister story to Vanilla Lips and Cigarette Tips, my Bughead fic. So, you know, if you want to know more, you could hit that one up too. 
> 
> And now, I shall lovingly ask you to leave me a little something to let me know if you love or hate it, or, you're unsure at the moment. 
> 
> Loves!


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